dark little box

Sometimes I am just so engrossed in the moment that the shocking things don't really shock me.  Until later. 

After a successful shopping excursion to Bass Pro I pushed our limit and went straight to Cabella's.  The good behavior lasted and I was able to finish some holiday shopping.  When we were in the car he TOLD ME he was ready to go home.  He recognized that he was done and told me.  What happened next is no surprise. 

I needed to stop one more place.  I had one quick prescription to pick up from Target.  In and out.  FAST.  I had forgotten that Target has started to be a "no fly zone" for Espen and he is bothered by the intercom & lights & shoppers.  As we entered the door, he started reciting LLAMA LLAMA HOLIDAY DRAMA.  He knows the book.  I was not listening. 

That quick pick up turned into a nightmare.  He kicked his boots off.  He screamed at people, at me.  He nearly kicked another lady.  He laughed like a mad man.  He warned me that he was going to call the police on me.  He was crazier then I have seen him.  I was struggling to pay and get the hell out of there. I had to carry a screaming, thrashing 45 pound child out to the car.  Mind you he did not want anything.  He was just overloaded.

Once in the car, in the quiet, it all stopped.  I was crying.  He was crying.  Then we took some breaths and tried to sort out the situation.  I calmly told him he would have a time out and the new boomer rang would be taken for 3 days. 

We started home and my beautiful, calm little boy said "Mommy.  It was not me who acted so bad.  It was bad Espen.  He locks good Espen in a box and won't let me out.  Then he just does all the bad stuff while I can't stop him.  I want out of the box momma but he locks it.  It is dark and I don't like the dark.".  WHAT THE HECK???

I pulled the car over to give him my full attention.  Never had he mentioned anything of the sort.  My mind raced around to all the movies and Netflix shows he watches ~ nothing even similar.  He is super creative and this could come from some creative place in him.  So I asked a few strange questions of my own then concluded with "well baby, it doesn't matter which one of you was behaving that way, both of you will have to sit in time out and no one will get the boomer rang back for a few days.".   There were no tears.  He just wanted to hold hands.  A soothing mechanism we have mastered over the last 3 years.  When the pressure gets to us, we hold hands. 

So for the last few days, this odd comment about the box has been bothering me.  I have not brought it up.  I have not asked about it.  I have not taken him shopping.  I have not pushed the limit of stimulation.  I have let him guide our afternoons and he has been at home.  In our little quiet controlled space.  He has been happy.  He has been helpful.  He has been calm. 

I am still bothered but wonder if my son was just being super creative to get the boomer rang back.  But it has been the weirdest thing my 4 year old has ever said to me....