ODD ~ let me break it down for you ~

Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  ODD. 

It sucks. 

In the most basic of definitions it "is a condition in which a child displays an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, hostile, and annoying behavior toward people in authority. The child's behavior often disrupts the child's normal daily activities, including activities within the family and at school." ~ WebMD

In our house it just sucks.  On the most mundane of days it rears its ugly head and can be brutal quickly and then go away.  And on the most challenging days it never stops and it is like a freight train colliding with an oil rig and it just never stops exploding.   

In our house on a day like today, the ODD beast was about and he was prolific.  Let me explain. 

ODD feels like something takes over your child and controls them to the point of disaster.  There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will be "right".  There is no way they will do anything but argue or defy everything. 

There were hours in my afternoon spent with a 5 year old who simply argued, screamed and disagreed with virtually every single thing I said, suggested or implied.  The ODD beast insisted he was right about absolutely everything.  ODD LOUDLY insisted I play, and then told me exactly what or how or where to play and when I was not complying with his demands, he was off the charts with emotion and screaming and accusing me of doing it all wrong.  The ODD came out and was sassy and opposing to the rules and when the rules were enforced, ODD decided to be even more vindictive and quietly destroy and make messes.  ODD had a hard time quietly listening to my words because NONE OF IT WAS RIGHT. 

NONE OF IT. 

Needless to say, my afternoon was very long.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder is not something that I can easily describe and yes sure, it can seem like I am perhaps the World's Worst Mom.  I did however win an award for World's Best Mom recently so I know I'm pretty good!  A child with ODD however often presents like a spoiled rotten mouthy little brat.  We actually have a real diagnosis and these behaviors have been witnessed by people beyond this house. Signs of ODD include:  actively refuses to comply with requests or consensus-supported rules; performs actions deliberately to annoy others; is angry and resentful of others; argues often; blames others for their own mistakes; frequently loses temper; is spiteful or seeks revenge; and is touchy or easily annoyed. 
 

What is exhausting is not the actual opposition.  It is the toll being calm and steady takes on me.  The steady emotion it takes to not engage with his demands and arguments.  It is draining being consistent over and over because ODD just keeps on and on and on.... When ODD is running about, it is hard to just be clear and consistent... I want to snatch my beautiful son and run away from ODD.  But alas, the ODD is part of who he is and so I manage it and him and we use it as a learning moment. 

Let me tell you ~ I do not need to learn any more.  I'm good.  I have GOT IT.  Because the hardest part about ODD is that I have to remove myself in a way that is protecting.  ODD can be very personal and feel like an attack.  It is hard to simply remain almost aloof and be calm, clear and concise and then walk away because ODD will KEEP AT YOU. 

We made it through another day.  Espen lost his legos, ipad and ability to go anywhere the rest of the afternoon.  He served a couple time outs and had some serious cleaning to help me with.  We managed.  I keep the rules simple and the language regarding my expectations clear.  Most importantly, I do not engage in arguing.  There is simply no point. Once I know he has heard the rule or the statement I move away because he will not stop.  When he complies I reward him with lots of positive praise.  I'm good at this "game"... but it doesn't change the fact of the matter... ODD sucks. 

Today was by far the most challenging it has been.  And it sucks.