Some of the things I let him do are just "typical" kid things that our fast paced society just forgot were fun for kids. Some of the things I allow because it no longer seems like a battle I need to have. Some things I let him do because I see the joy and peace it brings him. So, in no particular order, are the things we allow....
#1 We let him eat with his fingers and stand at the table. Of course some nights it drives me nuts because, like most everyone, I was raised to sit quietly and eat using the utensils. But after battles, I decided it is just not one I want to keep having. Espen has a hard time sitting and an equally hard time using utensils. The fact of the matter is that we want him to feed himself. And to try. So we strongly encourage sitting and using a fork or spoon but if he is eating and getting the food to go down without "cheeking" it then we are half way there! And really is it so bad to stand while you eat? #2 I allow him to RUN (like a wildly out of control urchin) in shopping centers. Imagine a long customer free isle at Target or Menard's. It is slick and smooth and wide! Imagine the joy of running headlong down that isle and sliding on your stomach or knees! Espen does not imagine it but he does it. It is the perfect way to burn off some energy and feel the hard cold ground. It is a good way to find your balance. It feels great to come to a screeching halt and just as good to fly down the isle. I know my son can not sit or walk next to me. I know he has little impulse control and will touch nearly everything. Running down the isle keeps him in my vision, happy and from touching stuff. And if you run over him with a shopping cart, well he will look out next time and keep right on going.
#3 I let him climb fences, walls, trees, slides. I let him climb as high as he can get. I let him get up there and feel the strength he needed to get there and the brain power he needed to figure it out. I let him balance on tight spots because he thinks he can. And if he should fall, well he falls. I am near and can help if he asks. He can figure out how to get up, he can figure out how to get down. Balance. My son can climb a tree as easily as he can use two bare feet to scoot up the wall in the hallway. It is oddly amazing. I want him to know that there is a limit to his ability and the best way for him to know is to feel what he can do. #4 We let him get dirty. At the park or the back yard. Getting dirty is part of being a kid! I am always upset when I hear a parent at the park tell the children "don't get dirty"... HUH?? I take him to the park to play and we sometimes get messy. Oh sure I have been at the park after a rain storm and the mud field called to him when I was not ready to have mud all over. But the joy of being wet, muddy and cold were awesome to my little boy. So we get dirty.
#5 He is 4+ and still uses a pacifier (B-B) at night (and if he is really stressed, during the day). I don't care... he fixates on oral sensations and chews the wrong thing at night if he doesn't have it. It stresses him out. Maybe his teeth will be crooked or some other problems later but heck he may have had trouble without one. This B-B makes his night time routine much smoother. He will give it up when the time is right.
#6 We discourage but allow Espen to sleep with us. For over 2 years he had great sleeping habits and stayed in his bed. Then it became "necessary" for him to crawl in the bed next to me in the middle of the night and snuggle. The battle to put him back often kept us all awake for hours. A growth spurt made him hungry most nights so we were awake having snacks. I bribe him now. He gets $1 every night he sleeps in his bed. We keep them taped to a piece of paper in the kitchen with a goal. When he reaches that goal amount, he can go spend his money. I don't take money from him for any infraction. Honestly it takes him a LONG time to reach even the smallest goal. He rarely needs food these days in the middle of the night but he does need that sensory input of my arm on him, my smell, my warmth. And as strange as it sounds, if we can all get some sleep, then he can stay.
#7 We make every attempt to put shoes and jackets on in cold weather but sometimes he just won't have it. I don't think being outside in the cold will automatically make one sick so I just let it go. Some days the battle is not worth it and I'd rather him go outside barely dressed and feel the sensations of the cold then to not allow him to go because he won't get "properly" dressed.
#8 I let him drink coffee & coke... not a lot... not every day. But he loves to get a coffee with me and he drinks it. He loves to have coke with daddy. Will the caffeine and sugar make him any more "wild"? I highly doubt it. If I can sit and encourage him to sip a hot coffee with mommy while eating a muffin... why not? I have accomplished 2 things... sitting and eating! And then we deal with what happens next!
#9 I encourage Espen to SPLASH! He can splash in puddles or the pool but never in the tub! I am that mom who takes her son to the pool nearly daily in the summer and super frequently in the winter. He takes swim lessons. The water feels really good to him. He swims like a rock star (thanks to the great teachers he has had). I am all for splashing in the pool. I am that mom who splashes him repeatedly in the pool. It is what the pool is for! Giant splashes! I am also the first one to put on rain coats and rain boots and go splash in puddles after or during a rain. Splash & jump. Get wet & muddy! Feel the water falling on you! But please do not splash in the tub or I will loose my mind. I hate cleaning up the floor and walls when the splashing occurs. Not that we take calm baths, because we don't. But we don't do the wave splashes in the tub!!#10 We let him blow noisy things. He has whistles, horns, a real trombone. We let him blow things to make noise. Blowing is a good thing for him. It makes him use those lungs and take deep breath. Noise is fun! He is a kid. Kids should make noises. I think it is amazing to see my little boy blow notes on a trombone. I think it is annoying to have him blow a whistle. But for a kid who complains about weird sounds it is fine for him to experience the noises he is making.
#11 We let him watch Netflix on the ipad. Yes sometimes more then the "recommended" amount. Sometimes it bothers me. Yet my son is ACTIVE from the moment he wakes until the moment he is fasts asleep. No naps. Little down time. So if he wants to sit with the ipad for an hour and watch some cartoon or kid program upside down then I let him. Sometimes I sit with him. Sometimes I do laundry or other things! His little body needs a break from motion and we have yet to discover something that will give that break to him like the ipad will.
#12 We let him bake things. Espen is not a super great eater. I enjoy baking and cooking. He loves to "help". He can help and often the mess is bigger then the project. But he can taste things (even if they are raw). He can feel things. He can measure and pour. All of these are just as great as writing with a pencil. Sometimes this means we have to take a break to smear cool whip on the windows or clean an egg up off the floor. But all these are great things too.... and who doesn't like to ice skate on the kitchen floor! It is not always about the finished product but in the process it takes to get there!
I'd love to hear how you allow your child to do things that are not really acceptable norms for us these days. I am quite certain there are about 12 more that I let him do that are not listed!
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