To the Teacher

Back to school tomorrow. Last night we met you.  So much anxiety filled our night.

I know the first day of school must be nerve wracking and full of anxiety for you too.  I know all the parents and the questions and the eager faces on Meet The Teacher Night are probably overwhelming.  But last night my first impression of you left me filled with dread and bewilderment.  And my son, who is already anxious, woke up at 4am consumed with worry.

What we needed from you was your attention and you were scattered and disorganized.  What we needed from you was to know who was in the class, where my child would sit, who would be around him.  What we needed from you was to know what we would be doing, some expectations, a schedule of the day.  What we needed from you was for you to slow down and see that the papers did not matter; your attention did.

For the whole summer I have worked with my son so he will be able to figure our his multiplication tables, so he can write complex sentences and not be a blank mind when asked to do proceed with hard tasks.  For the whole summer we have talked about how to manage peers who get under our skin.  For the whole summer we have relished some anticipation for being 10 and a 4th grader.

What I want you to know now is that there is in fact a peer in his class who causes him a load of stress and this was heavy on his mind last night.  I want you to know that in our house we don’t have to “be friends” with everyone and it is quite all right for them to not get along; don’t force friendship upon them.  I want you to know my son talks to and teases everyone and moving him constantly won’t help.  I want you to know that he will befriend the newest, the quietest, the least eager and he will stick with them.

I want you to know he has medication that makes him not feel hungry.  I want you to know he will sit at lunch and not eat a single bite and his afternoon will be hard (extremely hard).  He will not focus, he will wander, he will be emotional and volatile.  I assure you he needs a snack.  A small child can not go for an entire day without food and he will need to be reminded to eat and if moody he will need to be strongly encouraged to eat that granola bar mom put in his bag.

I want you to know that we are not keen on the amount of technology used in the classroom.  In fact he will not learn solely with technology and I will not be very kind in telling you so.  Besides me and 20 other parents just sent piles of paper and notebooks to your classroom, I expect they use them and not just a chrome book.  I want you to know my child will tell me absolutely nothing about his day (I will garner more from his peers than him).  I want you to know that he will stuff food, papers, junk in every space available to him, he will be overwhelmed to clean it out, and it will just get worse.  That is where the important reminder, the permission slip, the homework will be and it will not make its way home.

I want you to know he has ADHD and is impulsive.  I want you to know something about ADHD and make eye contact with me and assure me that you “have this”.  His impulsivity makes him blurt out stuff, do stuff and react in ways that may leave you wondering.  His mouth and body work a lot faster than his mind or vise versa sometimes and it happens fast.  I want you to know that it is easier for him to be the class clown than to sit down and do the work that is in front of him.  That he is worried about being teased for using the “tools” he knows will help him.  I promise you he is clever and will find the best school hacks to get out of working.  I want to know and he will do his work at home.

I want you to now he plays every sport with some skill (not the signing of professional contracts skill but the skill of a child who is engaged).  I want you to know he is daring and takes risks that for most seem completely out of control.  I want you to know his brain works out designs for those risks and once set he will work to accomplish that more than he will focus on your assignments.  I want you to know that he rarely reads anything alone but that he will listen to story after story.  I want you to know he enjoys pe, art and only tolerates music.  Dance though... put on some tunes and my child will dance like no one is watching (and clearly he learns his moves from me but you may have missed that last night because you were preoccupied).

I want you to know that he has a best friend who he spent long days with over the summer, plays on teams with and lives just around the corner from and that this year they are separate and my child will miss him.  I want you to know that they concocted a new last name so they could be brothers and now their plans are foiled.  The disappointment is palpable.  I want you to also note that we know most of the parents of boys in this class and that we are a tight group who are not afraid of each other.  Our boys won’t always get along and we will address it with them also.  We support them all, we cheer for them all no matter the interest.  We are a tribe of parents and our children know that.

I want you to know we live in the country.  Cows, chickens, crap, guns, knives, fishing, dirt bikes, forts, tree climbing are all in the realm of what we know and do and he is eager to let everyone know this information.  Please note that if my child is talking about guns it is not with malicious intent, it is because he is generally a country kid.  I want you to know he is colorful and expressive in ways you may miss.  I want you to know that all the kids in this class make amazing pottery and that my son and I are happy to keep sharing clay and knowledge with them.

Fortnight, Stranger Things, Gumball cartoons, Minecraft, current movies, all things Marvel are of huge interest to my child and he will draw them, write about them and talk ad nausea about them.  I am guessing all of them will... it would be in your best interest to know their language because he will tell you all about it.

Lastly, I am an open mom who prefers to have a note sent, a phone call made than to be left in the dark.  I am happy to talk with you because I am his biggest supporter and advocate.  You get my child for the next 9 months for long hours of every day and I want to continue to be invested and involved and aid his growth and absorption of knowledge this year.  I will be your strongest supporter, just slow down, organize and breathe in the eagerness of these new friends on the journey of discovering 4th grade.