Holiday Exhaustion

I'm tried.  But eh who cares... we all are right!  I'm frazzled and anxious about finding myself careening headfirst into the HOLIDAY season.  But many are finding themselves feeling the same but for perhaps much different reasons.

It is not because we are broke or unable to travel or 'alone' this year.  It is not because I don't have a plan for gifting.  It is not because I am not eagerly anticipating a joyous season watching the magic on my child's face and feeling his excitement for all things festive... I love that.

This total exhaustion and dread started just after Halloween.  It is getting progressively worse.  And sadly, it is taking some of my joy from the season.  Honestly, I am just tired.  The issue is that Espen is sleeping less and less.  He is waking earlier and earlier and not going back to sleep.  Let me be very clear... this is not a typical extra half hour on either side of the night.  It is that he can be fighting bed time until 11pm and wide awake at 2:30am to NEVER go back to sleep again until we start the dreaded process all over again.

We have taken technology.  We have bribed.  We have yelled and snuggled.  We feed him eggs and protein in the middle of the sleeplessness.  We try early bed and later bed to see what might work. We keep active so he is physically tired.  We get fresh air, even in the cold.  We give him melatonin and warm milk.  We keep his room cool and his sheets clean.  We remove toys and distractions.  We have tried an alarm clock, a calendar and tricks.  We read books and dim lights.  We power on when he is awake at 2:30am and we go to school and work and we keep at it.  There are no days off because we are tired.  There are never naps.  There is not a lot of sugar or junk at our house.

As we creep past Thanksgiving and December hits, schedules at school get altered just ever so slightly to account for "fun stuff".  Days off for Thanksgiving followed by music concerts and classroom parties and fun activities as teachers prepare for time away from school!  We fit in family time and visits to Santa.  We wrap gifts and sing carols.  The excitement builds and he is boundless in his enthusiasm to embrace LIFE.

And even still as I tell you how TIRED I am and I know what to expect (a hellish nightmare of total exhaustion) I find myself eager to have him home for Thanksgiving.  We will go see a movie, visit with friends, light up our tree, eat to much, hike in the woods and play more than most!  I find myself looking up when Jolly Saint Nick arrives so I can plan on getting him in a clean outfit for a quick visit.  I hand him all the holiday catalogs and a marker so that he can be engaged in making circles.  I smile and oblige when he asks if we can make Christmas cookies for the neighbors and sing in a video for his Aunts.

I dread the endless days and nights of anxious excitement.  I sigh at the continued inability to help him understand time and days of the week.  I find ways to experience the season and put a safety bubble in place to minimize our holiday parties, festivities and decorations.  I visit with his teacher to help them put some systems in place to help him.  We experience the holidays in large ways and without much sleep so minimizing only helps a little!

So for the next month, if you don't hear much from me or I look tired or frazzled, just know it will pass and we will get sleep.... In January!  When life returns to schedules and is much less exciting!  For now, we enjoy what we do, we do it as a family and we are tired!

This is my normal.  I am thankful for my normal and that I can manage on little sleep.  I am thankful for the gifts my child brings to my life and the courage to expose him to this frenzied holiday season.