pulling the plug

When it gets crazy it is best to just pull the plug. 

Over the last couple weeks we have had some weird and serious issues that I have only hinted at.  We have had to "reflect" on what has changed and what needs to be removed.  Espen has been getting into trouble for hitting and crashing and stealing from school.  At home, we are experiencing more crashing, running away and screaming.  He has been frantic and obsessive much more in the last week.  His safety planning is out the window, his sleep patterns and eating schedule are off.  His refusal to do activities that he liked has been challenging at best.  If we were on a roller coaster of behaviors, this is again the down hill side of it.

So we have pulled the plug on extras.  We have withdrawn from martial arts.  We have stopped going places in the evening.  We have limited iPad, tv and video games even more then we usually do.  We have cracked down on his diet and limited sugar and processed foods.  It is easy.  We don't allow much anyway!  We stopped the afternoon ADHD pill. 

Then a week ago I saw a blog about High-Functioning or Low-Functioning Autism.  I read it and have thought about it since. Not because of the high or low issue but for the helpful reminders regarding my child. 
 

Suggestions for Supporting a Child to Fit In While Valuing Who He Is

• Implement planned down time before outings or events where your child will be required to be around others.

• Think through options of how your child might “fit in” so that he is more likely to succeed in a variety of ways rather than to fail if he is not able to act as the world expects.

Example: At a family gathering options might include:
1) being in the main area of the house interacting with the guests
2) sitting off to the side in the main area of the house    playing on his iPad
3) inviting one cousin to play iPad games on the extra iPad in the den that has been closed off to guests.

• Provide opportunities for your child to participate in social events that are neurologically friendly to him such as visiting a sensory friendly Santa or going to sensory friendly movie theater. The idea is to balance the “fitting in” with times of honoring who he is, setting up enjoyable opportunities that don’t include the challenges that make it difficult for him to fit in with crowds.

• Remember being social is not rewarding in and of it self for most autistics. It is hard work. Consider rewarding this as you would reward any accomplishment of hard work.

• Provide access to other children on the spectrum so your child can experience a sense of community while free to be himself.

Espen has been diagnosed with "high-functioning" autism.  It is not "bad" enough to qualify him for ABA services.   It is not recognized by the school district but he has an IEP which helps him focus, learn and calm down as needed.  Most of the time quite honestly, I just roll with it and treat my child like a child.  For us, this is just a way of life.  We dealt with this level of WEIRD long before we had any type of official diagnosis.  So I don't really pay much mind to the experts, the school or others.  This is our child and we make the very best out of it. And we do it fast, on the fly and often change mid-way! 

BUT I often forget that being social is incredibly hard.  I forget that I have to provide him with down time as much as I provide him with social time.  I forget that "forcing" him to be interactive will often backfire and stress him out.  I forget that school is a long day of constant movement, activity, social things, focus and work and that at the end of his day, I better plan on just letting him decompress in his way ~ not mine!  I forget that a family night out is often to a loud, busy place and that it is just overwhelming and incredibly stressful. 

So as we think about what has changed recently that may spark this rash of poor behavior, we just pause.  We pause to listen to him when he says he just wants to be at home or outside or go to the country.  We pause and listen to his desire to go to the ranch or his buddy's who lives outside of town.  We hear him when he talks about places that he enjoys ~ the beach, the water, the pool, the creek.  Espen loves and thrives in settings that are removed from mainstream crowds.  We pay attention to what he will eat and we feed it to him.  We snuggle more and socialize less. 

We pull the plug on what we can and hope it regulates him back down.  I've boosted therapy from once to twice a week because it helps.  We plan a trip to Oklahoma and the beach.  We will stay home more then we go out.  We will get to the country as often as we can to quiet places.  We will not plan summer sessions for any classes.  We will help to center him back in hope of calming his behaviors.  And if this doesn't work, we will do what is next ~ whatever that is....