Today my kid ran away

Today my kid ran away.  Oh yes this happened.   Our day was characterized by explosive outbursts, super great behavior followed by odd statements ~ repeated all day.  (Clearly we need more therapy and structure).  At some point, he decided he was going to leave.  He announced he was running away.  He came and told me he was going to run.  I never thought he was telling the truth.  Nor did I stop to really listen to what he was saying because I was so caught up in how horrible the day was.  How I look forward to a day off with Doug and Espen and BLAM it never goes smoothly. 

But he put on his socks and shoes, coat and a hat and found an open door and took off.  Thankfully Doug was not far behind him.  I started to cry.  Sank down to my knees and pray.  How can he be 4 years old and decide he is having a bad day and run off.  How can I be so dumb as to leave a door unlocked.  How can I have screwed up so badly that my beautiful 4 year old decides to run away.  How are we going to make this right and not have this repeat itself every weekend.  UGH.  Can't we just have ONE day ~ one regular day.  One day to know what an average family does and experiences.  Just that one day.....

I followed in the car when I saw them get to the top of the hill and turn the corner.  By the time I caught up to them they were nearly a half mile away.  He was running.  By running away I guess he really meant RUNNING. 

Espen in left, on a sidewalk.  RUNNING.

I brought them home while I was still crying.  He wondered why I was crying.  The thing is my son did not think it was bizarre.  He said he needed some exercise and fresh air.  He did not do this with a bad thought to it.  He was happy.  I was not. 

Yes today my son ran away.  What can possibly happen tomorrow?

There are some crazy fantastic things that happened with this whole frustrating moment.
1. He put on his socks, shoes, coat and hat by himself.
2. He ran.  He got some exercise in the cold fresh air.
3. He drew me a picture of the event after ward... complete with himself on a sidewalk, and when he messed up he used an eraser.  This is a HUGE accomplishment... my son is beginning to draw
random things that he can visualize. 
4. We know we need some help... we just don't know where in the hell to start! 

5 Simple Play Date Rules

For all children play dates are a milestone in socialization.  For little ones, play dates are exciting and terrifying.  For a child like mine with sensory processing disorder, a play date is a wild world of stimulation and exposure.  I want him to have the same experiences as everyone and not be isolated so I try and try!   We have generally had children to our house because I can best manage situations.  I recognize however the need to branch out. 

There are tons of good reads about hosting and managing play dates for sensory children (and all children).  I have read it all so that I could be best prepared for my son's behaviors! 

I have not left him alone yet for a date because I think he still needs mom to be close by just in case.  So we were invited to a play date.  It was exciting!  Imagine my delight that he played with the other children with no screaming, fighting, pushing, shoving, tattling or meltdowns.  Then imagine my dismay, surprise and embarrassment when he decided to put on some clothes from the little boys dresser.  He then used the toilet (YEA he used the toilet alone ~ this alone is a great achievement!) and brushed his teeth with one of the toothbrushes sitting there.  Oh my I thought I would just crawl under the couch from embarrassment. 

For my child this seemed like a reasonable thing to do.  I talked to him at length.  I described a situation in which some friends came to our house and borrowed his toothbrush, lovey and most favorite hoodie.  His response was that if the kids needed to use his things he would share them because sharing is nice.  Indeed it is.  Perhaps we should all just loosen up and the world would be better. 

After a good cry, I thought about what is most important for him to remember RIGHT NOW for our next encounter.  I thought of 4 simple things to remind him of when we go to another person's home. 
#1  Do not take your own clothes off.  No exceptions to this rule ever.
#2  If you need to use the restroom, let mommy know and never touch anything except the toilet and the sink.
#3  Do not get anything out that was not already out or go into a room that was closed.
#4  Share with everyone. 
#5  Always say please and thank you. 

Maybe in a few weeks we will try again.  Maybe he will not use someone's tooth brush!  Maybe we will be invited back!  Or maybe we will just have kids over to our house for awhile longer so that we can understand our bodies, boundaries and impulse control. 

Wild Winter fun....

Winter... Is it killing you?  We have been finding cool things to do... here are a few of the ones we love!

On those cold days, boil water, put it in a mug and let your child watch (or throw) it outside.  Be sure to throw ist up and away from your body.  It is amazing fun!

Put food color and water in a balloon (water balloon) and let sit outside until frozen solid.  Makes amazing colored ice.  I let Espen put the big ice block in the shower and play until he is finished melting it down. 

We have brought snow inside in buckets into the tub. (I did it long before the cool parents got on the Today show doing it!).  It is cold and fun.  We put food coloring / water in spray bottles and let him color it.  We put the trucks and cars in it.  Then when he gets cold we run warm water in it to watch it all melt! 

In our house we don't worry about eating the freshly fallen snow.... we just do it. 

Sprinkle Jell-O powder onto freshly fallen snow and let kids eat it, play in it and have fun!

We made fresh ice cream with fresh snow.  I let Espen collect it in a bowl then we added milk, sugar & a bit of vanilla stirring while we added it, until it was creamy!  There are lots of recipes on line but a giant amount of snow was needed.  I winged it until it looked tasty.  He loved it!

Snow floats!  Who doesn't love Coke and fresh snow!  An instant slushy treat! 

Blow a GIANT trash bag up with air and tie it off.  Pop it around like a balloon.  Sit on it.  Kick it.  Play catch with it.  When it gets broken, toss it in the trash!

He has been playing in a giant leaf bag.  It makes a good hiding hold, coloring page and snuggle bag.

We build forts.  Small ones, big ones.  From cardboard, blankets, chair cushions.  The building is often quickly followed by the crashing it down but it is always good for a laugh or two! 

The warm weather can not get here soon enough.... but in the mean time, we will just manage to find things to have fun with during the winter months!

Hopes

Happy New Year!  Every year it is a relief to see January 1.  We all feel it.  It is a fresh start, a new beginning.  We wait for this time to try new things, set new goals or imagine great achievements yet to come.  We try so hard for a few days, weeks or even sometimes months to just fall back to the old things that work or are comfortable. 

My beautiful son will be turning 5 soon.  He is a gift.  I am thankful every day for him.  I am thankful for his smile and laughter and hugs.  I am thankful for how fast he moves and thinks.  I am even thankful for the strange and wonderful world of sensory processing.  It is a look at life and everything in it, with new eyes, sometimes through crazy glasses.  I am thankful for the challenges that go beyond being a parent.  Our lives are strangely different then so many others. 

There are not enough words in the dictionary to describe the internal conflict that sometimes comes along with having a son like mine.  Confusion and regret are often so strong you can feel them in the room like old friends.  Longing for a regular life, full of normal family activities for Espen and for us all.  Wishing we didn't have an escape plan every time we went some where or a change of underpants in my bag (and lately, an entire outfit, even shoes).  Sad that our lives are imperfectly perfect.  It is hard to make friends, hard to keep friends and hard for people to understand.   The pain of telling people "I'm sorry we can't be there, do that, go".  I regret all the times I thought I could do something and then couldn't at the last minute. 

 

We get to the point of just closing ourselves off because we can control our surroundings better and make things less stressful.  It is easier to not explain or apologize. So as the year started I had hoped, like everyone, for a fresh start on expanding our comfort zones to include friends and a support system so that we could face new challenges.  And just 4 days into it, I am drawn into the most comfortable behavior, when the freak out happens, mommy makes it better.  We do things we know we can handle, go places we know we will succeed, stay home when the stress gets intolerable.  And I make apologies when we miss things. 

The hardest part is the feeling of isolation.  The feeling that we do this on an island and it is so hard for people to understand.  Loved ones may have an idea but not the whole picture of our lives.  We don't ask for help.  We are not just a normal family.  We have some special needs.  We don't need to be told we are just normal and that we are putting to much pressure on ourselves.  We are trying.  Every day we try something.  Imagine the pain and discomfort from being over stimulated and that leads to fear and panic, which can lead to tears or running or other "non acceptable" behaviors.  As parents we have to handle that in every situation.  And it is not getting any easier. 

 

It is hard to manage on an island.  I hope people don't give up on us.  We need the support even if we seem like we don't.  We need the attempts of friendships even if we are hard to understand.  We need an occasional person to listen to our concerns and fears without passing judgment.  We need people to see past the messy hair, dirty clothes and wild running behaviors to our hearts that are full of love and hope and honesty.  We need patience. 

 

We will make it through this year.  We always do... it may not be what I imagined it to be three days ago, but it will be as it should be and we will be happy.  And maybe, just maybe, we will make some new friends and try some fantastic activities and go to wonderful places!