Kindergarten FOR REAL

Espen stared Kindergarten FOR REAL!  After all the work we did this summer to try to level off his behavior we failed to find the solutions before school started.  So we keep working every day.  We have good times and bad and know that the teacher and staff at the school are helping and working with the therapist and me to find ways to make it better.  I know it is hard when she has 20 other kids to manage and I appreciate her efforts and compassion with my child. 

It is SO incredibly lonely at the house all day.  Every day for the last 5 years I have had one little boy to listen to and talk to.  I have spent countless hours playing and going places.  I have cleaned up and made messes with him.  He has been my helper and my shadow. 

It is now quiet.  The house is empty and quiet for 7 hours each day.  He gets home and needs some "down time" and I give it to him.  It is incredibly hard not knowing what my child does all day.  If he is kind and gentle or a wild buffalo.  It is sad not seeing his triumphs and amazing smile at the successes.  It is quiet not listening to the million questions and little boy chatter.  Honestly it sucks. 

It is harder yet because my child has not the ability to actually tell me what happened in his day.  I hear nothing about the whole day.  His recall is oddly not present.  I can get a few tidbits from the teacher before we leave the school but for the most part I do not get anything.  EXCEPT amazing stories.  Espen is quite a story teller and he concocts these amazing stories.  So I hear about grand adventures that I know are false but it is what he decides to share with me.  Rarely I get a few facts about his day but they come in the most bizarre ways that I am not sure.  It is a weird household!

Maybe for now I have to be satisfied with that.  Maybe he spends his whole day keeping it together and quiet that when he sees me he just must fall into the land of creative and entertain me with his imaginary adventures.  Maybe it is how he is.  Maybe just one day he will tell me something real about his day.  

For now I hug him like crazy when he lets me.  I play or sit or cuddle when he is ready.  And I am thankful for the last 5 years because it is how we got to this point.  But I really miss him......