Play

Child centered play... Excuse me... Let me tell those of you who may not know about it WHAT it is...  In the most basic way it is allowing the child for a pre-set amount of time (10-20 minutes), to lead play, dialog and emotion with nothing but positive over the top praise from adult (caregiver).  There will be absolutely no suggestion or questions from the adult.  No guidance or direction from the adult. The child is in charge of the play.  The adult can positively praise, and expertly encourage (that is an amazing track, I love the way you put the blue one there).  The purpose is to immensely praise the child so that he seeks this positive interaction in hopes of curtailing negative behaviors.

It is crap.

In our house that crap does not work.

Here is how we played today.  We did shrinky dinks (remember those... they are cool).  He decided on his pattern and I traced it for him and cut it out then he was positively encouraged and colored it however he wanted.  We did 3 of them.  I praised.  We baked them.  They are cool.  And I encouraged, praised and agreed with him.

We played OUTSIDE.  It was 7 degrees outside with a blustery wind.  We played outside for nearly 3 stinking hours.  He wanted an igloo ~ I built one.  He wanted to sled ~ we sledded.  He wanted to throw snowballs ~ I nailed him.  He wanted to play tag ~ ok, I played tag.  I realized as we were playing tag how exhausted I was.  But play on.  He LOVES to be outside and I tolerate it as long as humanly possible ~ keeping a happy and encouraging disposition about me.

We played Legos.  He had a pile on a tile and told me I could only build a car using what he gave me and then when I was done, we would have a demolition fight with our cars.  So I built an amazing car out of crap legos.  All the while listening to his banter and chatter.  Never interjecting or discouraging.  Not offering any criticisms or suggestions.  I interact with him exactly as he wants me to.  And then it was demolished and I knew he loved it.

Each activity is child centered.  He has my undivided attention.  He is an only child.  It is not rational to think giving him these moments of total positive attention will eliminate the behavior meltdowns.  Playing this way does not teach him the give and take of relationships, the communication that needs to transpire when one interacts with another.  And this type of interaction he is REALLY good at!

The reality of it is that I play with him like this all the time.  I am really good at it.  It is easy to praise and love my child and it is much easier to play his way than to try to interject and get him to play my way or by the rules.  Because in the child centered way, he makes the rules and can change the rules ~ as long as he is acting appropriately I go along with his rules.

It is just crap I tell you... Not because I don't love playing with my child.  But child centered play will not help with the behavior meltdowns.  He melts down when his medication wears out.  He melts down when he is overwhelmed by some sensory stimulation.  He melts down when he is 6 and doesn't get HIS WAY.  I can look in his eye and know when we are reaching that point and no amount of child centered play will stop it.

Theoretically and in a clinical setting this type of play may work... for us.. in this house... we just play and mommy gives him all the praise he can handle.  And when the melt down happens we roll with it... It is not happening because he is seeking attention from me.