Fresh Days....

Several things happened today....
I learned that Espen may have been pushing one of his friends last week. (for which I am very sorry)
Espen had an issue at school today playing with a naked baby doll and naming the correct body parts for the kids.  And when asked he lied about what he was doing. (he knows the right words for the right things but should not talk about this at school) 
I chatted with the moms about unhappy issues with the teachers.
I chatted with the teacher about the issues with my child.
I cried. 

And that leads me here.... 

It is nice to vent some frustrations and be heard by like minded people.  It is good to address the concerns with the right people and resolve the issues in appropriate ways.  It is good to move on and trust that the things are as they should be.  

Last year Espen was deemed "the bad kid".  Every day I heard about all the bad and terrible behaviors.  We didn't have play dates.  We didn't get invited places.  I had to keep on doing my best to be upbeat and positive about learning.  And he struggled.  He hated school.  He cried every morning to stay home.  Each day I helped him start with a clean slate and go do his best.  I encouraged him to try.  I found therapy.  I changed his diet.  I did everything I possibly could.  And still he was "bad".  No one wanted to know us.  I made our life fun when school wasn't. 

We started this year fresh.  New teachers.  New school.  New opportunity to start each day with a good attitude doing the best we can. It was a transition for me to leave him every day!  He made friends and we play a lot with his friends!  He is happy, confident and comfortable.  He loves going to school.  Just as much as he loves having his friends over to play!  We see that he is learning.  Even when he comes home every day and says he played (or did nothing) I watch him write his name or sing a song or open a book.  He points out tree rings and buildings and letters and numbers. I know he is learning. 

I want to be actively involved in his education. I email and speak to the teachers.  I read what comes home in the back pack (sometimes a day late).  I volunteer at the school.  I have lunch with him once a week.  I am present for my child.  I am also present for the teachers.  I have to trust that each day issues will be handled in the best interest of all the children.  I realize that each year as he gets older I will know less and less so I am bracing myself for that.  In the mean time I am preparing him for success by letting him learn to trust another adults, to enjoy learning and to know mommy is involved in the school in other ways. 

Every day is a new day.  I may have issues, questions, problems and concerns that I need to address today, but tomorrow should be a fresh new day.  Each day I pray for the world to be kind to my child and forgive him for what may happen and I need to do that too.  If I carry the frustration and concern day to day, I effectively teach my child to do that as well.  Every day we start fresh and we just do our very best in that moment.  Try to learn, try to be good friends, try to be in control of our emotions, try to be kind, try to resolve hard things immediately, try to pee in the toilet... each day we just try... and if we can't make it each day, we need to just focus on an hour.  But we need to try. 

Today I addressed my concerns about Espens behavior the last couple days with the teacher.  I am afraid he is bullying the kids.  I cried.  I accepted the information and shared my issue.  I trust that issues at school are handled because it is a learning environment and that if things are bigger we will all deal with them. Because ultimately, we are a team helping this little person figure out how to BE in this world.  I will not know every detail of his day but I will be involved in all the ways I can be.  I have to let my little boy grow up. 

I have to be this person so that I can teach my son how to be a kind, strong, smart young man.