dark little box

Sometimes I am just so engrossed in the moment that the shocking things don't really shock me.  Until later. 

After a successful shopping excursion to Bass Pro I pushed our limit and went straight to Cabella's.  The good behavior lasted and I was able to finish some holiday shopping.  When we were in the car he TOLD ME he was ready to go home.  He recognized that he was done and told me.  What happened next is no surprise. 

I needed to stop one more place.  I had one quick prescription to pick up from Target.  In and out.  FAST.  I had forgotten that Target has started to be a "no fly zone" for Espen and he is bothered by the intercom & lights & shoppers.  As we entered the door, he started reciting LLAMA LLAMA HOLIDAY DRAMA.  He knows the book.  I was not listening. 

That quick pick up turned into a nightmare.  He kicked his boots off.  He screamed at people, at me.  He nearly kicked another lady.  He laughed like a mad man.  He warned me that he was going to call the police on me.  He was crazier then I have seen him.  I was struggling to pay and get the hell out of there. I had to carry a screaming, thrashing 45 pound child out to the car.  Mind you he did not want anything.  He was just overloaded.

Once in the car, in the quiet, it all stopped.  I was crying.  He was crying.  Then we took some breaths and tried to sort out the situation.  I calmly told him he would have a time out and the new boomer rang would be taken for 3 days. 

We started home and my beautiful, calm little boy said "Mommy.  It was not me who acted so bad.  It was bad Espen.  He locks good Espen in a box and won't let me out.  Then he just does all the bad stuff while I can't stop him.  I want out of the box momma but he locks it.  It is dark and I don't like the dark.".  WHAT THE HECK???

I pulled the car over to give him my full attention.  Never had he mentioned anything of the sort.  My mind raced around to all the movies and Netflix shows he watches ~ nothing even similar.  He is super creative and this could come from some creative place in him.  So I asked a few strange questions of my own then concluded with "well baby, it doesn't matter which one of you was behaving that way, both of you will have to sit in time out and no one will get the boomer rang back for a few days.".   There were no tears.  He just wanted to hold hands.  A soothing mechanism we have mastered over the last 3 years.  When the pressure gets to us, we hold hands. 

So for the last few days, this odd comment about the box has been bothering me.  I have not brought it up.  I have not asked about it.  I have not taken him shopping.  I have not pushed the limit of stimulation.  I have let him guide our afternoons and he has been at home.  In our little quiet controlled space.  He has been happy.  He has been helpful.  He has been calm. 

I am still bothered but wonder if my son was just being super creative to get the boomer rang back.  But it has been the weirdest thing my 4 year old has ever said to me.... 

long winter....sensory fun...

Winter... IT IS HERE!  Anyone who has read my blog before knows that Espen & I are summer people!  But how quickly we leave the barefoot pool days behind and layer up in our snow suits and mittens. 

For my sensory seeking son, winter months trapped indoors scare me.  It is when he tends to be more "wild" and exert less energy.  It is when, naturally, we all watch more tv, play more games and bundle up with sugary drinks. 

Winter however can be a wonderland of fantastic things for him.  I just have to be a willing participant!  The snow... oh the snow... He has helped shovel, dig and been to the sled hill as often as we will take him.  He eagerly drags his snow board or sled up after a fast ride down.  He crashes and rolls in the cold wet stuff.  He lets the cold snow touch his face and when I let him, his feet and hands. 

We bake more.  I let him help measure, pour, stir, knead and touch it all.  He smells and tastes all the ingredients.  I think blindfolded he could identify them.  His little brain and body have to work together to bake things and we have to practice one step at a time.  He struggles but we keep on doing it.  And sometimes we have GIANT accidents... we break a dozen eggs all over the floor and then slip in them.  We turn on the mixer super fast sending a flour cloud all over us.  We clean more then necessary but we end up with some tasty treats. 

We ice skate more.  It used to bother me that my son could skate out to the middle of the rink, lay down and lick the ice.  I just don't worry anymore.  The fact is that he skated out there.  So we go skate.  We go on hot days and cold days. We have our own skates and helmet.  We often are alone on the ice and can hear the swoosh of our skates on the ice, we fall and crash into the boards.  He plays with his hockey stick & puck and exerts pressure on them to make that puck glide across the ice.  He pretends he scores the winning goal and has a victory dance.

We read.  We play with flashlights.  We walk on the crunchy ice.  We build forts.  We jump on the couch cushions.  We cut up things.  We play tag.  We build lego forts.  We take long baths or showers.  We dump out every single matchbox car and line them up. 

We find our winter groove and yet when we pass by a mound of road sand, he wishes out loud it was the beach and he could put his bare feet in it.  And so do I....

Sleep

All I can say is what the heck.  After 4+ years I can write a book on how to get a child to sleep ~ or what will never work!  I have read more books on the topic then I can mention.  I talk to our pediatrician.  We have given him melatonin.  We get so much fresh air!  I am a parent expert on sleeping attempts.  And still we struggle! 

We have had months and months of not sleeping through the night.  I started to bribe him with dollar bills.  He is motivated by money (who isn't?).  I didn't have to worry about giving him much because he still crawled in bed next to me at night.  Then it started to work.  He saved up $10 and I took him to Target to spend his money.  He learned quickly that mommy would tell him no on the toys he didn't have enough money for.  So he started saving again.  This time with a goal of that toy he thought he wanted.  We drew a picture of the toy, the price and posted it on the fridge where he has a money clip.  He saved $30 and we went and bought the thing he had been saving for.  Currently, he is sleeping most nights in his bed because he is super motivated by the dollar.  He is also saving for something cool that cost $45.  His money for sleeping in the bed is never taken away.  Not when he breaks something, not when he is naughty.  He earns it for something important!  Allowing us all a good night sleep is worth rewarding! 

There are issues (of course there are!).  The last two nights he has called me in the middle of the night and wanted me to sleep with him.  We can't figure out if he is cold, afraid or just lonely for mommy. We thought he was sleeping with us for the physical weight of bodies next to him.  We think that is why he wants someone in his bed.  He has a weighted bear so when he calls I put that right next to him.  Last night I slept with him for about 20 minutes then went back to bed and he stayed put. 

He has started waking up really early ~ between 5-6am is just to early to be awake.  And once awake he is not going to go back to sleep.  We are struggling with keeping him in the bed, keeping him asleep and helping him to understand that he can sleep alone all night. 

While I may have tons of knowledge about how it 'should' work, keeping my little boy in the bed and asleep is a challenge.  Each night we just try.  If I find the magic answer I will be happy to share it... until then I will just share our success & attempts!