No electronics

We took tv away from our child last week ~ for the whole week.  Not just tv; we took all electronics.  He could not play video games, ipad, read electronic book ~ NOTHING.  It was HARD.  Horrible if you ask him.  Challenging.

He does not do well with sudden changes.  It was sudden that we took it away but we needed a serious consequence because of an incident at school.  So sudden change resulted in some anxiety and weirdness.

TV has been his "calmer"... he can zone totally into it.  And for some fraction of his day, we have recently recognized it is not a bad thing for him to just zone out and allow his body to be still.  He has used it to tell me things, relate to things and generally script things when he is struggling.  We took it totally away.  No tv.  He had no way to zone out completely and re-focus himself.

There was not a moment of my time when he could be left alone.  Alone allows him time to wander.  So ever afternoon last week I spent every moment doing something with him.  (OH yea play therapy really works)!  We did the same things we normally do (including a ton of play) but it seemed amplified.  Because he never once stopped.  

this is by far our favorite family game

Our evening hour that generally we let him have something on we spent playing games and building lincoln logs and tic tac toe.  We laughed and giggled.  It was generally fantastic but slightly different because it was not the time when we do those things.  So many of our games are gross motor because that is what he is good at.  Many of them are not calming but stimulating in some fashion or another.  So that time when we usually sit quietly together and watch some cartoon or program, we were actively doing something.  While it was nice and quality family time it was perhaps not right.  There was literally no down time for our child for the whole week.

Being overly tired, he did not sleep well.  He was in bed with us several times.  Or up early for food or snuggles.  He was off.  He could not find a way to quiet himself down and allow his body time to rest.  He is not a child who has figured that out, nor one that likes to be still.

Not once was he quietly still.  Not one time was he just zoned out relaxing peacefully.  Not once was he thoughtlessly mindless about things and calm.  So while taking away tv was a consequence that made the impression we were going for, it had its own repercussion.  So today when he woke up at 6am and I cooked pancakes with him we decided it was time... We sat together and with no prompting he was able to tell us why he had such a serious consequence.  Then he got it back and he binged... he was quietly laying curled on the bed under the covers watching some cute show.  And he needed that down time.

When I find that "thing" that quiets his little body I will certainly use it.  This child is NON STOP GO from moment he is up to moment he is down.  There is NO stopping.  No resting.  No stillness.  He never stops moving and doing.  Not when he is tired or sick or hurt... he just keeps on going.  TV right now, gives him some moments of peace.

Back to the balance this week.  Hopefully!  (At least we have tv time!)....

Colors for lunch means rough afternoons

I am not a doctor.  Nor am I a counselor (though perhaps I should become one).  I am a fairly well educated mom of one child who presents me with a host of challenges and obstacles.  What I'm about to tell you is strictly my observations from our family ~ and a few articles that you can decide upon yourself.  

I have read a multitude of books about ADHD and plenty of articles about the impact of processed foods.  In my child there is a direct and dynamic relationship to what he consumes and how he behaves.  His behavior intensifies and worsens ~ we start to see even more problems including increased hyperactivity, irritability, poor concentration, restlessness and more sleep disturbances.  

Today his squirmy impulsive behavior got him on orange (which is worse than yellow but not quite red).  It comes in a week when we have already been to the principal for a separate impulsive issue that was quite serious.  It was reported to me by his teacher that he had a rough afternoon of bad choices, touching, impulsive crashing and the like.  It was puzzling.  So I contemplated it for a bit and tried to think of what we had done differently that may cause this behavior.  

Then it struck me... And I asked one clarifying question... Did the behaviors intensify AFTER lunch?  And indeed they did.  In a moment of weakness I had purchased a bag of Troll Strawberry Puffs and a container of S'More Little Dippers with Halloween frosting.  Yes... after several weeks of really great food choices I supplied him with Red, Yellow, Blue and a host of processed ingredients. He had the dippers for lunch (along with his normal healthy food).  

There are thousands of articles on the correlation between behavior and food.  I will put several well written ones here: 

Are Fruit Loops Evil?

Are Artificial Colors Bad for You?

Food Dyes and ADHD

There are many many more... all it takes is a google search. 

Basically, the FDA deems artificial colors safe for human consumption and yet our European friends find them to be unsafe and outlaw them.  The American public prefers foods that "look" a certain way ~ that is why we use the colors.  Tragically, the impact is noticed on a child like mine.  And perhaps on countless others.  There is speculation that the colors we consume actually cause hyperactivity and that children are being misdiagnosed.  That is not our case... but it is a solid speculation to ponder.  Maybe the reason Europe has far fewer diagnosis of ADHD is the foods they consume?! 

Today we are back to the very limited artificial colors and processed foods.  We believe in allowing him to try things within reason and it is extremely hard to prohibit all intake when we can not control the treats given by others at school.  We can monitor and control what we give him and we go back to what works really well.  

Pure food ~ as close to the way it is intended to be.  Costs more, harder to find, have to go out of my way to find it... all horrible excuses when it comes to the benefits for my child.  Whole Foods does not allow artificial colors in foods they carry.  Otherwise we read the labels.    

Tomorrow is a new day... one we get to start fresh at.  And my child will get that fresh start!   

Body Awareness

Body awareness.... it is so important to know where your body is in relation to something else.  But it goes beyond just knowing about your body.  Body awareness is our body movements in relation to the rest of our surroundings but also entails impulse control, spacial understanding, physical surroundings, abilities and level of hyperactivity.  For many, it is the pressure or touch sensations they exert or infer from something else.  In big words it is proprioception ~ how the body senses itself in the world.

After a freak occurrence this week, in which I was "accidentally" kicked so hard in the side of the head, we thought an emergency room visit was to be had to check for a concussion.  For two days now, I have been doing research on how to help my child understand where his body is in relation to other things.  Incidentally, we skipped the ER and just hoped my brains were not jostled around as not only was I kicked, but I fell and saw stars and had nausea for a good long time.  (yea... probably a concussion)

His body awareness is grossly out of wack.  He jumps on, off and over things haphazardly at best. He is currently watching tv while standing on his head and swinging his legs around.  He hugs hard, falls on purpose and crashes into things repeatedly.  He loves to be upside down.  He hits harder, stands closer, lays on top of and has no sense of how it feels for someone else.  Unfortunately, because weird and freaky accidents happen, I am often not caught off guard.  Other children or adults are not as ready and we are hyper concerned that his lack of awareness will seriously harm some unsuspecting person.

There are no magic answers or "cures".  But there are ways to help and teach him how to self regulate and self monitor.  Generally, some "heavy work" regulates things for about an hour.  It must happen frequently.  Heavy work can be wall push ups, chair push ups, pushing, pulling or wearing a weighted vest, blanket or bear.  Yoga can often help focus on deep breathing and mentally recognizing body parts and positions.  It is important to find yoga that is child friendly so that it is appropriate.  The martial art of Aikido teaches the principles of mind and body awareness and harmony between them. Occupational therapy can offer solutions and suggestions.

The answers are in this child who is wiggly and struggling before me.  The things he is good at often either calm or over stimulate him and must be monitored.  There are things we can learn and gather when we listen and watch, but it is a daily diet of balance we need to work to find for him.  His body will change dramatically in the next years and awareness will be like the ocean tides.  He will need the help and guidance, especially now when he comes dangerously close to seriously hurting someone (ME)!  And so we build things into our day, we research and read, we ask the right people and we find a balance for our child.

What the hell just Happened?

I looked across the field at my child, who I expected to be playing at a place that has been calm and peaceful for him.  And to my bewilderment and utter surprise, he was totally and completely WILD. He was darting at warp speed, jumping, crashing and crazily frantic.  I stood in fascinated confusion for a few moments and then attempted to grab him.  I missed the first time he passed me so I stepped up my game and leaped at him.  I got him and managed to thwack him accidentally in the head causing him to scream as if I were killing him.  He was oddly maniacal.  His heart was pounding, his eyes bulging and darting about, his body grossly out of control; he was searching for a calm place and it was no where.  Sadly, he did not get that I was the safety ground and was doing my best to get him to a calm place.  

It took all of my strength today to haul him to the car.  He was screaming and thrashing.  It was not pretty.  We caused a small scene.  Once there, sobbing he told me he was really thirsty and hot.  I cooled him and gave him a drink and started to drive.  To which he started screaming at me to stop because he wanted to stay ~ that he loved it there.  We left.  I was confused.  This is not the behavior or the look of someone in a good place.  

The farm is generally such a calm and happy place.  I have not had to worry about where he is or what he is doing in the past.  Today he lost himself.  I lost him.  In a text message to my husband I said our son is possessed by wild animals on the run from hunters in a raging fire.  He could not see me nor hear me.  It was upsetting.  And utterly frightening.  

The worst part was he was not able to tell me what was it that bothered him or set him in the wrong way.  He could only tell me he was hot and thirsty and wanted to stay. 

There is no text book answer for the way our life goes.  It just happens and I roll it up and deal with it ~ whatever it is.  

So we drove.  We calmed down.  We talked about new things.  We held hands quietly.  We stopped at an acre he is attached to and he played in the quiet sunset in the trees and tall grass.  He was found again.  

I may never know and it is ok.  I just go on loving on him.  

There is nothing that prepares for days like this.