Centered

I am a potter at heart and in the studio.  One of the first terms every potter learns is "centered".  This is a very critical step as it is the foundation of the pot. The pot is only as true and as strong as the centering.  This is the first part to getting the ball of clay perfectly in the center so that one doesn't have a lopsided pot!  If this step is not achieved, the rest is nearly a waste of energy. 

For years pottery has worked to "center" my mind.  The victim of an extremely active mind, having my hands dirty and in the clay means my mind has to focus on the one single task ~ centering the clay.  Feeling the clay, the wheel and the rhythmic pressure of centering makes the clutter in the mind fade into the far recess.  Throwing becomes therapeutic, calming and energizing all at the same time for me. 

Centering the body & mind is fairly common in our vocabulary today.  People are attempting to find ways to balance themselves.  To let everything else go so that the body & mind are harmonized ~ to find a balance between the emotional, physical and spiritual.  A balance from head to toe ~ both outside the body and inside the body.  Whatever your definition, when I say "I feel centered", you know what I am referencing. 

Most of the time my little sensory seeking son is not centered.  Generally he is so far from being connected to himself we don't know how to bring him together.  He crashes into things, spins wildly, moves, wiggles and shakes.  His mind moves as fast as his body.  Some days he stutters and stammers over his words because they just don't come out fast enough.  He rarely finds a calm and still place within himself.  All of his senses just work overtime.  For the most part I can only imagine because I have the ability to limit the things that are bothering me.  He is learning. 

I recently let him "play" on the wheel.  It was in that moment when he was sitting there with the wheel spinning and the clay just moving beneath his hands that I saw my baby "centered".  He was still and focused.  I know the look.  The look of calm.  The mind is finally clear of jittery thoughts and just that one moment is all that matters.  I saw it and he felt it.  And it was magic. 

But not only is clay and the process of centering good for my son but the whole activity is MESSY!  He loves a messy activity!  The pure feeling of putting his hands in something cold, wet & from the earth.  Smelling it.  Smearing it on his hands and if I am not watching his chest, legs, face, hair (believe me I am now an expert on how to get clay out of the tight curls).  The whirring sound of the wheel and little else.  The strength of his arms and hands to hold the clay on the moving wheel.  And for a short time when he asked for help, the warm sensation of my body behind him, my hands holding his, the exact pressure to make that lump centered on the wheel.  All of these sensations helped to put his mind and body in a calm place ~ he was centered.  If only for a little bit.  He pulled it all together and was one little united being with the machine and the earth below his little hands.  It was a magic that is hard to achieve.  

Where ever we find that magical place; when we know our body is centered and we can keep going for a minute or a week longer, we need to explore those options and opportunities for our little ones.  If it is yoga, running, baking, pottery, drawing, yard work, music, horse back riding, dance, wood work, auto repair.... as an adult you find the thing that clears your mind and puts your body at peace.  We need to find those places for our little ones.  For my little boy I have found two now... swimming and messy pottery (as he calls it). 

We certainly can not do them every day but we can find time for him to have those things.  Because the moment of clarity on his face.  The peace I can watch him find.  The still and calm movements. Even if they are short lived, are extremely important to feel. Just as they are important for me... they are for him.  Find what makes you centered, do it and then help your child....

Pumpkin Patch

We were so lucky to be given tickets to Vala's Pumpkin Patch by Pediatric Therapy Center.  We decided to go on Friday!  It never dawned on me that it would be a good day for field trips!  But once you tell an obsessive child you are doing something and you get ready for it and you drive out there, it is to late to change the mind!  We were there!  Go for it! 

We are pretty prepared for all kinds of kid behavior and we are pretty prepared for being wet or hungry or needing a quiet zone.  The pumpkin patch can be a super fantastic place for any child but for a sensory child it can be both fantastic and frightening.  

He had so much fun riding the pony ride.  The soothing jostle of a slow circle, the smell of the horse, the feel of the beast under him, the quieter rhythm of the children on the other ponies.  He loved it!  The dark mine shaft we should have avoided.  Although not a scary place, just a silly depiction of a mine, he was not happy, squeezed my hand and in a shaky voice said we needed to hurry (we did).  The corn pit and jumpy pillows were an awesome diversion that he played in for a long time.  The pedal cars allowed for some serious gross motor movement! 

Unfortunately, I made a terrible mom mistake and sat him down to eat a pretzel.  He was so excited that focusing on eating was not happening.  I thought lunch time would be soon so we moved on.  And then I failed to feed him lunch.  What was I thinking?!  He was happy and busy and focused and never once complained. 

We rode the hay ride to the pumpkin patch where he found a pumpkin as big as he is and made daddy carry it back.  He found some smashed pumpkins to poke and smell.  He found some dirt to play in.  He found a playground and watched the giant puppets sing.  He smelled popcorn, pumpkins, apples,  the outhouse, animals & people!  Imagine all those smells for a boy who smells everything!  He stuck his face as close to a goat as he could and said the goat smelled like hay and cat food.  He passed by an outhouse and screamed it smelled like poop.  I just never know what is coming next!   It was ultimately an awesome day!  But the next time I looked at the time it was 2:15pm and he had not eaten.  The mom decision to leave to feed him was suddenly met with a meltdown.  That I handled by carrying a crying child out the pumpkin patch and feeding! 

All the plans in the world and I am human!  I forget things. 

My sensory child never complains about being hungry or thirsty or cold or hot.  He never says he has to go to the bathroom or that he needs to sit down.  He can wake up in the morning and keep the same level of energy all day, with no stops and no complaints.  On occasion this can be a good thing... we can ski all day in the winter and as long as I am mindful of how I've dressed him and check he will never complain about the cold.  I can take him to the pool all day in the summer and apply sunscreen and he will never complain about being tired or hungry or hot!  But I have to be the mindful adult to make him stop and eat or go to the toilet or sit down to just give his little body a break!  My sensory child will just keep going and going.  I often forget how he is "tuned in" to things I am not.  How he notices things I just ignore.  Not ignore them because I make a choice but ignore because I simply do not notice.  The world for my son is full of things I rarely notice.  And when I am forced to notice them, because he LOUDLY points them out I think how overwhelming it must be for him.  And I am so proud of him because he just doesn't complain... he just explores and is curious and questions.  What a brave little boy!  It makes me appreciate the things around me even more because I can see and smell them with him (even if sometimes I do not want to!). 

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Another AWESOME pumpkin patch was BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED.  A small drive south of Omaha but they have an incredible play area, shorter ride to pumpkin patch, smaller farm, less people.  Animals to see and feed.  The most delicious apple pie!  For Espen and his need to be on and in and around things, it was a great farm to take him to!  Except he was curious about how deep the water tank was for the cow and stuck his arm, coat and all into the tank so he had a wet sleeve for much of the day... all part of his process! 

Mom I THREW UP

While working on finishing a piece of furniture, my phone rang.  I am not in the habit of answering it when I am a mess.  So when the voicemail beeped, I thought I better listen.  Never dawned on me that Espen was at school and there may be a problem. 

This child is never sick.  He eats everything.  Licks most things.  And somehow has managed to have very few head colds and only had a stomach bug once as a tiny toddler.  Thankfully he has not had an antibiotic for anything other than swimmers ear.  So imagine my surprise when the nurse left a message saying he was in her office because he threw up.  I immediately called her back and said I was 3 minutes from school.  And I am! 

When I got there, he was barely in the nurses office, hanging onto the door... afraid (perhaps because the nurse is a total stranger, perhaps because he doesn't know what to do when he throws up, perhaps just because he didn't feel good).  He saw me and the tears started and the clinging. He then told me through his tears "MOM I THREW UP".  None of these behaviors are familiar to me.  Espen is not a clingy child nor does he cry much and he is not ever sick.  So I carried him to the car and managed to get him to let go of me long enough to drive us home.  And my baby clung to me and cried while we went inside.  Clearly he did not feel good!!

Finally I got him settled on the couch and he went to sleep.  It is super weird seeing my son laying so still during the day.  It is bizarre to see him so calm.  It is odd to have him ask me to hold him.  I can tell he is not feeling well.  I have no idea what to do with or for him.  Because for 4 years I have not had to deal with a sick child!  We don't see him slow down (even when he has had a head cold).  He is always on the move and totally independent.  This little boy laying so still on the couch makes my heart hurt.  He seems so small and fragile today.  I am thankful for his strength and spirit.  I am thankful for his health.  I am thankful for who he is and for the sensory issues we deal with every day. 

Doug is picking up clear drink, popsicles, Gatorade.... not things we usually keep I guess.  In a quick hurry I cleaned the entire house and sprayed Lysol all over so we can minimize anyone else feeling yucky. 

He woke up a little before one and took a bath and told me he was ready to go to therapy gym.  I told him I had cancelled for today.  He was PISSED off at me.... so the crying started all over.  Then he told me "But MOMMY I need that therapy".  Ahhhh... maybe he is starting to notice when he is feeling the need for some sensory input.... 

I will keep him home from school tomorrow.  I think that is fair to the other parents.  And clearly next time my phone rings while he is at school I will answer it!  I just never thought it would be about Espen!  Lesson learned! 

He hit you? I am sorry.

My beautiful strong 4 year old hit your child.  I am sorry.  I really am.  I am sorry that your child got hurt at the hands of my little boy.  I am trying to teach him appropriate boundaries and to use his words instead of his fist.  He acts rashly and quickly and often that means your child gets punched. 

I feel sad when I see the tears on another child's face because of the action of my son.  I am embarrassed and upset.  I will make my son apologize, but for him please understand the words are often just that ~ words. 

He is incredibly strong and lacks an understanding of pain so sometimes his punch was not meant to cause pain but was done in play.  "Normal" little boys often rough house but with mine, someone gets hurt. 

I am sorry if your child was screaming or playing loudly and my little guy punched him/her.  He is inconsistently bothered by sounds and proximity.  He lacks the self control to remove himself or cover his ears because his flight or fight kicks in.  And he will "fight".

I am sorry if your little person gets knocked down, pushed or ran into when my little guy is wildly running about at top speed.  Crashing into things helps him feel great.  He has not yet learned that for your child crashing is not awesome.  He does not intend to hurt anyone.  He is driven by an invisible force to seek sensations that your child may not need and that you and I don't understand.  He needs input and he is still learning how to get it.  I am learning too.  I am slow at this.  I am so sorry when we ram into your child. 

I try.  I really do.  I use all the techniques and tools to help him learn.  I am doing my best.  So is Espen.  It still makes me very sad to see your child hurt.  And afraid. 

Because if unintentionally my son keeps hurting your child, you will not want him around.  You will not let us try to be friends with your child.  I understand.  I am afraid my son will not have friends because he is so rough.  I keep him from situations because I know someone will accidentally get hurt and I know he may be at fault.  Every time a child screams I assume it is because of an action by my son.  It is frightening and upsetting.  I try to keep your child safe.  I am really sorry if he whacks your child. 

I want my beautiful kind little boy to learn appropriate interactions and boundaries.  I want him to behave appropriately.  We are working on it.  We keep trying.  Let us keep trying.