Tactile Sensory Play

At our house Tactile Sensory Play is a part of daily activity.  It ranges from playing in the dishwater with little cups to play dough to whip cream on the floor to painting the driveway to "cooking" something.  It has to be something that can be touched, smelled and tasted.  It is all going to go in the mouth, on the body and the mess will be glorious.  We play it with each other (or anyone who wants to be messy). 

The ability to process tactile sensations effectively is very important, not only for visual discrimination, motor planning, and body awareness, but also for academic learning, emotional security, and social skills (from one of our favorite books THE OUT-OF-SYNC CHILD HAS FUN, Carol Kranowitz, MA).   

For Espen the benefits are great.  He can feel different textures.  Taste them if he needs to.  Smell them for certain (his sense of smell is one he trusts the most).  See how things splat or fly if he whacks them to hard or sits it down to heavy.  He can pour and measure, push and pull, move or be still with tactile sensations.  We most typically do it with a quiet house so that there are no other distractions. 

There are clearly levels of mess.  And not every day can be a huge disaster.  Today was a mess we have never done before.  I got the idea yesterday when we were baking.  I try to keep us focused on the task at hand.  That itself is very challenging so when baking we stick with it.  He wanted to play in the ingredients.  I made that happen today.  For the low cost of $2 I had a bag of flour and a box of pudding.  After explaining that the 4x4 space that is my kitchen was the limit he was allowed to open and dump them on the floor. 

I can assure you that flour cleans up fairly easily.  It is when water is added that it becomes a bigger mess then even I had anticipated.  But on with the show I say!  So my investment allowed my son to explore the whole mess in any way he needed or wanted.  He kept it within the boundaries (the one handful he tossed at me was so I would play with him).  He helped clean it up as best as he could.  It was a mess I'll be cleaning up for a few days!  But worth it.... he was relatively calm, relaxed, curious and happy.  The inner neat freak in me was having a really hard time but she quieted down and just let him be.... that inner neat freak usually gets pushed down because it is impossible to keep it clean here! 

The hardest part of the whole mess is getting the gunk out of his hair... after a long shower and several scrubbings and a long bath and several more, he still has flour paste in his curls.  I fear the only way to get it all out is a hair cut.  But I will try tomorrow once again and he has a swim lesson so we shall see!  

I will most definitely do this activity again... he enjoyed it and I had fun too... I'd perhaps do it outside on a warm day or in the kitchen again but without any water.  And I'd try adding several boxes of jell-o in a cook color.  Or use sugar instead of flour. 

Medication ... this is the world we live in

I have taken Espen to all regular pediatrician visits.  He is within "normal" ranges for growth and behavior.  When I began to really insist on some help because I was exhausted I was referred to a behavioral health specialist.  After half an hour it was suggested Espen be medicated.  I declined and kept looking.  I fell upon a stick figure drawing and I googled and read and asked a lot of questions.  Espen was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and we started occupational therapy two times a week.  We will go for a really long time.  It is not something that will go away after some visits.  This is his life.  It will get better and manageable but it will always be his life. 

To cover all my bases I took Espen to a holistic family doctor.  One I go to.  The first appointment went well and it was recommended I give him a pretty heavy regime of vitamins.  Which I have done.  I have mostly removed sugar and artificial colors.  Today we had our second visit with this doctor.  I felt as if I were teaching him about SPD.  And to my horror he recommends and will kindly refer me to a child psychiatrist for medication.  WHAT??  It is his recommendation that since Espen is having some behavioral issues at school these issues will impact his desire to learn and create a bad cycle of despair and inability to cope creating more behavioral issues.  In that case he believes medication is the best answer.  He did not hear me say that at home and therapy and the pool and the ice Espen is fantastic... we only have issues at school... He didn't hear me say we were exploring alternative school options.  He is only 4 and I stay at home.  We are having an assessment done with the public school system to see if he will qualify for the special education preschool (unlikely he will meet enough criteria).  I guess he was not listening to me today.  So I will politely decline the referral and the medication at this time. 

Is this the kind of world we live in?  One in which we are so quick to medicate our children.  One in which the answer is in a container and these will solve all the issues our children face.  A pill is not going to help my son with his desire to CRASH into things.  Won't help his need to cover his ears when a toilet flushes.  Won't eliminate his stress over having people see him.  Won't help him understand his body awareness to go to the bathroom in the toilet before his pants are wet.  A pill won't help him hold a fork or a pencil.  At best we may get him to sit still. 

I am happy my child is the way he is.  He is charming and cute.  His vocabulary is amazing.  He is curious and smart.  He sees and hears things I only wish I paid attention to.  Our lives are fuller and richer and WILDER because of this little boy.  I have not exhausted all my options yet and I feel like we are on the track for success.  Medication for my 3 year old is not the answer...

Meal TIME

As any parent can attest to.... meal times are challenging with a small person.  They only will eat one thing.  The mess.  The constant reminders to use manners and forks!  The "I don't like this" and the "more of this".  With a kid who has some sensory issues it is an even bigger deal. 

Meal times are a super challenge in our home.   Espen rarely has time to eat.  He can't stop and sit long enough!  It is a constant battle of wills and wits. 

To help with mealtime drama, we recently purchased a new kitchen table so that butts are on chairs and feet are on floor - a step stool in Espen's case.  He needed help feeling GROUNDED and the high table was not helping him feel it. (Someday I will bring my beloved table back to life!).  With the help of the OT we have a schedule.  They created little pictures to help him understand the events of his day.  Eating is one of his pictures.  I am not above bribes and so there is generally some "reward" - tv time, ipad time, special snack, running outside with no shoes or clothes on... the rewards are pretty odd sometimes. 

He doesn't have the sensation of hungry.  He has never said "Mommy I am hungry".  He knows the words and has recently been playing the I AM STARVING game.  The game is set to an annoying crying sound and he says I AM STARVING FOR COOKIE DOUGH or CHOCOLATE or WARM MILK repeatedly until my nerves crash and I just give in.  Is he starving - NO.  We have to remember and monitor when he last ate.  If we have a transition between mommy & daddy & Hannah we are good about saying he ate.  He of course behaves more wildly when he is hungry and his rollercoaster of emotions is faster when he is hungry. 

He has never demanded a favorite food.  The gag reflex is beginning to be developed and you can see him gag some foods down.  His sense of smell is one he trusts.  If it smells badly to him he will under no circumstances eat it.  I know the foods that he won't tolerate the smell of.  Texture, shape and consistency are all factors in what and when he will eat.  Today he  may like hotdogs but tomorrow they are all wrong. 

His fine motor skills are not functioning as he would like and it is very difficult for him to eat with a fork.  I like to pretend to feed him healthy foods and not just easy finger foods so I 'demand' he use utensils.  Some days it is just so hard to do that and he will choose not to eat and race off.  So I have patience and allow fingers more than most moms.  And I have to accept the mess - on him, the table, the floor.  He has been reminded so many times that he uses a napkin very politely.  What else is there if he just can't maneuver a fork or spoon to his face?  He wants the independence of feeding himself!

He has no sense for knowing how much is in his mouth.  He crams handful after handful of food into his mouth.  We often remind him to chew and swallow.  He will just keep packing food in as fast as possible so we remind him to try to feel each piece he puts in his mouth and chew it before he puts another.  It is not about eating but feeling the food.  And sometimes we forget and it all comes out in our napkins. 

I dream of a day I just get my son to sit down at the table for more than 5 seconds and he can confidently use a fork and spoon!  I try and I try!  I love the times I don't have to eat my own food at warp speed.  I also love when I get to actually eat hot food.  Because even if I can get him to sit it is for a short period and then he is off racing again.  And when he disappears it is quickly important to see what he is doing because it can get pretty bad pretty quickly. 

It took some time and understanding before I realized we are not bad parents if our child can not sit at the table for 20 minutes and eat a meal without a giant mess.  I am not a bad mom.  My child has some issues beyond our control and we can start to learn about them and understand those issues.  And we can make adjustments in how we have meals.  Sensory processing disorder impacts even the simple tasks.  It makes Espen who he is and I am thankful for him.  I am thankful for the weird meals I share with him.  I am thankful when I can put on my sweatpants and eat breakfast on the floor. I am thankful when we eat macaroni in the bathtub (IT'S OK TO BE DIFFERENT by Todd Par) I am thankful when we spend more time lining up and smashing the peas than eating them.  Because I am thankful I have the patience and ability to understand how the disorder impacts my child and family. 

Sensational Meltdown

Last week, on a blistery cold day, after visiting the dentist Espen asked to go to the "jumpy place".  It is a giant trampoline place.  We have been there a dozen times.  Both alone and with people.  It is awesome fun!  And on such a cold day, it seemed like an inexpensive way to physically pass an hour! 

We arrived & I paid.  We got the wrist bands on and I put on the special shoes and took his shoes off.  We went to the bathroom and were ready to go.  And Espen had the most glorious meltdown I have ever seen.  He started crying about not wanting to jump.  Then stood in front of me and demanded I pick him up.  Once I had him he clung to me.  He was shaking and crying.  He kept telling me he did not want to jump and that he wanted to go home.  We never made it into the trampoline.  We never made it to the stairs. 

My first instinct was to force him to jump.  I had paid for it and he had wanted to go and gosh darn we were going to do it.  But I took a deep breathe and realized my sensory kid may be trying to tell me something.  He may not have the vocabulary to tell me all that is bothering him but clearly something was not working for him.  So I held him.  I was calm.  I was reassuring.  I told him we could leave.  He cried and clung to me while I changed shoes & put his back on.  As I was putting his coat on he calmed down.  I was able to speak to a manager and was refunded the money.  We were there for a total of 10 minutes. 

As we walked into the cold day his little body relaxed and he was holding my hand, happily talking about what we could do at home.  I didn't ask any more questions about it.  He was not able to process something at the "jumpy place" that day and I had to let go of my instinct to force him into situations. 

Two days later he asked to go back.  Unfortunately it was not a day I could try.  But next time he asks, we will try again. 

There are times as Espen's mom that I think I should force him to do x, y & z... because I can see the end result or past the initial fear.  I have forced him to stay at places when he was freaking out.  I have made efforts and attempts to keep him engaged in things that were hard and he was ready to leave.  Isn't it what all mom's do!  And yet I have been reminding myself lately that these things I think are important or easy or "going to be fun" may not be for Espen.  He may find the sensations to be to much.  He may be overwhelmed and overstimulated.  It may be painfully loud or bright.  There may suddenly be a smell he can't tolerate or a feeling he can't get past.  And when I force him, maybe I make it worse. 

The "jumpy place" is but one example.  Knowing full well that we have been there and he has LOVED it I was ready to force him.  And he may have jumped.  He may have just cried.  I will never know.  But I do know that I did not put any undue stress on him when his meltdown was so sensational!  I listened as best I could to him and removed him from what triggered such a response. 

This sensory processing is not an easy thing to understand.......