sleep over

A sleep over.  Oh no thank you.  Not with grandma.  Not with an aunt.  Not with a friend.  Yes I am being inflexible.  I know you are thinking that if I am not there, he will fit into your routine and rules and just go to bed.  I know my child very well ~ it won't happen. 

Will you be awake at 3am?  Is your house secure beyond the reaches of my five year old?  Do you have harmful things where they can be found (medication, matches, weapons, cleaners, alcohol)? 

Our child goes to bed the same way every night.  He gets in his bed with some drama at 7:30pm.  Mom reads & snuggles.  He has a snack.  Dad reads.  Sleep.  Sometimes Dad has to sit in the room until he falls asleep.  On average, our entire routine is 45 minutes.   On the occasion that Dad is not available, the pattern is OFF and the period of time that it takes to calm down and go to sleep is much longer. (Mostly because I have to answer a thousand questions about where is dad!).  He has a routine with Hannah (the amazing) because she has developed one over the last 5 years.  But even on those nights she puts him to bed, 90% of the time, he wakes looking for us or hears us when we get home and is awake. 

Yes, we have read the books that suggest this is a horrible way to "teach" good sleep patterns.  I could write my own book on it.  We have tried all the "sleep" tricks and this at the moment works for our family. 

Our child is a light sleeper.  Any outside noise and often inside noises that are different, wake him.  TO TOTAL ALERT, wide awake, ready to start the day.  (Surely you have read one or two blogs about Espen waking at 3am and staying up!??).  It doesn't matter if it is 11pm or 3am.  If he is up, he is UP!  He won't be sleepy, struggling to stay awake, he will be FULLY AWAKE. 

Once awake, our child will rarely go back to sleep.  Nor will he quietly lay in bed.  He likes someone to be awake with him and to play.  He may like to eat.  He often wants to take a bath.  Yes in the middle of the night.  Time means little to him. 

Our child is a runner.  Our house is secure beyond imagination every night.  Doors with 3 locks and alarms.  Windows with extra barriers.  It is a fortress.  He is not mean spirited about running away.  He just is uber curious and lacks the ability to remember when is an appropriate time to leave and that we should tell mom before we go.  He lives in his mind and sometimes that does not mean speaking out loud.

Our child rises early and quietly.  He can quickly find trouble.  He doesn't ask, he just does.  We keep the medication and matches locked in a gun safe.  We don't have typical household cleaners, we buy ones that are kid & dog friendly, and even then they are up above the washer out of reach.  The liquor is out of sight and stored tight.   

This is the way we live.  It is not the way of all families.  We understand and recognize that.  But it is our way. 

I know, you still have your doubts and think he can handle a sleepover.  Because you know we travel.  Yes, we travel.  When we do, we know it is going to be exhausting. We plan things as much as we can.  We take bedding from home so the smell is the same.  We adjust ourselves so we are ready.  Espen has to see, touch and smell his way around a new location.  New sights, sounds, textures, smells.  He has to explore and find comfort with it all before he can calm down.  And even then, his mind is afire with sensory overload and he is restless. 

Hotels are better then relatives homes typically.  There is a sameness in each and every hotel across America. With one door in, we can "secure" the room more easily.  We stay where there is a pool and we can swim until he is worn down.  When we stay with relatives, we can get very tired very quickly.  His environment is changed and he is off.  Out of balance.  Sensory overloaded. 

We politely decline.  Not for just our peace of mind but for your peace.  Most importantly, we decline for Espen. 

And it is OK.