dark little box

Sometimes I am just so engrossed in the moment that the shocking things don't really shock me.  Until later. 

After a successful shopping excursion to Bass Pro I pushed our limit and went straight to Cabella's.  The good behavior lasted and I was able to finish some holiday shopping.  When we were in the car he TOLD ME he was ready to go home.  He recognized that he was done and told me.  What happened next is no surprise. 

I needed to stop one more place.  I had one quick prescription to pick up from Target.  In and out.  FAST.  I had forgotten that Target has started to be a "no fly zone" for Espen and he is bothered by the intercom & lights & shoppers.  As we entered the door, he started reciting LLAMA LLAMA HOLIDAY DRAMA.  He knows the book.  I was not listening. 

That quick pick up turned into a nightmare.  He kicked his boots off.  He screamed at people, at me.  He nearly kicked another lady.  He laughed like a mad man.  He warned me that he was going to call the police on me.  He was crazier then I have seen him.  I was struggling to pay and get the hell out of there. I had to carry a screaming, thrashing 45 pound child out to the car.  Mind you he did not want anything.  He was just overloaded.

Once in the car, in the quiet, it all stopped.  I was crying.  He was crying.  Then we took some breaths and tried to sort out the situation.  I calmly told him he would have a time out and the new boomer rang would be taken for 3 days. 

We started home and my beautiful, calm little boy said "Mommy.  It was not me who acted so bad.  It was bad Espen.  He locks good Espen in a box and won't let me out.  Then he just does all the bad stuff while I can't stop him.  I want out of the box momma but he locks it.  It is dark and I don't like the dark.".  WHAT THE HECK???

I pulled the car over to give him my full attention.  Never had he mentioned anything of the sort.  My mind raced around to all the movies and Netflix shows he watches ~ nothing even similar.  He is super creative and this could come from some creative place in him.  So I asked a few strange questions of my own then concluded with "well baby, it doesn't matter which one of you was behaving that way, both of you will have to sit in time out and no one will get the boomer rang back for a few days.".   There were no tears.  He just wanted to hold hands.  A soothing mechanism we have mastered over the last 3 years.  When the pressure gets to us, we hold hands. 

So for the last few days, this odd comment about the box has been bothering me.  I have not brought it up.  I have not asked about it.  I have not taken him shopping.  I have not pushed the limit of stimulation.  I have let him guide our afternoons and he has been at home.  In our little quiet controlled space.  He has been happy.  He has been helpful.  He has been calm. 

I am still bothered but wonder if my son was just being super creative to get the boomer rang back.  But it has been the weirdest thing my 4 year old has ever said to me.... 

long winter....sensory fun...

Winter... IT IS HERE!  Anyone who has read my blog before knows that Espen & I are summer people!  But how quickly we leave the barefoot pool days behind and layer up in our snow suits and mittens. 

For my sensory seeking son, winter months trapped indoors scare me.  It is when he tends to be more "wild" and exert less energy.  It is when, naturally, we all watch more tv, play more games and bundle up with sugary drinks. 

Winter however can be a wonderland of fantastic things for him.  I just have to be a willing participant!  The snow... oh the snow... He has helped shovel, dig and been to the sled hill as often as we will take him.  He eagerly drags his snow board or sled up after a fast ride down.  He crashes and rolls in the cold wet stuff.  He lets the cold snow touch his face and when I let him, his feet and hands. 

We bake more.  I let him help measure, pour, stir, knead and touch it all.  He smells and tastes all the ingredients.  I think blindfolded he could identify them.  His little brain and body have to work together to bake things and we have to practice one step at a time.  He struggles but we keep on doing it.  And sometimes we have GIANT accidents... we break a dozen eggs all over the floor and then slip in them.  We turn on the mixer super fast sending a flour cloud all over us.  We clean more then necessary but we end up with some tasty treats. 

We ice skate more.  It used to bother me that my son could skate out to the middle of the rink, lay down and lick the ice.  I just don't worry anymore.  The fact is that he skated out there.  So we go skate.  We go on hot days and cold days. We have our own skates and helmet.  We often are alone on the ice and can hear the swoosh of our skates on the ice, we fall and crash into the boards.  He plays with his hockey stick & puck and exerts pressure on them to make that puck glide across the ice.  He pretends he scores the winning goal and has a victory dance.

We read.  We play with flashlights.  We walk on the crunchy ice.  We build forts.  We jump on the couch cushions.  We cut up things.  We play tag.  We build lego forts.  We take long baths or showers.  We dump out every single matchbox car and line them up. 

We find our winter groove and yet when we pass by a mound of road sand, he wishes out loud it was the beach and he could put his bare feet in it.  And so do I....

Sleep

All I can say is what the heck.  After 4+ years I can write a book on how to get a child to sleep ~ or what will never work!  I have read more books on the topic then I can mention.  I talk to our pediatrician.  We have given him melatonin.  We get so much fresh air!  I am a parent expert on sleeping attempts.  And still we struggle! 

We have had months and months of not sleeping through the night.  I started to bribe him with dollar bills.  He is motivated by money (who isn't?).  I didn't have to worry about giving him much because he still crawled in bed next to me at night.  Then it started to work.  He saved up $10 and I took him to Target to spend his money.  He learned quickly that mommy would tell him no on the toys he didn't have enough money for.  So he started saving again.  This time with a goal of that toy he thought he wanted.  We drew a picture of the toy, the price and posted it on the fridge where he has a money clip.  He saved $30 and we went and bought the thing he had been saving for.  Currently, he is sleeping most nights in his bed because he is super motivated by the dollar.  He is also saving for something cool that cost $45.  His money for sleeping in the bed is never taken away.  Not when he breaks something, not when he is naughty.  He earns it for something important!  Allowing us all a good night sleep is worth rewarding! 

There are issues (of course there are!).  The last two nights he has called me in the middle of the night and wanted me to sleep with him.  We can't figure out if he is cold, afraid or just lonely for mommy. We thought he was sleeping with us for the physical weight of bodies next to him.  We think that is why he wants someone in his bed.  He has a weighted bear so when he calls I put that right next to him.  Last night I slept with him for about 20 minutes then went back to bed and he stayed put. 

He has started waking up really early ~ between 5-6am is just to early to be awake.  And once awake he is not going to go back to sleep.  We are struggling with keeping him in the bed, keeping him asleep and helping him to understand that he can sleep alone all night. 

While I may have tons of knowledge about how it 'should' work, keeping my little boy in the bed and asleep is a challenge.  Each night we just try.  If I find the magic answer I will be happy to share it... until then I will just share our success & attempts!   

Fresh Days....

Several things happened today....
I learned that Espen may have been pushing one of his friends last week. (for which I am very sorry)
Espen had an issue at school today playing with a naked baby doll and naming the correct body parts for the kids.  And when asked he lied about what he was doing. (he knows the right words for the right things but should not talk about this at school) 
I chatted with the moms about unhappy issues with the teachers.
I chatted with the teacher about the issues with my child.
I cried. 

And that leads me here.... 

It is nice to vent some frustrations and be heard by like minded people.  It is good to address the concerns with the right people and resolve the issues in appropriate ways.  It is good to move on and trust that the things are as they should be.  

Last year Espen was deemed "the bad kid".  Every day I heard about all the bad and terrible behaviors.  We didn't have play dates.  We didn't get invited places.  I had to keep on doing my best to be upbeat and positive about learning.  And he struggled.  He hated school.  He cried every morning to stay home.  Each day I helped him start with a clean slate and go do his best.  I encouraged him to try.  I found therapy.  I changed his diet.  I did everything I possibly could.  And still he was "bad".  No one wanted to know us.  I made our life fun when school wasn't. 

We started this year fresh.  New teachers.  New school.  New opportunity to start each day with a good attitude doing the best we can. It was a transition for me to leave him every day!  He made friends and we play a lot with his friends!  He is happy, confident and comfortable.  He loves going to school.  Just as much as he loves having his friends over to play!  We see that he is learning.  Even when he comes home every day and says he played (or did nothing) I watch him write his name or sing a song or open a book.  He points out tree rings and buildings and letters and numbers. I know he is learning. 

I want to be actively involved in his education. I email and speak to the teachers.  I read what comes home in the back pack (sometimes a day late).  I volunteer at the school.  I have lunch with him once a week.  I am present for my child.  I am also present for the teachers.  I have to trust that each day issues will be handled in the best interest of all the children.  I realize that each year as he gets older I will know less and less so I am bracing myself for that.  In the mean time I am preparing him for success by letting him learn to trust another adults, to enjoy learning and to know mommy is involved in the school in other ways. 

Every day is a new day.  I may have issues, questions, problems and concerns that I need to address today, but tomorrow should be a fresh new day.  Each day I pray for the world to be kind to my child and forgive him for what may happen and I need to do that too.  If I carry the frustration and concern day to day, I effectively teach my child to do that as well.  Every day we start fresh and we just do our very best in that moment.  Try to learn, try to be good friends, try to be in control of our emotions, try to be kind, try to resolve hard things immediately, try to pee in the toilet... each day we just try... and if we can't make it each day, we need to just focus on an hour.  But we need to try. 

Today I addressed my concerns about Espens behavior the last couple days with the teacher.  I am afraid he is bullying the kids.  I cried.  I accepted the information and shared my issue.  I trust that issues at school are handled because it is a learning environment and that if things are bigger we will all deal with them. Because ultimately, we are a team helping this little person figure out how to BE in this world.  I will not know every detail of his day but I will be involved in all the ways I can be.  I have to let my little boy grow up. 

I have to be this person so that I can teach my son how to be a kind, strong, smart young man. 

SPD reminder to mommy

Just when I think I have it all down, that I am on top of the sensory ball so to speak, something happens and I have to pull out the books and read something or look to the internet for some "answers" or I just rant & sound like a lunatic.  And sometimes I cry.  Because I am upset that I can't figure it out and that I am hard on my child when I should have known. 

Tonight after a long day first at work then volunteering with the food co-op, I was on edge when we went for pizza.  After 45 minutes with a wiggling child who kept kicking me, was loud and just didn't listen I was ready to go.  Honestly felt badly because we were with some very kind folks and we were celebrating the "reading" accomplishments!  I tried to "manage" my child.  I tried and tried.  I even forced him to go to the restroom when we remembered he had not gone for a long time and he won't tell us when he has to go, he just doesn't know, feel it or care.  I reminded him repeatedly to talk softer, wiggle less and not jump around.  I held his hand when oddly he got super upset.  I moderated his behavior while trying to engage in meaningful conversations with others. 

We left and I cried.  I am that mom who sometimes feels like she is just not doing enough to figure it out.  That this little boy rules the house and he is naughty and not a sensory kid.  That all the things I hear all the time about how I am as a mom (be firmer, spank more, punish, take away.... )and how he is as a little boy (just a boy, typical, bad, naughty little thing) are simply true.  I cried. 

When I talked to Espen and asked him why he thought he was in trouble all evening his response ... "because mommy I was just wild and you don't like me".... Then I cried some more.  I hugged him, told him I loved him beyond measure and that I was just unhappy with how he behaved.  I assured him tomorrow was a new day... it is. 

Then Doug told me how I was missing it.  That the place we were at is loud.  Two TV's flashing mutely in the corners on different channels.  Telephones ringing constantly and people talking. No other diners but many people none the less. The sight, smell & sound of his friend being sick.   Lots of smells from the kitchen.  People coming in and out of the kitchen and door picking up orders.  Eleven people sitting together for one meal.  Lots of food, smells and sounds on and around the table.  I stopped to listen to him tell me what I was missing and I imagined all those things that I was not bothered by.  I am not bothered.  My little son is. 

We know his nose works overtime and he smells things I can't imagine.  We know his ears are acutely sensitive and he hears things said in normal tones across spaces.  We know he is over stimulated easily by the flashing TV.  We know he is attuned to the pitch of voices and ringing of phones and some are annoying to him.  Somehow I just didn't think about all these things because my insistence that he experience regular outings rings strong in me.  I want him to do the things other people do. 

As I sit here quietly looking at a sensory book and WebMD I am reminded that for my amazing little boy, the world is not what it is for me.  His responses are not sometimes what you would expect and sometimes I have to change the way I think.  And tomorrow when the dark circles appear under his eyes or he crawls in bed to snuggle tonight or holds his fuzzy bear longer than a typical day I be reminded that the evening of pizza with his pals is totally overwhelming to his senses.  I will be reminded that no matter how much I admonish him or remind him, when his senses start being overwhelmed, his responses don't always jive with my desires.  But try we must so that he can have these experiences and on a good day mommy won't be flustered from the start and we can do our best to find some coping skills. 

Is it a school day?

Last year preschool was a disaster.  It was flat out a disaster. He had issues with every aspect from fine motor, wiggles and making friends.  The teacher never cared to speak to the therapists and neglected to accept the information I gave her about the sensory needs of my little boy.  Because he was in trouble so often and the other parents saw the teacher always talking to me, he was never invited to play with anyone and all my invites went unmet.  Needless to say, we should have pulled him out but we tried.  And that attempt took the eager willingness to learn right out of him. 

I worked to get Espen into the public school preschool and had great amounts of trepidation about it.  I took him to the new school.  We met the teacher.  We talked about a new place and new chances.  We talked about a school and a teacher with resources to do things that will make it fun for Espen to learn.  We talked about kids he could play with and make friends with.  We talked about being able to be invited to play.  He slowly started to look forward to the new school and a new chance.

He had some rough days at the start.  He was rough with his new friends.  He was extremely wiggly.  He came home several days upset that the teachers would think he was a "bad kid" when he had hard times.  I assured him repeatedly that each day was a new day.  That this new school forgives the mistakes of yesterday and starts each day fresh.  The teachers and the children would be kind and forgiving and help him with his sensory needs. 

We just had Espen's parent teacher conference.  It was nice to have his teacher come over and see his space and visit.  He is doing well!  My greatest fear was that he was not learning and was disruptive.  He is LEARNING.  He is kind and mannered.  He listens.  He is learning to ask for a break when he needs one.  He is getting the sensory input he needs when he needs it!  I am so proud of him. 

There of course are hard days.  There are days when he is in trouble for hitting or doing silly things.  But every day he wakes up ready to go to school  Every day he looks forward to the friends and the teachers.  Every day he is excited to be part of the school. 

And I am proud.  I am proud of him for doing his best and trying.  I am proud he is starting to recognize the needs when he has them.  I am thrilled the teacher helps him along.  That these hours I give my son to her, she is kind and encouraging of the learning process. 

While I may have issues with one thing or another, I must keep in mind that these are my issues not Espen's.  I may have concerns and some days be down right upset but that it is because I am an adult and have a completely different view on the situation.  I have dealt with the problems head on and can let them go so that each day is a new day and a fresh start.  When new problems arise, I will justly and calmly face those as well.  Just like I hope they do for Espen, I will do for them.  Espen loves to go to school and loves the class and that is what matters. 

I love that he is having so much fun!  "Is it a school day?" is his excited question most every day... because on those days there must be some great adventure before him!

12 things I let my sensory son do

It is getting to be HOLIDAY mode for so many of us.  The baking, the buying, the hustle & bustle.  Last week I was shopping for dishwasher soap at COSTCO with Espen, he is such a sensory seeker that some days I just don't even know what direction we will go in.  On this particular day, he was talking about the speed of light and climbing in and out of the shopping cart.  In one funny instant, I realized that I let him do things that most parents do not allow. 

Some of the things I let him do are just "typical" kid things that our fast paced society just forgot were fun for kids.  Some of the things I allow because it no longer seems like a battle I need to have.  Some things I let him do because I see the joy and peace it brings him.  So, in no particular order, are the things we allow....

#1  We let him eat with his fingers and stand at the table.  Of course some nights it drives me nuts because, like most everyone, I was raised to sit quietly and eat using the utensils.  But after battles, I decided it is just not one I want to keep having.  Espen has a hard time sitting and an equally hard time using utensils.  The fact of the matter is that we want him to feed himself.  And to try.  So we strongly encourage sitting and using a fork or spoon but if he is eating and getting the food to go down without "cheeking" it then we are half way there!  And really is it so bad to stand while you eat? 

#2  I allow him to RUN (like a wildly out of control urchin) in shopping centers.  Imagine a long customer free isle at Target or Menard's.  It is slick and smooth and wide!  Imagine the joy of running headlong down that isle and sliding on your stomach or knees!  Espen does not imagine it but he does it.  It is the perfect way to burn off some energy and feel the hard cold ground.  It is a good way to find your balance.  It feels great to come to a screeching halt and just as good to fly down the isle.  I know my son can not sit or walk next to me.  I know he has little impulse control and will touch nearly everything.  Running down the isle keeps him in my vision, happy and from touching stuff.  And if you run over him with a shopping cart, well he will look out next time and keep right on going. 

#3  I let him climb fences, walls, trees, slides.  I let him climb as high as he can get.  I let him get up there and feel the strength he needed to get there and the brain power he needed to figure it out.  I let him balance on tight spots because he thinks he can.  And if he should fall, well he falls.  I am near and can help if he asks.  He can figure out how to get up, he can figure out how to get down.  Balance.  My son can climb a tree as easily as he can use two bare feet to scoot up the wall in the hallway.  It is oddly amazing.  I want him to know that there is a limit to his ability and the best way for him to know is to feel what he can do. 

#4  We let him get dirty.  At the park or the back yard.  Getting dirty is part of being a kid!  I am always upset when I hear a parent at the park tell the children "don't get dirty"... HUH??  I take him to the park to play and we sometimes get messy.  Oh sure I have been at the park after a rain storm and the mud field called to him when I was not ready to have mud all over.  But the joy of being wet, muddy and cold were awesome to my little boy.  So we get dirty.

#5  He is 4+ and still uses a pacifier (B-B) at night (and if he is really stressed, during the day).  I don't care... he fixates on oral sensations and chews the wrong thing at night if he doesn't have it.  It stresses him out.  Maybe his teeth will be crooked or some other problems later but heck he may have had trouble without one.  This B-B makes his night time routine much smoother.  He will give it up when the time is right.

#6  We discourage but allow Espen to sleep with us.  For over 2 years he had great sleeping habits and stayed in his bed.  Then it became "necessary" for him to crawl in the bed next to me in the middle of the night and snuggle.  The battle to put him back often kept us all awake for hours.  A growth spurt made him hungry most nights so we were awake having snacks.  I bribe him now.  He gets $1 every night he sleeps in his bed.  We keep them taped to a piece of paper in the kitchen with a goal.  When he reaches that goal amount, he can go spend his money.  I don't take money from him for any infraction.  Honestly it takes him a LONG time to reach even the smallest goal.  He rarely needs food these days in the middle of the night but he does need that sensory input of my arm on him, my smell, my warmth.  And as strange as it sounds, if we can all get some sleep, then he can stay. 

#7  We make every attempt to put shoes and jackets on in cold weather but sometimes he just won't have it.  I don't think being outside in the cold will automatically make one sick so I just let it go.  Some days the battle is not worth it and I'd rather him go outside barely dressed and feel the sensations of the cold then to not allow him to go because he won't get "properly" dressed. 

#8  I let him drink coffee & coke... not a lot... not every day.  But he loves to get a coffee with me and he drinks it.  He loves to have coke with daddy.  Will the caffeine and sugar make him any more "wild"?  I highly doubt it.  If I can sit and encourage him to sip a hot coffee with mommy while eating a muffin... why not?  I have accomplished 2 things... sitting and eating!  And then we deal with what happens next!

#9  I encourage Espen to SPLASH!  He can splash in puddles or the pool but never in the tub!  I am that mom who takes her son to the pool nearly daily in the summer and super frequently in the winter.  He takes swim lessons.  The water feels really good to him.  He swims like a rock star (thanks to the great teachers he has had).  I am all for splashing in the pool.  I am that mom who splashes him repeatedly in the pool.  It is what the pool is for!  Giant splashes!  I am also the first one to put on rain coats and rain boots and go splash in puddles after or during a rain.  Splash & jump.  Get wet & muddy!  Feel the water falling on you!  But please do not splash in the tub or I will loose my mind.  I hate cleaning up the floor and walls when the splashing occurs.  Not that we take calm baths, because we don't.  But we don't do the wave splashes in the tub!!

#10  We let him blow noisy things.  He has whistles, horns, a real trombone.  We let him blow things to make noise.  Blowing is a good thing for him.  It makes him use those lungs and take deep breath.  Noise is fun!  He is a kid.  Kids should make noises.  I think it is amazing to see my little boy blow notes on a trombone.  I think it is annoying to have him blow a whistle.  But for a kid who complains about weird sounds it is fine for him to experience the noises he is making. 

#11  We let him watch Netflix on the ipad.  Yes sometimes more then the "recommended" amount.  Sometimes it bothers me.  Yet my son is ACTIVE from the moment he wakes until the moment he is fasts asleep.  No naps.  Little down time.  So if he wants to sit with the ipad for an hour and watch some cartoon or kid program upside down then I let him.  Sometimes I sit with him.  Sometimes I do laundry or other things!  His little body needs a break from motion and we have yet to discover something that will give that break to him like the ipad will. 

#12  We let him bake things.  Espen is not a super great eater.  I enjoy baking and cooking.  He loves to "help".  He can help and often the mess is bigger then the project.  But he can taste things (even if they are raw).  He can feel things.  He can measure and pour.  All of these are just as great as writing with a pencil. Sometimes this means we have to take a break to smear cool whip on the windows or clean an egg up off the floor.  But all these are great things too.... and who doesn't like to ice skate on the kitchen floor!  It is not always about the finished product but in the process it takes to get there!

I'd love to hear how you allow your child to do things that are not really acceptable norms for us these days.  I am quite certain there are about 12 more that I let him do that are not listed! 

Centered

I am a potter at heart and in the studio.  One of the first terms every potter learns is "centered".  This is a very critical step as it is the foundation of the pot. The pot is only as true and as strong as the centering.  This is the first part to getting the ball of clay perfectly in the center so that one doesn't have a lopsided pot!  If this step is not achieved, the rest is nearly a waste of energy. 

For years pottery has worked to "center" my mind.  The victim of an extremely active mind, having my hands dirty and in the clay means my mind has to focus on the one single task ~ centering the clay.  Feeling the clay, the wheel and the rhythmic pressure of centering makes the clutter in the mind fade into the far recess.  Throwing becomes therapeutic, calming and energizing all at the same time for me. 

Centering the body & mind is fairly common in our vocabulary today.  People are attempting to find ways to balance themselves.  To let everything else go so that the body & mind are harmonized ~ to find a balance between the emotional, physical and spiritual.  A balance from head to toe ~ both outside the body and inside the body.  Whatever your definition, when I say "I feel centered", you know what I am referencing. 

Most of the time my little sensory seeking son is not centered.  Generally he is so far from being connected to himself we don't know how to bring him together.  He crashes into things, spins wildly, moves, wiggles and shakes.  His mind moves as fast as his body.  Some days he stutters and stammers over his words because they just don't come out fast enough.  He rarely finds a calm and still place within himself.  All of his senses just work overtime.  For the most part I can only imagine because I have the ability to limit the things that are bothering me.  He is learning. 

I recently let him "play" on the wheel.  It was in that moment when he was sitting there with the wheel spinning and the clay just moving beneath his hands that I saw my baby "centered".  He was still and focused.  I know the look.  The look of calm.  The mind is finally clear of jittery thoughts and just that one moment is all that matters.  I saw it and he felt it.  And it was magic. 

But not only is clay and the process of centering good for my son but the whole activity is MESSY!  He loves a messy activity!  The pure feeling of putting his hands in something cold, wet & from the earth.  Smelling it.  Smearing it on his hands and if I am not watching his chest, legs, face, hair (believe me I am now an expert on how to get clay out of the tight curls).  The whirring sound of the wheel and little else.  The strength of his arms and hands to hold the clay on the moving wheel.  And for a short time when he asked for help, the warm sensation of my body behind him, my hands holding his, the exact pressure to make that lump centered on the wheel.  All of these sensations helped to put his mind and body in a calm place ~ he was centered.  If only for a little bit.  He pulled it all together and was one little united being with the machine and the earth below his little hands.  It was a magic that is hard to achieve.  

Where ever we find that magical place; when we know our body is centered and we can keep going for a minute or a week longer, we need to explore those options and opportunities for our little ones.  If it is yoga, running, baking, pottery, drawing, yard work, music, horse back riding, dance, wood work, auto repair.... as an adult you find the thing that clears your mind and puts your body at peace.  We need to find those places for our little ones.  For my little boy I have found two now... swimming and messy pottery (as he calls it). 

We certainly can not do them every day but we can find time for him to have those things.  Because the moment of clarity on his face.  The peace I can watch him find.  The still and calm movements. Even if they are short lived, are extremely important to feel. Just as they are important for me... they are for him.  Find what makes you centered, do it and then help your child....

Pumpkin Patch

We were so lucky to be given tickets to Vala's Pumpkin Patch by Pediatric Therapy Center.  We decided to go on Friday!  It never dawned on me that it would be a good day for field trips!  But once you tell an obsessive child you are doing something and you get ready for it and you drive out there, it is to late to change the mind!  We were there!  Go for it! 

We are pretty prepared for all kinds of kid behavior and we are pretty prepared for being wet or hungry or needing a quiet zone.  The pumpkin patch can be a super fantastic place for any child but for a sensory child it can be both fantastic and frightening.  

He had so much fun riding the pony ride.  The soothing jostle of a slow circle, the smell of the horse, the feel of the beast under him, the quieter rhythm of the children on the other ponies.  He loved it!  The dark mine shaft we should have avoided.  Although not a scary place, just a silly depiction of a mine, he was not happy, squeezed my hand and in a shaky voice said we needed to hurry (we did).  The corn pit and jumpy pillows were an awesome diversion that he played in for a long time.  The pedal cars allowed for some serious gross motor movement! 

Unfortunately, I made a terrible mom mistake and sat him down to eat a pretzel.  He was so excited that focusing on eating was not happening.  I thought lunch time would be soon so we moved on.  And then I failed to feed him lunch.  What was I thinking?!  He was happy and busy and focused and never once complained. 

We rode the hay ride to the pumpkin patch where he found a pumpkin as big as he is and made daddy carry it back.  He found some smashed pumpkins to poke and smell.  He found some dirt to play in.  He found a playground and watched the giant puppets sing.  He smelled popcorn, pumpkins, apples,  the outhouse, animals & people!  Imagine all those smells for a boy who smells everything!  He stuck his face as close to a goat as he could and said the goat smelled like hay and cat food.  He passed by an outhouse and screamed it smelled like poop.  I just never know what is coming next!   It was ultimately an awesome day!  But the next time I looked at the time it was 2:15pm and he had not eaten.  The mom decision to leave to feed him was suddenly met with a meltdown.  That I handled by carrying a crying child out the pumpkin patch and feeding! 

All the plans in the world and I am human!  I forget things. 

My sensory child never complains about being hungry or thirsty or cold or hot.  He never says he has to go to the bathroom or that he needs to sit down.  He can wake up in the morning and keep the same level of energy all day, with no stops and no complaints.  On occasion this can be a good thing... we can ski all day in the winter and as long as I am mindful of how I've dressed him and check he will never complain about the cold.  I can take him to the pool all day in the summer and apply sunscreen and he will never complain about being tired or hungry or hot!  But I have to be the mindful adult to make him stop and eat or go to the toilet or sit down to just give his little body a break!  My sensory child will just keep going and going.  I often forget how he is "tuned in" to things I am not.  How he notices things I just ignore.  Not ignore them because I make a choice but ignore because I simply do not notice.  The world for my son is full of things I rarely notice.  And when I am forced to notice them, because he LOUDLY points them out I think how overwhelming it must be for him.  And I am so proud of him because he just doesn't complain... he just explores and is curious and questions.  What a brave little boy!  It makes me appreciate the things around me even more because I can see and smell them with him (even if sometimes I do not want to!). 

*****************
Another AWESOME pumpkin patch was BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED.  A small drive south of Omaha but they have an incredible play area, shorter ride to pumpkin patch, smaller farm, less people.  Animals to see and feed.  The most delicious apple pie!  For Espen and his need to be on and in and around things, it was a great farm to take him to!  Except he was curious about how deep the water tank was for the cow and stuck his arm, coat and all into the tank so he had a wet sleeve for much of the day... all part of his process! 

Mom I THREW UP

While working on finishing a piece of furniture, my phone rang.  I am not in the habit of answering it when I am a mess.  So when the voicemail beeped, I thought I better listen.  Never dawned on me that Espen was at school and there may be a problem. 

This child is never sick.  He eats everything.  Licks most things.  And somehow has managed to have very few head colds and only had a stomach bug once as a tiny toddler.  Thankfully he has not had an antibiotic for anything other than swimmers ear.  So imagine my surprise when the nurse left a message saying he was in her office because he threw up.  I immediately called her back and said I was 3 minutes from school.  And I am! 

When I got there, he was barely in the nurses office, hanging onto the door... afraid (perhaps because the nurse is a total stranger, perhaps because he doesn't know what to do when he throws up, perhaps just because he didn't feel good).  He saw me and the tears started and the clinging. He then told me through his tears "MOM I THREW UP".  None of these behaviors are familiar to me.  Espen is not a clingy child nor does he cry much and he is not ever sick.  So I carried him to the car and managed to get him to let go of me long enough to drive us home.  And my baby clung to me and cried while we went inside.  Clearly he did not feel good!!

Finally I got him settled on the couch and he went to sleep.  It is super weird seeing my son laying so still during the day.  It is bizarre to see him so calm.  It is odd to have him ask me to hold him.  I can tell he is not feeling well.  I have no idea what to do with or for him.  Because for 4 years I have not had to deal with a sick child!  We don't see him slow down (even when he has had a head cold).  He is always on the move and totally independent.  This little boy laying so still on the couch makes my heart hurt.  He seems so small and fragile today.  I am thankful for his strength and spirit.  I am thankful for his health.  I am thankful for who he is and for the sensory issues we deal with every day. 

Doug is picking up clear drink, popsicles, Gatorade.... not things we usually keep I guess.  In a quick hurry I cleaned the entire house and sprayed Lysol all over so we can minimize anyone else feeling yucky. 

He woke up a little before one and took a bath and told me he was ready to go to therapy gym.  I told him I had cancelled for today.  He was PISSED off at me.... so the crying started all over.  Then he told me "But MOMMY I need that therapy".  Ahhhh... maybe he is starting to notice when he is feeling the need for some sensory input.... 

I will keep him home from school tomorrow.  I think that is fair to the other parents.  And clearly next time my phone rings while he is at school I will answer it!  I just never thought it would be about Espen!  Lesson learned! 

He hit you? I am sorry.

My beautiful strong 4 year old hit your child.  I am sorry.  I really am.  I am sorry that your child got hurt at the hands of my little boy.  I am trying to teach him appropriate boundaries and to use his words instead of his fist.  He acts rashly and quickly and often that means your child gets punched. 

I feel sad when I see the tears on another child's face because of the action of my son.  I am embarrassed and upset.  I will make my son apologize, but for him please understand the words are often just that ~ words. 

He is incredibly strong and lacks an understanding of pain so sometimes his punch was not meant to cause pain but was done in play.  "Normal" little boys often rough house but with mine, someone gets hurt. 

I am sorry if your child was screaming or playing loudly and my little guy punched him/her.  He is inconsistently bothered by sounds and proximity.  He lacks the self control to remove himself or cover his ears because his flight or fight kicks in.  And he will "fight".

I am sorry if your little person gets knocked down, pushed or ran into when my little guy is wildly running about at top speed.  Crashing into things helps him feel great.  He has not yet learned that for your child crashing is not awesome.  He does not intend to hurt anyone.  He is driven by an invisible force to seek sensations that your child may not need and that you and I don't understand.  He needs input and he is still learning how to get it.  I am learning too.  I am slow at this.  I am so sorry when we ram into your child. 

I try.  I really do.  I use all the techniques and tools to help him learn.  I am doing my best.  So is Espen.  It still makes me very sad to see your child hurt.  And afraid. 

Because if unintentionally my son keeps hurting your child, you will not want him around.  You will not let us try to be friends with your child.  I understand.  I am afraid my son will not have friends because he is so rough.  I keep him from situations because I know someone will accidentally get hurt and I know he may be at fault.  Every time a child screams I assume it is because of an action by my son.  It is frightening and upsetting.  I try to keep your child safe.  I am really sorry if he whacks your child. 

I want my beautiful kind little boy to learn appropriate interactions and boundaries.  I want him to behave appropriately.  We are working on it.  We keep trying.  Let us keep trying.
 

Slimy Smells

What you are about to read may gross you out.  That is the only warning you are going to get!

My little boy eats worms the same way he eats spaghetti noodles.  He picks up and smells cicadas and poop.  Sometimes if I don't stop him, he licks them.  Laundry soap, dish washer soap, shampoo all go in the mouth.  Frequently a hand shake is followed by the hand sniff and if your hand had an odor that got on him he makes comments about the smells (in his loud voice).  Some moms freak out if their child touches the shopping cart, mine licks it.  My point is for years now he has licked and smelled most everything.

Needless to say I keep a pretty safe house.  I know that after I mop the floor he will lick it so I no longer use harsh chemicals that will hurt him.  I no longer react when he eats or licks bugs because a reaction will only get that item swallowed faster.  It is not as if I don't care... I certainly do not like this "strange" behavior.  At age 4 he has not been sick (from anything) so we just keep going!  It is not to say that we freak out sometimes!  We have had an incident of grand proportion just last weekend.  At a hotel he found a blue pill on the floor that we didn't see.  He pocketed it until we were not looking and then put it in his mouth.  The first bite must have been foul tasting and he spit it out.  Thankfully the internet provided us with the answer to WHAT WAS IT?!  And a call to poison control was avoided. 

He has also always loved to be a mess!  I change more clothes and clean up more messes then I care to mention!  We do not finger paint in the winter because it requires a hose to clean.  We do not worry about mud or sandy shorts anymore.  All of his clothes are play clothes!  I tend to look for hand me downs and we don't worry about saving them. 

Yesterday he convinced me to let him get a pumpkin from Menard's.  He even helped me by putting it in the shopping cart.  When we got home, he carried it up the stairs.  And then he convinced me that we should carve it.  Why not!  It was inexpensive and it would be an activity to keep him still for a few minutes!

Imagine my surprise when he was turned off by the smell and slimy feel of the inside of the pumpkin.  This was a new reaction!  He has of course carved pumpkins and cleaned out insides before.  But this particular occasion, he was oddly grossed out.  Yet he kept coming back and helping.  We have a saying here in our house "try and try and keep trying ~ don't get mad if you try your best".  He kept trying. 

Yesterday he needed a towel to keep his hands from being slimy.  He didn't like the way the pumpkin felt on him.  He didn't put the pumpkin in his mouth because he told me it smelled horrible.  The seeds he managed to scoop up into a bowl and took to his garden and planted them all in one hole (I can only hope the winter kills them all or I will have a giant pumpkin patch).  I was amused at his strong reaction to a pumpkin. 

He eventually finished carving it (I helped) and he was super proud of it.  We had to put a candle in it and put it outside.  Then he needed to keep checking on it.  Because as gross as it smelled he was obsessed with it.  Finally at dark we moved it from the front porch to the deck so he could see it out the window.  He checked on it until he had to go to bed.  And to my grouchy surprise, he felt inclined to wake up at 3:30am to check on it.  Then at 7am he discovered the candle was burned out and he had a meltdown. 

The pumpkin is now sitting on the kitchen counter with a candle in it.  He will be home straight after school and will check on it. 

I have a beautifully strange son.  I can be both surprised and delighted at this pumpkin.  He both hates it and loves it.  It is so hard to keep up with his unique sensory issues!  Daddy expressed it perfectly as he was going to work and Espen was obsessing about the pumpkin "we have an entire month before Halloween... what a ride we are in for this year!"....

Honor to Write

I started a blog when my son was born. The blog was nothing about him or even being a parent at first.  It was a "joke" about my clumsy ability to break things.  I am a gadget geek.  We are generally broke (like most people).  And thus my first blog was about mommy breaking gadgets or being broke... www.mommybrokeit.blogspot.com.  I decided right away that I would be honest ~ often brutally.  And I shared the strange and wild tales of breaking gadgets, crazy weird things my little son did and adventures.  Sometimes I sat down to write with sobs in my words because the things that happened were so isolating and I didn't know how to go one more minute. 

Last year when we discovered Espen had a sensory processing issue I decided to separate those tales out because sometimes I write about being broken and it has nothing to do with sensory things.  I started a sensational blog for tall tales about my little boy and the beautiful wild things that happen to us.  In this I also am painfully honest.  Sometimes I write things no one wants to even think to themselves.  I do it for me but because sometimes it is my prayer that I am not alone in this sensational mess we often find ourselves in. 

Then because I have a hard time finding "parent" support I started a facebook page.  I post random and silly things mostly to myself but there are some joining me.  Not necessarily sensory parents but moms (and dads) who just need some support and resource occasionally.  We can find strength in each other. 

Imagine my surprise and delight when a mom at therapy asked me if I was "Espen's Mom".  Indeed.  She went on to tell me that she happened upon my blog and my words resonated in her and she shared them with her friends and family.  Tears in my eyes.  I was surprised and humbled all at the same time.  I write and sometimes know my friends and family read stuff but I am never sure I reach anyone else.  I was honored.  Thank you fellow mom for sharing my struggles in this journey with these amazing kids!  I understand and recognize the joy and struggle our special children bring us! 

If you want to know more about me, my son, the disorder, our journey... follow along in our life!!  We welcome the support and knowledge you can share!

Being Lucky

Sometimes being in the right spot at the right time is just luck.  Last week I took Espen to the zoo.  As anyone with a sensitive child knows, the zoo can be either really great or really horrible.  The Omaha Zoo is generally not super busy, is easy to navigate and has lots of space for quiet meltdowns if it happens!  It also has lots of great areas that are fantastic "sensory" areas for little people!  We started our time at the zoo climbing all over a giant sculpture, splashing in a fountain and then seeing the butterflies.  We rode the sky tram across the park (viewing the rhinos, cheetah and a monkey) and played at the playground.  We crossed the bridge at the koi pond and fed the fish, rang the giant gong and walked in the "smelly park".  We walked and talked and lay in the sun.  We waved at the train and chatted with fellow patrons.  On our way out, we happened upon a table of master gardeners and butterfly experts. 

And this is when I nearly had a heart problem.  While I was politely listening to the gardener, I was watching Espen who was thrilled to see some butterflies in the net.  They were tagging the monarch butterfly.  Suddenly the expert handed one to the little girl standing next to Espen and I moved into the picture!  My stomach did some flips.  He had just been told he would be next.  My son is far from gentle on most days.  He likes to smell and taste most things (even bugs).  He is a crasher and a crusher.  So imagine my fright at what was about to happen. 

He did fantastic.  He followed the instructions and did great.  I made a video! 

As we were leaving the zoo I asked what was his favorite part.... the playground.  OF course! 

Thank you Omaha zoo for letting children have this experience! 

My resource Guide for my Sensational Kid

Recently a wonderful friend of mine shared a link to a fantastic page full of helpful links for a sensory kid (or really any child!).  The shared page is just full of fantastic ideas and books.  I am most excited that she shared it with me when she came across it and that for all my ramblings the issues are being heard! 

As a parent with a child I needed to read and know all I could for us both!  So while the list of resources is great I wanted to put out there one of my own that has helped us learn and grow.

A sensory diet is important in our home and we have all the latest and greatest gadgets (that we can afford). 

Books for Espen and for us have been important.  Unfortunately there are not a lot for the littlest children (I wrote my own for him) but these we have and we love to read and it is great to have family read these to him for they all get some information! 
Ellie Bean The Drama Queen
This is Gabriel
Meghan's World
I'm Not Weird I have SPD
Arnie and His School Tools
Squirmy Wormy: How I Learned to Help Myself
Why Does Izzy Cover Her Ears?
Sensitive Sam
Pickysaurus Max

I have read
The Out - Of - Sync Child
The Out - Of - Sync Child Has Fun
Raising A Sensory Smart Child
Sensational Kids
Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight
Sensory Bins

I have searched and searched for fantastic sensory "toys" for him. 
Sensory Goods has been a great shop for me to get a snuggle swing, weighted lap pad & blanket and teddy bear.

His weighted vest I purchased from etsy.  The vest is fantastic and since she utilizes a vest from Land's End, he looks just like any other child with a vest.  And the weights remove easily!

Of course Amazon has tons of helpful things!  We have balance boards, scooter boards, weighted balls, fidgets, body sox and other manipulative items.  Recently we purchased Yogagorilla cards, Wicky Sticks ABC deck & the Scooter Board activity pack.  He loves choosing a letter to study or a yoga position to do with mommy! 

Fat Brain Toys is a fantastic local and online store for sensory games.  We have several fantastic games including Don't Rock The Boat, Scatterpillar, Trucky and Memory Faces Game.  These games are super easy and work small motor and the mind!  Not to mention they are fun for the whole family! 

For over 3 years I learned to deal with my "bad" son who was fast and furious a lot of the time.  Then I found a resource who listened.  And in the last 9 months I have read and borrowed, asked and researched.  I put my "free" time to use to share ideas, learn new things and get myself right so that I can best help my little boy. 

We of course have our bad days but I can always go back to what we know.  I'd love to share your resources and ideas! 

Dining Out

Listen to the news lately and you will have heard incident after incident of restaurants "banning" children after a certain hour at night.  I am actually all for it.  (Unfortunately there are also cases of just bad manners and rude behavior but that is not my point today).  I don't want my child to just eat fast food or wrapped food.  Quite the opposite.  I want him to eat at a restaurant that has nice service and atmosphere. 

I know my child.  I know our limitations.  I know that we have made messes but part of the curve has always been to clean it up.  I have been that mom under the table cleaning up spilled food before we leave because it is important.  I have made my son clean up dropped stuff before we leave an establishment.  I always tell him the same thing ~ "This place is here to serve you food, not clean up after you.  We want to be good and kind citizens."  I do not believe this is standard practice.  Before I knew we were a family with sensory issues we tried taking him to restaurants.  And I was the mom to remove him when a melt down happened so the other dinners and staff were not bothered.  Not because I am ashamed of my son, but because I it is a treat for most to dine out and I don't want that treat spoiled by our behavior.

Currently, I don't take my child to restaurants.  He is not able to sit very long, is bothered by crowds, has the wiggles and uses an outside voice more than an inside one.  Not because I don't want him to learn to behave at a nice place but because I know we are not there yet.  He has a struggle sitting at the table at home.  We will get there.  We practice manners at home.  We practice sitting in a chair at dinner for 15 minutes.  We practice quiet voices and using a fork!  When he can do it at home I will take him out to a place that doesn't serve food in a wrapper!  The Today Show mom's posted a good article about dining out with kids.  It all starts at home and then the steps to get to the fancy places.  I'm taking those steps. 

We live on a tight budget.  Going out to dinner means also paying the babysitter.  We do not do it very often.  When we do the last thing we want is to sit next to a table full of children having a hard time.  Even if the parents think things are great; children are loud by nature, they get bored and lack patience.  I love my child and I enjoy seeing children out but the last thing I want when I am going out without him is to sit near a family with unruly children. 


Judge me.

I applaud these restaurants.  I appreciate a restaurant makes this policy.  Besides let me be very honest... children have no business eating out after 8pm anyway.  (After a certain hour of the evening adult conversations and behaviors are not appropriate for children.)    

"That kid has PROBLEMS"

We recently returned home from a trip to Colorado.  We were mainly there for a family visit but we took time to enjoy some "tourist" activities.  Every morning Espen woke up and asked if we could go in the mountains and have a picnic.  (The last time we were in CO we spent a couple nights in Breckenridge and I believe that made an impression).  Plus the mountains provided trails, solitude, quiet and lots of gross motor crashing that he finds calming.  We made sure to take time to do that in between the busy tourist activities with the family. 

It is always a challenge to be away from home.  Our routine is thrown out the window.  Our eating is messed up.  The beds are all different.  For a child like Espen it is much more than that.  The sights of a strange place.  The smells.  The sounds.  The strange routines of other people and children.  And while he tried and we tried to maintain good behavior, there were several times he had to be removed from situations and either calmed or corrected.

He is not a bad child.  He is not wild.  He is sensitive to all sensory stimuli.  Where 'normal' children can tune things out, Espen can not.  He is rough because his pain sensors feel things differently.  He is NON stop because he just has to get all he can!  His behavior is not the result of poor parenting (although I suppose it may appear that way).  So imagine my surprise when I heard "that kid has problems".... "medication may be the answer".... "you are mean and a bad influence"...when we had thought we had done a pretty decent job of educating our families about is disorder. 

Yes I suppose Espen does have problems.  He has a disorder that is strange to most people.  He has parents who read about it and learn about it and purchase equipment most families don't have to even consider.  We limit his sugar and color intake because we notice a drastic change in behavior.    We remove him to calm or correct him... and we do so quickly.  Maybe his problem is that I am present all the time. 

At the present date we do not think medication is the answer.  Certainly if it seems as if his quality of life and education will improve with it, then we will explore all our options.  Right now he responds to therapy and constant supervision.

He is 4.  He is not mean by nature.  He is independent and curious.  He doesn't stop once he is rolling with a decision to consider the consequences.  This is typical behavior in a four year old! Children repeat what they hear.  We should all be mindful about what we say and the ears that hear it.  Espen is not a mean child.  His hugs are powerful.  His smile magnetic.  His laugh contagious.  He is unsure of his body mass in relation to that of others.  He feels little pain or pressure so seeks out the constant touch and it seems rough.  We work every day on boundaries and gentle touches. 

Sensory processing is not the same for every child.  Nor is it the same for my child every day.  Our lives are like the ocean... constantly moving.  It is hard on him and on us ~ none of us in this house know what will happen when morning comes and sometimes we go hour by hour.  And yet we keep going and do our best.   And we appreciate when someone stops and really asks what is happening and what it means and how it is.  We appreciate the non-judging curiosity of how it must be for us.  Because that is how we learned ... we asked.  We can help Espen and other children like him if we ask and answer about this strange little disorder...sensory processing

Exhaustion

Exhaustion creeps in slowly.  It is like a dense fog that you can see in the distance swirling towards you.  Thick and looming it increases slowly.  Until it just overtakes you.  The fog of exhaustion dulls your mind and senses.  The body feels slow and full of weight.  Daily tasks are challenging.  Simple chores become that much harder.  Exhaustion. 

We are experiencing it at our house.  We have tried it all.  Without fail our son wakes up during the night.  Unlike infancy, when I just fed, changed and soothed him back to sleep this problem comes with a new set of problems.  When E spen wakes at any time, he is WIDE AWAKE.  There is no slowly getting up or partial arousal, he is as alert as if he had not gone to sleep.  So when he wakes in the middle of the night it is a challenge! 

When he turned 3 this problem started.  Prior to that, he was sleep trained to have a couple books, self soothe and go to sleep.  Even when he transitioned to a big boy bed.  We managed to teach him good sleep habits and our routine was consistent.  We never thought we would have sleep problems because he played so fast and hard all day that sleep was necessary to wind back up his energy levels! 

At age 3 we really began to notice extreme behavioral, physical and social differences between him and his peers.  And we began to have some sleep problems.  An occasional night wakening occurred.  It went from occasional to more often than not.  Now he is 4 and he wakes every night ~ and I mean EVERY!  His sleep habits are strange and hard for us but he never seems to appear tired or slow down at all.  Rarely does he fall asleep during the day and if he does, we wake him so that we don't mess up what little routine we have. 

He doesn't wake up crying or from dreams.  We have thought about nightmares, night terrors and all of the common issues.  He just wakes up alert.  Like he has had enough sleep and his day is ready to start!

He goes to bed easily.  A couple books, milk and he goes to sleep easily.  Bedtime at our house for him is 8pm.  Most typically around 10:30pm he wakes and needs to use toilet.  Most of the time we can get him back to bed quickly and without much problem.  Then sometime between midnight and 4am, he wakes.  There is nothing from any book or advice or blog or suggestion that we have not tried!  We have let him cry, let him stay up, given melatonin, fed him, let him sleep with us, slept with him.  He wakes and is engaged and ready to go.  Unfortunately engaging mommy means mommy can not go right back to sleep!  And thus the exhaustion! 

He will eventually settle back down every night.  Right next to me.  No exceptions.  He has to have his B (pacificer ~ yes still, at night to calm the oral needs) and fuzzy bear (that is really not a bear but a lump of soft fur).  No matter the temperature, he loves the weight of the blankets and my arm.  We have the weighted blankets, bears, pads but they are not the same as mommy.  This is unfortunately how we have "fixed" our sleep issue. 

There is virtually no way to DO any more activity then we already do.  My child is active 100% of the day.  We have limited his tv/ipad watching to 1 hour a day and that hour is before noon.  We have limited or removed all artificial color & most processed foods.  We have limited sugar and don't let him have any after 3pm.  It gets better but he wakes and we accommodate the strange needs. 

I know there are other parents that feel this exhaustion.  And frustration.  We want our son to have good sleep habits so that he can function at the highest best level.  Sleep is an important ingredient in our lives.  I will continue to function at near deprived levels until a miracle happens or we learn the secret to our little boys sleep pattern! 

Sensational Summer Fun

We wait and wait for summer in our house!  Summer means we can be outside for longer periods of time not only because the day is longer but because it is finally warm (or hot).  Summer means we don't have to put on layers of uncomfortable clothing; we can go outside with barely anything and leave the shoes behind!  Ahhh we wait for these short few months! 

For my sensory little boy, summer is the most magical time.  Clothing tends to annoy him so he lives for the moments when he can just live in his swim shorts all day.  Shirt & shoes are totally not necessary.  Unless we are going shopping.  Stop by our house at any moment and you will find him in just shorts!! 

We are outside much of the day even when temperatures reach high into the 100's and the humidity spikes.  We find shade and drink water or koolaid and eat frozen treats.  We make mud messes, finger paint our bodies and the house, chalk up everything we can.  We squirt the dogs with water guns and throw water balloons.  We turn on the water slide in our back yard and the "fire hose" and we use our imagination to put out dangerous situations.  We go to the pool nearly every day and swim in the deepest area, dive for random toys, talk to strangers, jump off the dive board and soak up the warm rays of summer!  We take trips to the zoo and search out interesting animals.  We go to the park and play tag, swing off the monkey bars and climb up the slide (yes that's right UP it because it is fun!).  We put a small pool on the trampoline and jump in and out of it.  We call it splash zone!  We ride our bikes, skateboards, ATV and scooter.  We take a break and go ice skating.  We go on nature hikes and bring home groovy rocks or pinecones.  He plants his own garden and waters it and eats it (this year it is strawberries and mint).  We find bugs and worms and put them in the bug box or dig a hole for them.  We play in the sandbox and hide treasure or his little body!  We make volcanos and mountains explode! 

And when it is time for a rest we lay on the couch eating snacks and watch movies.  Our favorites right now are WRECK IT RALPH, RISE OF THE GUARDIANS, PARANORMAN & HOTEL TRANSALVANIA.  In fact, if you have missed any of those, you should watch them.  They are great!  Can't go wrong with a summer of odd movies!  We play with the wooden train set or the million matchbox cars.  We crash things.  We smash things.  He helps me make no-bake cookies and frozen treats.  We rarely use our oven in the summer so we have to be creative.  Stirring and mixing and cooking are good inside activities. 

Summer fun...  can't happen all year because we live where the sun sets early and the cold sets in for long months.  Months when we are afraid to know the temperature and more afraid not to know.  Months when we have to shovel a path to get out before we can think about fun.  Months when we have to take long minutes putting on all the gear just to stay warm.  Summer is a time to enjoy every moment.  Car trips and travel.  Beaches and ranches and mountains.  Summer is for fun!

We enjoy our summer to the fullest... what are you doing!?

Sensational Time in Florida

We recently returned from Florida!  It was an awesome family vacation!  For our sensory kid it is heaven!  The sand & surf are calming.  Imagine the quiet stretches of sand and the sound of the waves.  The weight of the water and the sand.  Allowing your small body to be crashed and smashed to the ground over & over by the waves.  Being buried under mounds of warm wet sand.  Digging and searching for treasure!  The smell of salt and fish.  The warmth of the sun and the mist in the wind.  Tasting the fish that is freshly cooked.  He was sensory happy for 7 days.  The beach is a beautiful place that clears the head and heals the soul!  For our son, the beach is the most relaxing place.  He was able to sleep soundly and play for long stretches of time.  He was comfortable in his skin.  There was no crashing and smashing into people.  He had the beach to do that to him! 

And we can feel like we can make it another few months in Nebraska because we have the beach calling us back.... Soon soon... for it is a healing place for a sensory kid like Espen!

Enjoy a glimpse of our fun time!! 

Click here to view these pictures larger

Sensational Birthday

My son turned 4!  It is with both happiness and sadness that I celebrated.  For my only child I have only this one chance to make every moment count!  He had a party a few days before hand and he had a great time!  The park is a fantastic place to spend a couple hours.  Keep it simple... we had cupcakes and gifts and he PLAYED.. as long as he wanted.  When he tired we left!  Perfect! 

Our child is mildly obsessive about random things.  One of which is that IF he knows a celebration or holiday is coming up, he will virtually ruin it by his constant questions, unwrapping of gifts and needless stress.  So after 4 years we just don't tell him WHEN things are!  For example, we put up tree at Christmas and we look festive!  He has an advent calendar and we can count days.  But we never tell him when.  Christmas eve we put out every single gift and make the place a wonderland of magic.  And BAM he starts his celebrations!  Otherwise each time I put a gift out it would be a battle to keep it unopened... and the stress would drive him (and me) nuts! 

So his birthday... he wakes quietly!  He had no notion of the day it was!  Found some nail polish I left out and took it to living room!  Painted his nails on my carpet (did make some drops) and saw as he was sitting there the gifts!  OH MAN .. he was so excited to wake us at 6:30am!!   And not only did he have a gift to open as he jumped into the bed, but he had the pretty red toes!!  So as soon as his 2 little gifts were unopened and parts everywhere they had to be put together and tried out!!  OF COURSE!  His mind would be completely out sorts if we didn't do it this way.  And by 7:30am we were trying to clean the carpet and getting outside to test these things!  He was happy and at peace with his world. 

So we had a grand day of fun and celebrating... the spots of nail polish are still on my carpet.  The fireman's water hose is drained and in the garage and the sand scoop has been used to dig a giant hole!  We lost $20 at the pizza place playing video games and riding the rides but we collected enough tickets to bring home yet another gun to shoot balls at mommy with!  And as he went to sleep he said THANK YOU FOR THE BIRTHDAY MOMMY... IT WAS AWESOME.  And so it was all worth it. 

As you think to yourself that I should try to say NO more and make him wait or go back to bed ... my child is told no plenty.  I am not soft or weak.  Life becomes a different pace and way when you live with a tiny boy with some quirky behaviors.  We all adjust.  Be thankful for your children who can wait and keep calm in the face of new things.  Our little boy has terrible time with new situations (even small ones like gifts under a tree) and transitions between things.  We adjust.  It is what life with a sensory kid!  Life is an adventure of sorts and we do the best we can.... to find the happy moments and hold onto them as long as we can!