Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Who doesn't want to go to Target?
Espen LOVES to go to Target.... frankly who doesn't? But this went a little far! He obsessed for 3 days about Target. He worried. He woke me at 4 am to ask if Target was open and if we could go. He was certain that Target had a balloon pumper. He had seen one elsewhere and worried that if he didn't have one the world would end! On the 4th day I had enough and I stopped without him and got the pumper. It was 15 minutes of excitement and then he stopped worrying about it and Target! But honestly.... 3 days and a lot of tears... the worst crying spell lasted well over 45 minutes!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Explaining things to a 3 year old
I realize that many of you have children! And have had 3 year olds! My 3 year old has a pretty clever vocabulary. I have always told him exactly what things are and used the proper or correct name for things. It has become apparent that he searches out answers and I am on my vocabulary game for him!
So within the last week I have had to discuss his birth mom and what birth means. He was curiously watching me write a letter and send pictures. He had a million questions about why I was sending his picture someplace. Because we read a lot of books and some are adoption focused children's books, he is familiar with the words. So I said I was sending the pictures to his birth mother and that she wanted to see his beautiful face! He wanted to know about birth and what that meant. As I was explaining it he stopped and said well you are my mom, are you mailing them to yourself? And I cracked up!
Espen knows the correct name for his body parts. He frequently showers with me. Less frequently with daddy or Anders but he has. And he apparently has noticed a difference. As he was taking a bath he pestered me about if mommy had a penis and where I put it. After trying not to laugh because that hurts his feelings, I just kept telling his insistent questions that I did not have one and that girls are made differently than boys. He was sure I was not telling the truth. Finally I said "boys have a penis and girls are made with a vagina". He cracked up and repeated that over and over. When daddy got home he was greeted with "hey, did you know girls have vaginas?". He has never mentioned it again nor repeated it.
My 3 year old questions everything. His thirst for information is never quenched. He must ask thousands of questions a day. My brain sometimes just can't keep up and I stop to think of an answer and he keeps grilling me for details. I frequently remind him to ask me one time and let me gather my brain together. He starts some "conversations" off with "mommy is your brain ready"? OK GO!
I have had to explain where eggs come from, why we don't put things in our noses or behinds, how does that work?, why is the man on the street with a sign?, are monsters real?, and a variety of other fun topics! It is exciting and draining all at the same time!
If you ever meet my son and he asks something bizarre... you can give him the real answer as you understand it. He is ready for the information. He will ignore what he is not ready for!
So within the last week I have had to discuss his birth mom and what birth means. He was curiously watching me write a letter and send pictures. He had a million questions about why I was sending his picture someplace. Because we read a lot of books and some are adoption focused children's books, he is familiar with the words. So I said I was sending the pictures to his birth mother and that she wanted to see his beautiful face! He wanted to know about birth and what that meant. As I was explaining it he stopped and said well you are my mom, are you mailing them to yourself? And I cracked up!
Espen knows the correct name for his body parts. He frequently showers with me. Less frequently with daddy or Anders but he has. And he apparently has noticed a difference. As he was taking a bath he pestered me about if mommy had a penis and where I put it. After trying not to laugh because that hurts his feelings, I just kept telling his insistent questions that I did not have one and that girls are made differently than boys. He was sure I was not telling the truth. Finally I said "boys have a penis and girls are made with a vagina". He cracked up and repeated that over and over. When daddy got home he was greeted with "hey, did you know girls have vaginas?". He has never mentioned it again nor repeated it. My 3 year old questions everything. His thirst for information is never quenched. He must ask thousands of questions a day. My brain sometimes just can't keep up and I stop to think of an answer and he keeps grilling me for details. I frequently remind him to ask me one time and let me gather my brain together. He starts some "conversations" off with "mommy is your brain ready"? OK GO!
I have had to explain where eggs come from, why we don't put things in our noses or behinds, how does that work?, why is the man on the street with a sign?, are monsters real?, and a variety of other fun topics! It is exciting and draining all at the same time!
If you ever meet my son and he asks something bizarre... you can give him the real answer as you understand it. He is ready for the information. He will ignore what he is not ready for!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Saying YES
Sometimes I watch my child doing something that is annoying or crazy and I stand there and realize that he gets told YES more than most children. Not yes to "buy me this thing" or "can I have...." but YES to some odd activity. Last week it was a bit of a warm spell for winter in Nebraska. We were not wearing shorts by any means but it was warm enough to go to the park nearly every day. We have a favorite park, the sand park. It has find beach like sand and a merry go round as well as digger toys and slides and swings. The park sits next to a giant section of trails for walking or mountain biking. Or treasure hunting! And right down the little hill are 2 baseball fields. It is a nice area. We go a lot! So it was thawed but still wet and sloppy.
Espen played at the park for a long time. I play with him. We dig in the sand, spin on merry go round and go down slides until I feel like vomiting! This particular day he took off running down the hill toward the baseball fields. We do it often so I know how far he can get and where he is headed! I saw him hesitate not at all before running headlong onto the MUDDY baseball field. There must have been at least an inch of sloppy mud, ice in spots, water in others on the field. And off he went in his Reebok Zig shoes, Columbia coat and school clothes. He looked at me as I approached and happily yelled "Mommy I found some mud, want to play with me?".
My gut response was GET OUT OF THE FREAKING MUD... we are not close by the house, it is cold, I don't want mud all over my car.... my list of reasons to get out were quickly replaced with my verbal response to him "no I'll just watch you and stand right here!"... And for 30 minutes he delighted both of us by running, jumping, rolling and running some more in the mud! He was cold and muddy but so happy when he finally tired of the mud and dashed up the hill to the out house to go potty! Everything he had on was muddy. He had smeared his face. He was a mess. It was 22 degrees outside. But he was delighted!I said YES. To the mud mess that day and for the next 3 days both at the park and at home. My sweet babysitter had to clean up mud one day. I've washed clothes and coats and shoes more days than I have not in the last 7 days. I said YES to this little boy and his odd drive to feel the mud, the cold, the wet. Did I want to clean up the mess - oh heck no. But was it fantastic to stand at the edge of that baseball field and watch Espen tear it up! Oh yea! He was awesome to witness!
So my sensory child craves "strange" sensations... I say YES more than most. I am a stay at home mom for this very reason. So that I can see his face and say YES to the craziest things. We play in cool whip on the kitchen floor, dry pasta in the shower, mud all year long. He is allowed to finger-paint his body. He chalks his clothes and his skin. I let him run outside with no shoes on in the dead of winter so he can feel the hard frozen ground with his feet. We get a water gun full of warm water and squirt the frozen fence. We bring snow inside and wear our rain coats outside in a storm. We puddle stomp in most puddles. We eat pudding with a straw and smash blueberries with our toes. We rarely have on clean clothes (not from lack of trying)! He is told yes to the strange and wonderful experiences that most of us will naturally shy away from. We do it because it feels good! We do it now because it helps my son. I say YES... because the joy is worth it! 
Does it make it harder when I say no... perhaps. There are days when we just can not get in the mud. When I am either in no mood or we have a plan to be elsewhere. There are days when a mess is just not in my picture perfect world. And when the answer is NO, there better be a good reason for him.
My son is not unique in his desire to explore the world around him in a total way. We just go about it to the biggest and best of our abilities! I say YES! Children need that and I am glad I can say it!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Sensational Reading
There is a giant amount of relief in having these books and to have some knowledge. The best thing is there is someone out there that has lived through the disorder just like me! And so I have on order some other child friendly books. It helps us be able to have a language to use with Espen. It helps him feel as if he is normal and not weird! And so there is reading to do....
Pediatric Therapy Center
And there is something more to tell....
Our meeting today was reassuring and comfortable. After reviewing the mountain of paperwork we completed we were invited into a gym/play area. The owner of the facility (an occupational therapist) met with us. As we sat and answered a bunch of questions, she allowed Espen to explore on his own. He did what he would normally - go every where at the speed of light. Touching and moving things. Interacting and talking to people all over in other sessions. Then she took him in a little room and they colored and cut and she tested his fine motor ability. Then she talked with us.
Espen has a sensory perception(or integration) disorder. Think of it as a giant issue if you will. All of the senses (touch, movement, sight, sound, taste, body awareness, pull of gravity) are not interpreted or processed by the brain. The result then in Espen's case is being over responsive to input (high pain threshold, unusually high activity level, extreme difficulty with fine motor tasks such as coloring and eating, self-regulation issues like not able to calm down very easily and social problems). So while there is always speculation that he is "normal" and that I am overacting or that I need to spank more or punish more -it is not the case. For him spanking is a joke because it doesn't hurt. And his extreme activity level is a response to stimuli.
If normal is a bell shape, Espen scored 2 steps outside of the bell on being overly responsive to stimulation. His senses are getting worked overtime and he has not yet determined a way to cope with it all. We have recently seen lots of acting out, angry outbursts, crying tantrums. He has complained that school is to loud and he wants to escape. I can not take him to the grocery store or mall or any store because the lights, sounds and smells drive him crazy. He has a very difficult time playing with any other children because he has a real hard time recognizing his strength or where his body is flying and he hurts them. It is a sad thing to know when he is in the playground with others, if they cry it is because of Espen. It is hard to explain to a happy friendly little boy why some parents have not wanted him to play with their children. His fine motor ability is fairly low. He can cut and color but not with any great ability or agility. And the tasks are so taxing on him that he gets very mad and acts out very quickly.
She explained it in a good way for us.... if you are driving in a snowstorm with the radio on and the kids start talking or screaming what do you do first? Turn down the radio? We naturally start to limit the stressors. Espen is getting all the stressors and stimuli all the time and can't process it or turn any of it off. Walking and feeling the air and seeing the sights is not enough for him. He walks, then runs faster & faster so he can feel all the wind and then throws himself to the ground so that he smashes into it because THAT feels AWESOME to him. More is better when you don't get the connections in your brain. So wow... that is good to know... where do we go?
We have scheduled therapy sessions. Three a week for now. It will drop down to 2 a week at the first of the year and then space out as he starts to understand and as we start to be able to help him. It is occupational therapy. He thinks it is a giant play place. The therapist will have activities that challenge his ability to respond in an organized way. And teach him the awareness of appropriate responses. It is a neat system. We have "homework" and a sensory practice at home too. We have to get a routine developed that includes time every couple hours for activities that help readjust his brain so that he can function in "normal" parameters. It might take a few weeks for us to figure it out and start to really learn what helps & what doesn't.
For him it will be play. Hopefully for us it will mean a child who can sit for a couple minutes quietly. Who we can play puzzle, games and color with. Who won't do risky things like climb on the deck railing or the top of the slide at the playground. Maybe we can teach him about stranger danger and not running in the street. Maybe he can play with little people and not hurt them. Maybe I can go to the bathroom without worrying about what he can get into or out of while I do it.
Even if you think it is a bunch of bull, we need to try. I can't go on the way we are. I feel like I scream at him all the time and that we are on a road to destruction and failure at school. I feel like if we don't do something, even as vigilant as I am, he is going to be hurt, burned or poisoned. It is only a matter of time. And I want it to be better.
Thankfully our insurance covers 50 visits a year. That is why we are getting so many in before the end of the year. We start the 50 again in January. We have a co-pay of $25 a session. So while $75 a week is maybe not much, it will be a stretch sometimes.
The good news is that we have been doing some things really great! In his case, gross motor development and exertion are a very calming thing. And the water. The stimuli of the world is not heard under water. If you have ever seen him in the pool or bath you recognize he can be under for an extraordinary time! It is quiet there! So we will continue with swim lessons. And I think skating lessons we will continue as long as I can earn that bit of scratch at Deitze. Because we recognize the importance already of those activities.
So I tried to think of all your questions. I am sure I forgot some. Ask away. It was finally nice to not be judged as a bad parent. It was finally great that someone heard our concerns and made us feel heard. It was nice that they accepted Espen and his behavior as his normal and want to not take that away but help him fit into the greater world. These people didn't want to medicate my baby but want to help make him feel connected to himself!
That is where we are at now... and we start on Monday... three sessions next week. We are going to work with the teacher at preschool and see what happens from now until December 20. Then we will make the decision about preschool It will be a busy week of learning and trying. And our regular schedule. And I am already exhausted!
If you want to read more... sensory processing.
Our meeting today was reassuring and comfortable. After reviewing the mountain of paperwork we completed we were invited into a gym/play area. The owner of the facility (an occupational therapist) met with us. As we sat and answered a bunch of questions, she allowed Espen to explore on his own. He did what he would normally - go every where at the speed of light. Touching and moving things. Interacting and talking to people all over in other sessions. Then she took him in a little room and they colored and cut and she tested his fine motor ability. Then she talked with us.
Espen has a sensory perception(or integration) disorder. Think of it as a giant issue if you will. All of the senses (touch, movement, sight, sound, taste, body awareness, pull of gravity) are not interpreted or processed by the brain. The result then in Espen's case is being over responsive to input (high pain threshold, unusually high activity level, extreme difficulty with fine motor tasks such as coloring and eating, self-regulation issues like not able to calm down very easily and social problems). So while there is always speculation that he is "normal" and that I am overacting or that I need to spank more or punish more -it is not the case. For him spanking is a joke because it doesn't hurt. And his extreme activity level is a response to stimuli.
If normal is a bell shape, Espen scored 2 steps outside of the bell on being overly responsive to stimulation. His senses are getting worked overtime and he has not yet determined a way to cope with it all. We have recently seen lots of acting out, angry outbursts, crying tantrums. He has complained that school is to loud and he wants to escape. I can not take him to the grocery store or mall or any store because the lights, sounds and smells drive him crazy. He has a very difficult time playing with any other children because he has a real hard time recognizing his strength or where his body is flying and he hurts them. It is a sad thing to know when he is in the playground with others, if they cry it is because of Espen. It is hard to explain to a happy friendly little boy why some parents have not wanted him to play with their children. His fine motor ability is fairly low. He can cut and color but not with any great ability or agility. And the tasks are so taxing on him that he gets very mad and acts out very quickly.
She explained it in a good way for us.... if you are driving in a snowstorm with the radio on and the kids start talking or screaming what do you do first? Turn down the radio? We naturally start to limit the stressors. Espen is getting all the stressors and stimuli all the time and can't process it or turn any of it off. Walking and feeling the air and seeing the sights is not enough for him. He walks, then runs faster & faster so he can feel all the wind and then throws himself to the ground so that he smashes into it because THAT feels AWESOME to him. More is better when you don't get the connections in your brain. So wow... that is good to know... where do we go?
We have scheduled therapy sessions. Three a week for now. It will drop down to 2 a week at the first of the year and then space out as he starts to understand and as we start to be able to help him. It is occupational therapy. He thinks it is a giant play place. The therapist will have activities that challenge his ability to respond in an organized way. And teach him the awareness of appropriate responses. It is a neat system. We have "homework" and a sensory practice at home too. We have to get a routine developed that includes time every couple hours for activities that help readjust his brain so that he can function in "normal" parameters. It might take a few weeks for us to figure it out and start to really learn what helps & what doesn't.
For him it will be play. Hopefully for us it will mean a child who can sit for a couple minutes quietly. Who we can play puzzle, games and color with. Who won't do risky things like climb on the deck railing or the top of the slide at the playground. Maybe we can teach him about stranger danger and not running in the street. Maybe he can play with little people and not hurt them. Maybe I can go to the bathroom without worrying about what he can get into or out of while I do it.
Even if you think it is a bunch of bull, we need to try. I can't go on the way we are. I feel like I scream at him all the time and that we are on a road to destruction and failure at school. I feel like if we don't do something, even as vigilant as I am, he is going to be hurt, burned or poisoned. It is only a matter of time. And I want it to be better.
Thankfully our insurance covers 50 visits a year. That is why we are getting so many in before the end of the year. We start the 50 again in January. We have a co-pay of $25 a session. So while $75 a week is maybe not much, it will be a stretch sometimes.
The good news is that we have been doing some things really great! In his case, gross motor development and exertion are a very calming thing. And the water. The stimuli of the world is not heard under water. If you have ever seen him in the pool or bath you recognize he can be under for an extraordinary time! It is quiet there! So we will continue with swim lessons. And I think skating lessons we will continue as long as I can earn that bit of scratch at Deitze. Because we recognize the importance already of those activities.
So I tried to think of all your questions. I am sure I forgot some. Ask away. It was finally nice to not be judged as a bad parent. It was finally great that someone heard our concerns and made us feel heard. It was nice that they accepted Espen and his behavior as his normal and want to not take that away but help him fit into the greater world. These people didn't want to medicate my baby but want to help make him feel connected to himself!
That is where we are at now... and we start on Monday... three sessions next week. We are going to work with the teacher at preschool and see what happens from now until December 20. Then we will make the decision about preschool It will be a busy week of learning and trying. And our regular schedule. And I am already exhausted!
If you want to read more... sensory processing.
What Sensory Processing Looks Like in our home
With a recent diagnosis and 2 weeks of occupational therapy behind us we are getting smarter. I read a lot. I have 3 books and I'm learning on a crash course. I search the web for information and similar stories. It is hard for people to understand what this diagnosis is and how it impacts our family. Espen LOOKS like a regular little boy. I shelter the information and drama from the world about what happens in our home (and sometimes outside of it) because who wants to know?! In public we look like a regular mom and dad with a WILD little boy who needs some good strong discipline. Believe me if it were that easy, I'd be swatting his behind more often!
So what does our house honestly look like? Espen is a generally happy 3 year old who loves to play outside especially if it is warm (jumping on trampoline, riding ATV or bike, rollerblading, digging in the sand or playing in the water). He loves to play but after a few minutes he is so wild that he runs-runs faster and faster from one activity to the next. He seems as if he just can not stop. He is much like the Tasmanian Devil - just swirling around barely stopping to get a breath.
I am the mom who has lost her son in a snow storm, in a hotel, in a store. I am the one with poison control hotline in her phone and we call often for help and information on what has been consumed. I am the one who wears dirty clothes much of the time because my delightful little boy is a mess. I am dehydrated a lot because in order to go to bathroom I have to lock him in with me or be prepared to see what he can get into in a short time frame. Espen doesn't "hear" a lot of my voice so I feel like I yell most of the time. He has fine motor issues and has hard time feeding himself. He is not yet completely toilet trained and sometimes he pees on my furniture because he will not wear pull-ups anymore. Shopping is nearly a nightmare because he has a drive more than most to touch everything and smell most things. I can't even begin to recount the number of gross and disgusting things he has consumed. He talks non-stop. And I mean non-stop... questions and chatter all the time. One second I am discussing God and the next I am discussing where the water goes when you flush the toilet. His mind is curious and his body is consumed by movement.
And now I read. I consume all the information the therapists tell me and show me. To understand more, one needs to understand the eight senses and what their purpose is. The five that everyone is aware of are:
Auditory Sense – your ability to hear sounds and ‘tune in’ to a particular person in a crowded room or hearing instructions to complete a particular task.
Gustatory Sense – your sense of taste and helps you recognize flavours and textures.
Olfactory Sense – your sense of what things smell like, from homemade apple pie to soaps and skunks.
Tactile Sense – your sense of touch that relays information to your brain. Recognizes things like vibration, tapping, heat, cold or pain.
Visual Sense – your ability to see and process the information around you. It may be picking out a particular object in a group, recognizing faces or expressions and adjusting your eyes to lighting conditions.
The last three are ones that you are probably less familiar with:
Interoceptive Sense – relates to internal regulation and is responsible for knowing things like if you are hungry or need to use the bathroom.
Proprioceptive Sense – it is in our joints, muscles and body parts. It tells us about our movement and body position. Close your eyes and raise your hand in the air. You know where your hand is even though you are not looking at it because the muscles and joints in your hand and arm are sending information to your brain telling it the position of your hand.
Vestibular Sense – relates to movement and balance. It tells us if we are lying down, jumping, running, etc. As a child did you ever spin yourself in circles? Were you able to walk straight afterwards? Not likely and that’s because your body was receiving impaired vestibular information.
Espen is a child who has an extremely hard time processing information received through some or all of these senses. Imagine the challenges this would create while trying to perform everyday tasks!! For my little boy there are challenges at home and school. On a playground or in a swim class.
And now I am aware and I think about the light, the décor, the movement, the noise levels... If we get someplace and he starts to melt down I notice all that I can so that I can try to figure out what is happening. We know he needs to move those muscles so he pushes and pulls things at home. He carries. He lifts. He "works out". Every couple hours I know I need to stop doing what I am doing and help my child work it so that he can calm himself. My kitchen is becoming the mess zone. My house is a play gym of interesting sensory objects. My child holds up walls to just feel the push of his body against a solid object. He hammers nails into logs so he can concentrate on the fine task or smash his finger but it also helps him feel his joints and muscles. He blows cotton balls down the hallway with a straw. He jumps off his bed onto a pile of blankets. He chews ice and gum like crazy. He likes to have a new fork for each food on his separated plate. He takes at least 2 baths a day. He watches TV or listens to a book often standing on his head. He will continue to swim and skate this winter and mommy will take him to the pool and ice as often as necessary. He doesn't wear clothes with tags. His socks and underwear have to be just so or they don't stay on him. We eat fruit with a great variety of textures and shapes and smells because he loves that. We crack nuts because that is some challenge and there is a reward. He doesn't feel gravity like I do so falling and crashing are fun. He is never dizzy and can spin for long periods of time while I just get dizzy watching! And my friends I do all of this in ONE DAY as well as the tasks that are necessary to running a house.
So if you see a mom in the store with a child who looks like he or she just needs to be held down and disciplined, have some compassion. This little person may be having some trouble and that mom may need a break!
I may continue to share our sensory journey because now that I know I wish I had known sooner. I wish someone would have seen through my protective covering and told me I could find some answers. I think there are more moms and dads out there who may need some help like I did. And really it makes me feel a little less tired to just put it out there. It makes me think that if people understand what happens in our home then they may have some compassion for someone they see on the street. And because I just want someone to listen.... Our journey has been like a roller coaster with an unbuckled seat belt.... and now the belt is buckled but we are still on the ride!!
So what does our house honestly look like? Espen is a generally happy 3 year old who loves to play outside especially if it is warm (jumping on trampoline, riding ATV or bike, rollerblading, digging in the sand or playing in the water). He loves to play but after a few minutes he is so wild that he runs-runs faster and faster from one activity to the next. He seems as if he just can not stop. He is much like the Tasmanian Devil - just swirling around barely stopping to get a breath.
I am the mom who has lost her son in a snow storm, in a hotel, in a store. I am the one with poison control hotline in her phone and we call often for help and information on what has been consumed. I am the one who wears dirty clothes much of the time because my delightful little boy is a mess. I am dehydrated a lot because in order to go to bathroom I have to lock him in with me or be prepared to see what he can get into in a short time frame. Espen doesn't "hear" a lot of my voice so I feel like I yell most of the time. He has fine motor issues and has hard time feeding himself. He is not yet completely toilet trained and sometimes he pees on my furniture because he will not wear pull-ups anymore. Shopping is nearly a nightmare because he has a drive more than most to touch everything and smell most things. I can't even begin to recount the number of gross and disgusting things he has consumed. He talks non-stop. And I mean non-stop... questions and chatter all the time. One second I am discussing God and the next I am discussing where the water goes when you flush the toilet. His mind is curious and his body is consumed by movement.
And now I read. I consume all the information the therapists tell me and show me. To understand more, one needs to understand the eight senses and what their purpose is. The five that everyone is aware of are:
Auditory Sense – your ability to hear sounds and ‘tune in’ to a particular person in a crowded room or hearing instructions to complete a particular task.
Gustatory Sense – your sense of taste and helps you recognize flavours and textures.
Olfactory Sense – your sense of what things smell like, from homemade apple pie to soaps and skunks.
Tactile Sense – your sense of touch that relays information to your brain. Recognizes things like vibration, tapping, heat, cold or pain.
Visual Sense – your ability to see and process the information around you. It may be picking out a particular object in a group, recognizing faces or expressions and adjusting your eyes to lighting conditions.
The last three are ones that you are probably less familiar with:
Interoceptive Sense – relates to internal regulation and is responsible for knowing things like if you are hungry or need to use the bathroom.
Proprioceptive Sense – it is in our joints, muscles and body parts. It tells us about our movement and body position. Close your eyes and raise your hand in the air. You know where your hand is even though you are not looking at it because the muscles and joints in your hand and arm are sending information to your brain telling it the position of your hand.
Vestibular Sense – relates to movement and balance. It tells us if we are lying down, jumping, running, etc. As a child did you ever spin yourself in circles? Were you able to walk straight afterwards? Not likely and that’s because your body was receiving impaired vestibular information.
Espen is a child who has an extremely hard time processing information received through some or all of these senses. Imagine the challenges this would create while trying to perform everyday tasks!! For my little boy there are challenges at home and school. On a playground or in a swim class.
And now I am aware and I think about the light, the décor, the movement, the noise levels... If we get someplace and he starts to melt down I notice all that I can so that I can try to figure out what is happening. We know he needs to move those muscles so he pushes and pulls things at home. He carries. He lifts. He "works out". Every couple hours I know I need to stop doing what I am doing and help my child work it so that he can calm himself. My kitchen is becoming the mess zone. My house is a play gym of interesting sensory objects. My child holds up walls to just feel the push of his body against a solid object. He hammers nails into logs so he can concentrate on the fine task or smash his finger but it also helps him feel his joints and muscles. He blows cotton balls down the hallway with a straw. He jumps off his bed onto a pile of blankets. He chews ice and gum like crazy. He likes to have a new fork for each food on his separated plate. He takes at least 2 baths a day. He watches TV or listens to a book often standing on his head. He will continue to swim and skate this winter and mommy will take him to the pool and ice as often as necessary. He doesn't wear clothes with tags. His socks and underwear have to be just so or they don't stay on him. We eat fruit with a great variety of textures and shapes and smells because he loves that. We crack nuts because that is some challenge and there is a reward. He doesn't feel gravity like I do so falling and crashing are fun. He is never dizzy and can spin for long periods of time while I just get dizzy watching! And my friends I do all of this in ONE DAY as well as the tasks that are necessary to running a house.
So if you see a mom in the store with a child who looks like he or she just needs to be held down and disciplined, have some compassion. This little person may be having some trouble and that mom may need a break!
I may continue to share our sensory journey because now that I know I wish I had known sooner. I wish someone would have seen through my protective covering and told me I could find some answers. I think there are more moms and dads out there who may need some help like I did. And really it makes me feel a little less tired to just put it out there. It makes me think that if people understand what happens in our home then they may have some compassion for someone they see on the street. And because I just want someone to listen.... Our journey has been like a roller coaster with an unbuckled seat belt.... and now the belt is buckled but we are still on the ride!!
How we found out we had a Sensory Kid
The last few months have been a real struggle. Espen started pre-school 2 mornings a week (because he REALLY wanted to go). He also started swim lessons 2 times a week instead of just once (because he is good, never complains & it calms him). We are interacting more with children roughly his age. It has become apparent that there is something special about my beautiful little boy.
I have blogged my struggles in the past to be a good mom. I've shared our good days and our bad days. But this I have, until now, kept to myself. I have expressed exhaustion, frustration, stress and anger about some of Espen's quirky behaviors. Repeatedly, by professionals, friends and family I have been told not to worry.... HE IS A NORMAL LITTLE BOY. I tried to go with that with a nagging voice in the back of my mind all the time. It started as a whisper and now it is a scream.... my little guy is far from "normal". But do not misunderstand... for him (and for us) the world we are in is NORMAL.... but it is not mainstream. Our normal day is certainly not your normal day. It is not easy. And I have finally had the courage to ask for some help.
I took Espen to a behavioral health professional last week. The decision to even get there was hard. There were even discussions in our own home as to the validity of my decision and the ramifications. After everyone keeps telling you he is fine, normal, cute, funny... that his quirks and behaviors are perfectly OK... it is hard to accept the notion that your family needs help. And then comes the horrible worry that he is 3 1/2 and you are talking about some decision that could follow him for the rest of his life and what if it is the wrong one. So after lots of prayer and thought and research I called his pediatrician and asked for some help.
From the moment Espen is awake (typically 6:50/7:00am) until the time he goes to bed (we shoot always for 7:45pm, but often he can keep himself awake in his room quietly until after 9:30pm) he is at the highest level of energy. It has become a frantic pace of keep up. Last week I was pulled aside by his teacher and spoken with about his constant movement, inability to sit for periods and annoying touching of the other kids. I witnessed him push a smaller child into the pool and laugh. Our home is a fortress. Once inside there are locks on all the doors at the top, all the windows and on some internal doors. Just to keep my child safely inside or out of harms way. Our frantic pace has hindered fine motor development because he just can not sit still. His pace often makes meals the most challenging time of the day. Most concerning has been the near accidents when he has become suddenly to fast for me and has gotten into the street, parking lots, lost in stores.
It is not just the frantic pace alone that concerns me. My child eats everything. I have called poison control several times. My child does not feel pain like other children. He asked to take a bath last week and he can turn on tub. He had tub going & was naked in it. When I checked the temperature it was so hot I was burned. My son was IN THIS WATER his little body was pink and he was not bothered at all. He puts his hand on the hot stove frequently. He has put face right at the open oven. He has a notion to jump off the deck onto the trampoline to see how high he will bounce. He climbs on top of his swing set and jumps. And where am I you may be wondering....
I am never far. I am not on my phone. I am not watching TV. I am most typically right there when these things happen. It is how I can so quickly respond. It is how he has not gotten injured. I am keeping up with him. And I am disciplining him. I use time out excessively. I have spanked (does no good because his pain tolerance is giant). I have taken things away. I have yelled. I have held. I literally have tried everything to slow him down, get his attention and keep him safe. I have removed all processed foods and artificial colors from his diet. Sugar has nearly been removed from his diet as well. It has made some difference but not enough.
There are some that will say that his pace is determined by my pace & personality. Yes while it is true that I am a fast paced, highly creative GO GO type person. I have learned to slow it down. This speed my son has is not just from mommy. He certainly gets his thirst for adventure and his desire to see things from me but he has an internal mechanism that speeds him up. This is not a case of bad parenting. (Although the counselor certainly made me feel like I was up for most horrible mom of the year). We are consistent. We have rules. We stick with them. My son gets ONE chance to mess up and then there are swift and immediate consequences. I have left stores, restaurants, playgrounds to the surprise and sometimes relief of other families. It is never easy. I cry a lot. And I love my son.
The voice just got louder and louder. I had to ask for help. So we met with a counselor for an hour. I had homework to complete a long ADD/ADHD screening form. I was asked to have his teacher do a small form. There is not a chance in hell that I will let an hour appointment and some handful of paper determine that my child has ADD/ADHD. He is 3. I had my own paper for the doctor to look at. I have read a lot of literature about ADD/ADHD and I don't think that is our issue. I stumbled on something called Sensory Processing Disorder.... I have read, watched videos and researched. I cried with delight that there was hope... and that there may be answers and ways to help my son slow down and be safe.
Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD, previously referred to as "sensory integration dysfunction") is a condition in which a person has difficulty processing and acting upon the information they receive through their senses. This creates difficulty with many everyday tasks.
This week I will call my doctor. I will insist on a blood panel to determine if he is balanced chemically. I will talk again to the behavioral health professional. And I have the numbers of some occupational therapists to see if I can get a screening for my son.
I will keep on. There is no way we can continue to go like this. I am a frustrated stressed out mess. My son is super smart and cute and funny and amazing and vocal and brilliant and strong. But he is exhibiting more dangerous behaviors. I can not be on top of him all day and we have to learn together how to be safe and live inside some rules. We can not live inside the bubble of safety that is our home. We have to venture out into the world and understand how those loud big noisy places make him feel, how to teach him to sit in school without touching everyone, how to keep weird and random things out of his mouth.
Don't feel sorry for us. This is our normal. While I may get to feel jealous that your children walk nicely by your side without running for an exit or can make it through the store without a frantic amount of anxiety or can eat a bowl of colorful cereal for breakfast and not jump off the couch onto the coffee table or not be tempted to put a worm on their tongues just to feel the sensation of it wiggling... you do not get to feel sorry for me. I may be exhausted and frustrated and look like a ragged mess but I am blessed to have this amazing little boy. As hard as the decision was to reach out for help, I know it was the right one. I can't wait until we reach public school and he is outcast, picked on, singled out, diagnosed to help him learn the boundaries of his body and to quiet his mind so that he may focus and be part of your normal! But I do need your support in my quest for help and knowledge and understanding. And when I express my exhaustion through clenched jaw and with tears in my voice, please just have some compassion for what you can only imagine is happening in our lives!
After an hour long meeting in the doctors office, an exam room with a box with a few toys, and a behavioral health professional, we were asked to complete a pile of paperwork. It was an ADD/ADHD screening tool. I was also asked if I would mind the teacher at the school completing one. Wanting to follow the system as it is in place, I took the tool and I had a meeting with the teacher.
The meeting with the teacher was as I expected. She is very kind. Doesn't think it is possible to diagnose someone so young with such an issue. But she advised me of her growing concerns for Espen. He can not do fine motor tasks at school. He doesn't color well or write at all. He can not cut things. He has a very small attention span. He doesn't look people in the eye. He wiggles and kicks and moves and touches everyone. She reported him as a clumsy, unbalanced, under-coordinated little boy. This behavior is pretty distracting (as I can imagine!). He has started hitting the others and has spent some time out. She is trained not to judge children against each other but she reports he is behind the other children. Yes she would complete the screening tool but in her opinion that is not the problem, there is something different.
As you can imagine this meeting was hard for a mom to hear. But I did. As a mom we want to only hear the great and wonderful things about our children. And some of what she told me did not jive with how I know my little boy. Most especially the balance & coordination... none of us have seen that! But I took that information and hoped the tools & the behavioral health professional would help us find some help.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
After a few days of trying to contact this professional I finally reached her (she left a message for me to call her back but no number. I had to contact the office repeatedly in-between clients.). Her "findings" suggest that Espen is border line ADD/ADHD and perhaps has PICA. But she warned me it is hard to so quickly diagnose a 3 year old. She could refer us to a psychiatrist who could medicate him. Beyond that there was not much she could do. I politely declined that route. She said perhaps an occupational therapist would teach him some coping behaviors. However she did not know any to refer me to. She also reminded me to take care of myself so that I don't burn out. Man that was a rich one!!
So I spent some time researching pediatric occupational therapists. I found one near and I visited it. I cried explaining to the receptionist my trials. They can do a full assessment but I need a referral from the doctor. I was on the phone before I walked out. Within 10 minutes I had that referral and an appointment is now scheduled for November 29. We had a giant pile of papers and notes t. o make. I am hopeful we will have some answers to our questions. And if not.... we will have some other places to try. I have also made an appointment with my medical doctor. His office can do a full chemical panel on Espen. On the chance that there is something internal out of chemical balance.... I will cover all the bases for my child. I will fight the fight.
And this week we will decide if we should withdraw him from preschool. Maybe getting some kinks ironed out will make his school experience better. Maybe trying it all at the same time will reinforce the lessons. There is no manual. It is all trial and error. And it is exhausting. But there is no giving up..... he is much to important.
I have blogged my struggles in the past to be a good mom. I've shared our good days and our bad days. But this I have, until now, kept to myself. I have expressed exhaustion, frustration, stress and anger about some of Espen's quirky behaviors. Repeatedly, by professionals, friends and family I have been told not to worry.... HE IS A NORMAL LITTLE BOY. I tried to go with that with a nagging voice in the back of my mind all the time. It started as a whisper and now it is a scream.... my little guy is far from "normal". But do not misunderstand... for him (and for us) the world we are in is NORMAL.... but it is not mainstream. Our normal day is certainly not your normal day. It is not easy. And I have finally had the courage to ask for some help.
I took Espen to a behavioral health professional last week. The decision to even get there was hard. There were even discussions in our own home as to the validity of my decision and the ramifications. After everyone keeps telling you he is fine, normal, cute, funny... that his quirks and behaviors are perfectly OK... it is hard to accept the notion that your family needs help. And then comes the horrible worry that he is 3 1/2 and you are talking about some decision that could follow him for the rest of his life and what if it is the wrong one. So after lots of prayer and thought and research I called his pediatrician and asked for some help.
From the moment Espen is awake (typically 6:50/7:00am) until the time he goes to bed (we shoot always for 7:45pm, but often he can keep himself awake in his room quietly until after 9:30pm) he is at the highest level of energy. It has become a frantic pace of keep up. Last week I was pulled aside by his teacher and spoken with about his constant movement, inability to sit for periods and annoying touching of the other kids. I witnessed him push a smaller child into the pool and laugh. Our home is a fortress. Once inside there are locks on all the doors at the top, all the windows and on some internal doors. Just to keep my child safely inside or out of harms way. Our frantic pace has hindered fine motor development because he just can not sit still. His pace often makes meals the most challenging time of the day. Most concerning has been the near accidents when he has become suddenly to fast for me and has gotten into the street, parking lots, lost in stores. It is not just the frantic pace alone that concerns me. My child eats everything. I have called poison control several times. My child does not feel pain like other children. He asked to take a bath last week and he can turn on tub. He had tub going & was naked in it. When I checked the temperature it was so hot I was burned. My son was IN THIS WATER his little body was pink and he was not bothered at all. He puts his hand on the hot stove frequently. He has put face right at the open oven. He has a notion to jump off the deck onto the trampoline to see how high he will bounce. He climbs on top of his swing set and jumps. And where am I you may be wondering....
I am never far. I am not on my phone. I am not watching TV. I am most typically right there when these things happen. It is how I can so quickly respond. It is how he has not gotten injured. I am keeping up with him. And I am disciplining him. I use time out excessively. I have spanked (does no good because his pain tolerance is giant). I have taken things away. I have yelled. I have held. I literally have tried everything to slow him down, get his attention and keep him safe. I have removed all processed foods and artificial colors from his diet. Sugar has nearly been removed from his diet as well. It has made some difference but not enough.
There are some that will say that his pace is determined by my pace & personality. Yes while it is true that I am a fast paced, highly creative GO GO type person. I have learned to slow it down. This speed my son has is not just from mommy. He certainly gets his thirst for adventure and his desire to see things from me but he has an internal mechanism that speeds him up. This is not a case of bad parenting. (Although the counselor certainly made me feel like I was up for most horrible mom of the year). We are consistent. We have rules. We stick with them. My son gets ONE chance to mess up and then there are swift and immediate consequences. I have left stores, restaurants, playgrounds to the surprise and sometimes relief of other families. It is never easy. I cry a lot. And I love my son. The voice just got louder and louder. I had to ask for help. So we met with a counselor for an hour. I had homework to complete a long ADD/ADHD screening form. I was asked to have his teacher do a small form. There is not a chance in hell that I will let an hour appointment and some handful of paper determine that my child has ADD/ADHD. He is 3. I had my own paper for the doctor to look at. I have read a lot of literature about ADD/ADHD and I don't think that is our issue. I stumbled on something called Sensory Processing Disorder.... I have read, watched videos and researched. I cried with delight that there was hope... and that there may be answers and ways to help my son slow down and be safe.
Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD, previously referred to as "sensory integration dysfunction") is a condition in which a person has difficulty processing and acting upon the information they receive through their senses. This creates difficulty with many everyday tasks.
Symptoms may include:
- Having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep and wandering the house at night
- Throwing tantrums or zoning out in noisy public places
- Have trouble sitting still, focusing, or transitioning from one task to another
- Exhibiting fearful or aggressive behaviors in certain situations
- Craves tight hugs, banging into things, having people sit on him or pile things on top of him
- Covering their ears or being bothered by sounds that don’t bother others
- Constantly putting objects in the mouth past the toddler years
- May lick, taste, or chew on inedible objects
- Avoids certain textures, may hate wearing clothes
This week I will call my doctor. I will insist on a blood panel to determine if he is balanced chemically. I will talk again to the behavioral health professional. And I have the numbers of some occupational therapists to see if I can get a screening for my son. I will keep on. There is no way we can continue to go like this. I am a frustrated stressed out mess. My son is super smart and cute and funny and amazing and vocal and brilliant and strong. But he is exhibiting more dangerous behaviors. I can not be on top of him all day and we have to learn together how to be safe and live inside some rules. We can not live inside the bubble of safety that is our home. We have to venture out into the world and understand how those loud big noisy places make him feel, how to teach him to sit in school without touching everyone, how to keep weird and random things out of his mouth.
Don't feel sorry for us. This is our normal. While I may get to feel jealous that your children walk nicely by your side without running for an exit or can make it through the store without a frantic amount of anxiety or can eat a bowl of colorful cereal for breakfast and not jump off the couch onto the coffee table or not be tempted to put a worm on their tongues just to feel the sensation of it wiggling... you do not get to feel sorry for me. I may be exhausted and frustrated and look like a ragged mess but I am blessed to have this amazing little boy. As hard as the decision was to reach out for help, I know it was the right one. I can't wait until we reach public school and he is outcast, picked on, singled out, diagnosed to help him learn the boundaries of his body and to quiet his mind so that he may focus and be part of your normal! But I do need your support in my quest for help and knowledge and understanding. And when I express my exhaustion through clenched jaw and with tears in my voice, please just have some compassion for what you can only imagine is happening in our lives!
After an hour long meeting in the doctors office, an exam room with a box with a few toys, and a behavioral health professional, we were asked to complete a pile of paperwork. It was an ADD/ADHD screening tool. I was also asked if I would mind the teacher at the school completing one. Wanting to follow the system as it is in place, I took the tool and I had a meeting with the teacher.
The meeting with the teacher was as I expected. She is very kind. Doesn't think it is possible to diagnose someone so young with such an issue. But she advised me of her growing concerns for Espen. He can not do fine motor tasks at school. He doesn't color well or write at all. He can not cut things. He has a very small attention span. He doesn't look people in the eye. He wiggles and kicks and moves and touches everyone. She reported him as a clumsy, unbalanced, under-coordinated little boy. This behavior is pretty distracting (as I can imagine!). He has started hitting the others and has spent some time out. She is trained not to judge children against each other but she reports he is behind the other children. Yes she would complete the screening tool but in her opinion that is not the problem, there is something different. As you can imagine this meeting was hard for a mom to hear. But I did. As a mom we want to only hear the great and wonderful things about our children. And some of what she told me did not jive with how I know my little boy. Most especially the balance & coordination... none of us have seen that! But I took that information and hoped the tools & the behavioral health professional would help us find some help.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
After a few days of trying to contact this professional I finally reached her (she left a message for me to call her back but no number. I had to contact the office repeatedly in-between clients.). Her "findings" suggest that Espen is border line ADD/ADHD and perhaps has PICA. But she warned me it is hard to so quickly diagnose a 3 year old. She could refer us to a psychiatrist who could medicate him. Beyond that there was not much she could do. I politely declined that route. She said perhaps an occupational therapist would teach him some coping behaviors. However she did not know any to refer me to. She also reminded me to take care of myself so that I don't burn out. Man that was a rich one!!
So I spent some time researching pediatric occupational therapists. I found one near and I visited it. I cried explaining to the receptionist my trials. They can do a full assessment but I need a referral from the doctor. I was on the phone before I walked out. Within 10 minutes I had that referral and an appointment is now scheduled for November 29. We had a giant pile of papers and notes t. o make. I am hopeful we will have some answers to our questions. And if not.... we will have some other places to try. I have also made an appointment with my medical doctor. His office can do a full chemical panel on Espen. On the chance that there is something internal out of chemical balance.... I will cover all the bases for my child. I will fight the fight.
And this week we will decide if we should withdraw him from preschool. Maybe getting some kinks ironed out will make his school experience better. Maybe trying it all at the same time will reinforce the lessons. There is no manual. It is all trial and error. And it is exhausting. But there is no giving up..... he is much to important.
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