Play can be so challenging

When I started blogging I was fairly anonymous.  I have shared the hardest parts of our lives, the freak accidents, the weird stories.  Life is an adventure and a journey for us and I share it.  I am not anonymous any more.  I know you may read this and then look me in the eye.  It is ok.  This is our journey!  Welcome to it... it is my life, it is exciting, it is hard and I invite you in. 

There are days when being a mom is incredibly hard, challenging and unforgiving.  I have been having my share of these days!  Last summer we faced trouble with classmates and neighbor kids. It was so randomly terrible to play with anyone that we had a backyard rule.  Then we met some great folks that we had some good times with who understood our kind of life!  He started school and did amazing at being a good friend.  The last 7 months we have seen giant changes in Espen's behavior and ability to play with children.  We have seen a huge increase in his desire to play and try.  And we have allowed him the opportunity to try. 

Yet here we are getting ready for summer and we already have concerns.  Concerns about who he plays with, the appropriateness of the parents, the age of the children.  It has been a challenging week.  After a complete accident I had to remove my child from the neighbors yard while listening to a child accuse him of being terrible.  I have had to defend rumors of him being a bully.  I have had to explain to him bully and mean and why he should not call himself these things. 

We had to put summer rules in place already....We won't be playing with the big kids who ride bikes in the street without helmets and traipse around the neighborhood unattended.  We won't be playing with children whose parents use horrible language around my son (he repeats it).  We won't be playing with kids who are continually mean.  We won't be off unsupervised all over the neighborhood.  It makes my summer hard because I have to always be that mom who says no we can't play, or no we can't go there.  As much as it seems like punishment, it is for the sanity of our family. 

And it starts already. 

Letting Go.... the hard parts

My little boy is soon to be 5.  A couple months ago he asked for a half pipe for his birthday.  He was told he could have one when he could ride his bike with out training wheels and without falling.  That was all it took for the determination to set in him.  We have 2 little boy bikes.  We took the trainers off the smallest of the bikes and let him get that balance.  On his own he discovered he could get speed going down a hill.  Then he asked to take the trainers off the bigger bike.  And to my wondrous eyes HE WAS RIDING HIS BIKE.  It happened so fast and with such determination.  All he asks for now is to ride his bike!  He has ridden in the sun, pouring rain and on a snowy day.  He rides fast and furious (like his life) and LOVES the speed of going down the hill.  There is nothing more frightening (besides loosing him) then seeing him flying at full speed down a steep hill and knowing he is not going to use his breaks or be able to stop. 

The hard part is letting go.  This is true of so many things.  For this momma today, the hard part is in not freaking out when he falls (and he falls).  Not stressing about the speed he whips down the hills.  Letting him go up and down the street without me.  Letting him fall and get back up.


Letting go so that he can find his way in the world.  In this one small way it is what I am doing.  I am letting go of the training wheels, letting go of his hand and sending him into the big world.  He is so determined to do it I know he will succeed.  Just like he has figured out how to ride his bike so quickly, he will learn how to do other things because of his determination. 

And just like crashing head first off his little bike, he will fall and crash.  I will always be right there.  I will take that quick prayer breath.  I will wait for his reaction.  And I will help him get back up on the bike to try again.  Or I will carry his bruised up little body home and then we will try again! 

But that letting go of him... that is the hard part.

In our house

The strangest things happen in our house.  In our house we ride skateboards and scooters in the hall.  We eat dinner with the ipad.  We take numerous baths or showers a day.  We play outside in all types of weather.  We eat random things.  We rarely wear shoes.  We climb it, ride it, spin it, jump it. 

In our house strangers are invited to jump on the trampoline.  We smell them.  We often wear the same costume or shirt or item multiple days in a row.  We wear helmets of all kinds whenever we please.  We dance silly in our underwear and laugh like crazy when we are muddy.  We finger paint the drive way and chalk the side of the house.  We eat crayons and never save art work. 


In our house we jump on and off of beds.  We play in forts and eat in the bathtub.  We read books about all kinds of subjects.  We use big words and never have secrets only surprises.  We talk to everyone.  Sometimes we scream.  We have accidents.  We wear eye patches and head phones.  We have weighted pads and body bags.  We watch tv upside down.  We do yoga.

In our house we have a swing in the dining room, a desk in the living room, a fort in the bedroom and a flashlight in the bathroom.  We watch the coffee drip while laying on the counter.  We draw on the windows or on our arms.  We ride down the railing instead of using the stairs.  We drink out of the faucet.  We throw toilet paper. 

In our house it is ok to cry.  We take time outs because sometimes we need them.  We laugh out loud and never in shame.  We ask lots of questions.  We eat cold hotdogs and drink warm milk.  We bury ourselves completely in sand.  We always wear underwear to school. 

In our house we have every ride on we can imagine.  We have soft blankets and fuzzy bears.  We have black out shades.  We have swim trunks and snow pants.  We eat soup for breakfast and cream of wheat for dinner.  We meltdown.  We plant things we can eat and play in the dirt.  We are never afraid and we never quit.  We wear pants with holes in the leg.  We paint our fingers and toes bright shiny pink.

In our house we often break things.  We snuggle.  We run.  We feel.  We smell and we see.  We taste as much as we can.  In our house we use all of our senses.  We use them every day.  All of them.  Quick as we can!

In our house we are sensory friendly and know what we know to help us all grow.  In our house we have SPD.  In our house we are free to just be.