i'm black

It may be important to preface this for any first time readers with ~ My son is adopted.  He is African American / Native American.  We are Caucasian parents. 

Sitting with Espen at the lunch table I was point blank asked by a peer "why did you adopt a black baby, you're white".... I was stumped and surprised but covered it up really fast with my "I just wanted a family, it makes no difference what he looks like" answer.  I applauded her curiosity and appreciated her ability to ask a question adults would never dream of. 

This peer was not finished asking me questions... wanted to know how Espen got black, why I adopted him again and why did I adopt in general.  I always believe in honest answers and gave her the best ones I could at that moment.  The other children were listening to this exchange.  Especially Espen (who knows he is adopted). 

This lovely little girl went on to tell me an amazing account of her life ~ complete with being left alone and adopted by a "black mom" ~ all of which I learn are far from the truth.  But she was convincing and I listened.  Then I just encouraged them to all EAT YOUR LUNCH!

To my credit as a mom we recognize and talk about adoption.  We talk about why we adopted, how it happened and where he came from.  We talk about how families are different and come from different places.  We talk about his birth mom, Tia, her difficult choices and the gift of love.  We talk about all the people who loved him to make our adoption happen.  We talk about our own choices in hair (he is currently in Mohawk again), clothes, words and actions.  We must never talk about him as "black".  He is just my son....

So imagine my suppressed giggle when after listening to this whole exchange with his peer, he leaned really close to me and said "mom AM I BLACK".  My response didn't even matter because he was off to the rest of his day and it never came back up.  It seems we need to give some acknowledgement of his roots.  Never are we ashamed of his heritage, to us, he is just our son... the most amazing gift in the world. 

It is more important to teach our child how to be who he is not what color he is.  We focus on his talents, skills and knowledge not on his color.  We provide him with every imaginable shade and shape of toy that stimulate his imagination and creativity.  We tell him all about what we know of Tia and we do so with respect for her choices and understanding of how hard those choices were.  We must positively demonstrate how to look past what people look like and focus on other qualities. 

We teach him how to be Espen... because he is AMAZING!