Perfect Trampoline

Today I took Espen to an indoor trampoline place.  We got the whole package.... an hour of jumping, a laser maze trip and a rock wall challenge.

Indoor trampoline is loud.  It is dark with lights flashing and laser designs on the walls and trampolines.  There are children and adults all over happily bouncing.

It used to drive me NUTS taking him to this (or similar) places.  There were times I paid and we got in and he could not handle it.  Sometimes I lost money, sometimes they refunded me.  It drove me crazy how he jumped and ran about chasing the lights and focusing on things no other child was focused on.  I was grouchy when he "needed a break" because he was not really bouncing ~ why would he need a break!?  It would drive me crazy that he was not "doing it right".

What is RIGHT?

I had to let all that go.  He does it the way that feels good to him.  And it is OK that sometimes we don't make it.

Today he jumped and ran about wildly.  And I stayed in the same place and jumped, visited with other moms.  He danced ~ wildly and with careless happy abandon.  He chased the laser lights (tried to catch them over and over).  He interacted with me and knew I was where he had left me.  The other 50 or so people there were nearly invisible to him ~ he never interacted one bit with anyone else.  Strangely.  He was happy and found the way to bounce that pleased him.  He took breaks when he needed to and it was all just fine.

What is fascinating is that he can make adjustments to himself and his surroundings to "survive". He wanted to go jump today and knew it was going to be busy.  He has a super set of coping skills.  It is amazing to watch him.  He really pulls himself inside and does not take any heed of anyone else or he can't and he has to leave.

It has taken 6 years to get to this spot where I can be OK with whatever happens.  That is the hard part....  putting aside my expectations on what is RIGHT and the way we are supposed to behave.  To just let the moment happen as it needs to and give my child the opportunity to try and be ok when it may not work.  To support his needs as they come.  This is how he has the ability to manage the situation... because I have given him the space and opportunity but more importantly, because I have learned to be a different mom and put the high expectation for perfection aside.  The most beautiful thing is just having these moments with this amazing little boy.  And our times are absolutely amazing.