Being Lucky

Sometimes being in the right spot at the right time is just luck.  Last week I took Espen to the zoo.  As anyone with a sensitive child knows, the zoo can be either really great or really horrible.  The Omaha Zoo is generally not super busy, is easy to navigate and has lots of space for quiet meltdowns if it happens!  It also has lots of great areas that are fantastic "sensory" areas for little people!  We started our time at the zoo climbing all over a giant sculpture, splashing in a fountain and then seeing the butterflies.  We rode the sky tram across the park (viewing the rhinos, cheetah and a monkey) and played at the playground.  We crossed the bridge at the koi pond and fed the fish, rang the giant gong and walked in the "smelly park".  We walked and talked and lay in the sun.  We waved at the train and chatted with fellow patrons.  On our way out, we happened upon a table of master gardeners and butterfly experts. 

And this is when I nearly had a heart problem.  While I was politely listening to the gardener, I was watching Espen who was thrilled to see some butterflies in the net.  They were tagging the monarch butterfly.  Suddenly the expert handed one to the little girl standing next to Espen and I moved into the picture!  My stomach did some flips.  He had just been told he would be next.  My son is far from gentle on most days.  He likes to smell and taste most things (even bugs).  He is a crasher and a crusher.  So imagine my fright at what was about to happen. 

He did fantastic.  He followed the instructions and did great.  I made a video! 

As we were leaving the zoo I asked what was his favorite part.... the playground.  OF course! 

Thank you Omaha zoo for letting children have this experience! 

My resource Guide for my Sensational Kid

Recently a wonderful friend of mine shared a link to a fantastic page full of helpful links for a sensory kid (or really any child!).  The shared page is just full of fantastic ideas and books.  I am most excited that she shared it with me when she came across it and that for all my ramblings the issues are being heard! 

As a parent with a child I needed to read and know all I could for us both!  So while the list of resources is great I wanted to put out there one of my own that has helped us learn and grow.

A sensory diet is important in our home and we have all the latest and greatest gadgets (that we can afford). 

Books for Espen and for us have been important.  Unfortunately there are not a lot for the littlest children (I wrote my own for him) but these we have and we love to read and it is great to have family read these to him for they all get some information! 
Ellie Bean The Drama Queen
This is Gabriel
Meghan's World
I'm Not Weird I have SPD
Arnie and His School Tools
Squirmy Wormy: How I Learned to Help Myself
Why Does Izzy Cover Her Ears?
Sensitive Sam
Pickysaurus Max

I have read
The Out - Of - Sync Child
The Out - Of - Sync Child Has Fun
Raising A Sensory Smart Child
Sensational Kids
Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight
Sensory Bins

I have searched and searched for fantastic sensory "toys" for him. 
Sensory Goods has been a great shop for me to get a snuggle swing, weighted lap pad & blanket and teddy bear.

His weighted vest I purchased from etsy.  The vest is fantastic and since she utilizes a vest from Land's End, he looks just like any other child with a vest.  And the weights remove easily!

Of course Amazon has tons of helpful things!  We have balance boards, scooter boards, weighted balls, fidgets, body sox and other manipulative items.  Recently we purchased Yogagorilla cards, Wicky Sticks ABC deck & the Scooter Board activity pack.  He loves choosing a letter to study or a yoga position to do with mommy! 

Fat Brain Toys is a fantastic local and online store for sensory games.  We have several fantastic games including Don't Rock The Boat, Scatterpillar, Trucky and Memory Faces Game.  These games are super easy and work small motor and the mind!  Not to mention they are fun for the whole family! 

For over 3 years I learned to deal with my "bad" son who was fast and furious a lot of the time.  Then I found a resource who listened.  And in the last 9 months I have read and borrowed, asked and researched.  I put my "free" time to use to share ideas, learn new things and get myself right so that I can best help my little boy. 

We of course have our bad days but I can always go back to what we know.  I'd love to share your resources and ideas! 

Dining Out

Listen to the news lately and you will have heard incident after incident of restaurants "banning" children after a certain hour at night.  I am actually all for it.  (Unfortunately there are also cases of just bad manners and rude behavior but that is not my point today).  I don't want my child to just eat fast food or wrapped food.  Quite the opposite.  I want him to eat at a restaurant that has nice service and atmosphere. 

I know my child.  I know our limitations.  I know that we have made messes but part of the curve has always been to clean it up.  I have been that mom under the table cleaning up spilled food before we leave because it is important.  I have made my son clean up dropped stuff before we leave an establishment.  I always tell him the same thing ~ "This place is here to serve you food, not clean up after you.  We want to be good and kind citizens."  I do not believe this is standard practice.  Before I knew we were a family with sensory issues we tried taking him to restaurants.  And I was the mom to remove him when a melt down happened so the other dinners and staff were not bothered.  Not because I am ashamed of my son, but because I it is a treat for most to dine out and I don't want that treat spoiled by our behavior.

Currently, I don't take my child to restaurants.  He is not able to sit very long, is bothered by crowds, has the wiggles and uses an outside voice more than an inside one.  Not because I don't want him to learn to behave at a nice place but because I know we are not there yet.  He has a struggle sitting at the table at home.  We will get there.  We practice manners at home.  We practice sitting in a chair at dinner for 15 minutes.  We practice quiet voices and using a fork!  When he can do it at home I will take him out to a place that doesn't serve food in a wrapper!  The Today Show mom's posted a good article about dining out with kids.  It all starts at home and then the steps to get to the fancy places.  I'm taking those steps. 

We live on a tight budget.  Going out to dinner means also paying the babysitter.  We do not do it very often.  When we do the last thing we want is to sit next to a table full of children having a hard time.  Even if the parents think things are great; children are loud by nature, they get bored and lack patience.  I love my child and I enjoy seeing children out but the last thing I want when I am going out without him is to sit near a family with unruly children. 


Judge me.

I applaud these restaurants.  I appreciate a restaurant makes this policy.  Besides let me be very honest... children have no business eating out after 8pm anyway.  (After a certain hour of the evening adult conversations and behaviors are not appropriate for children.)    

"That kid has PROBLEMS"

We recently returned home from a trip to Colorado.  We were mainly there for a family visit but we took time to enjoy some "tourist" activities.  Every morning Espen woke up and asked if we could go in the mountains and have a picnic.  (The last time we were in CO we spent a couple nights in Breckenridge and I believe that made an impression).  Plus the mountains provided trails, solitude, quiet and lots of gross motor crashing that he finds calming.  We made sure to take time to do that in between the busy tourist activities with the family. 

It is always a challenge to be away from home.  Our routine is thrown out the window.  Our eating is messed up.  The beds are all different.  For a child like Espen it is much more than that.  The sights of a strange place.  The smells.  The sounds.  The strange routines of other people and children.  And while he tried and we tried to maintain good behavior, there were several times he had to be removed from situations and either calmed or corrected.

He is not a bad child.  He is not wild.  He is sensitive to all sensory stimuli.  Where 'normal' children can tune things out, Espen can not.  He is rough because his pain sensors feel things differently.  He is NON stop because he just has to get all he can!  His behavior is not the result of poor parenting (although I suppose it may appear that way).  So imagine my surprise when I heard "that kid has problems".... "medication may be the answer".... "you are mean and a bad influence"...when we had thought we had done a pretty decent job of educating our families about is disorder. 

Yes I suppose Espen does have problems.  He has a disorder that is strange to most people.  He has parents who read about it and learn about it and purchase equipment most families don't have to even consider.  We limit his sugar and color intake because we notice a drastic change in behavior.    We remove him to calm or correct him... and we do so quickly.  Maybe his problem is that I am present all the time. 

At the present date we do not think medication is the answer.  Certainly if it seems as if his quality of life and education will improve with it, then we will explore all our options.  Right now he responds to therapy and constant supervision.

He is 4.  He is not mean by nature.  He is independent and curious.  He doesn't stop once he is rolling with a decision to consider the consequences.  This is typical behavior in a four year old! Children repeat what they hear.  We should all be mindful about what we say and the ears that hear it.  Espen is not a mean child.  His hugs are powerful.  His smile magnetic.  His laugh contagious.  He is unsure of his body mass in relation to that of others.  He feels little pain or pressure so seeks out the constant touch and it seems rough.  We work every day on boundaries and gentle touches. 

Sensory processing is not the same for every child.  Nor is it the same for my child every day.  Our lives are like the ocean... constantly moving.  It is hard on him and on us ~ none of us in this house know what will happen when morning comes and sometimes we go hour by hour.  And yet we keep going and do our best.   And we appreciate when someone stops and really asks what is happening and what it means and how it is.  We appreciate the non-judging curiosity of how it must be for us.  Because that is how we learned ... we asked.  We can help Espen and other children like him if we ask and answer about this strange little disorder...sensory processing

Exhaustion

Exhaustion creeps in slowly.  It is like a dense fog that you can see in the distance swirling towards you.  Thick and looming it increases slowly.  Until it just overtakes you.  The fog of exhaustion dulls your mind and senses.  The body feels slow and full of weight.  Daily tasks are challenging.  Simple chores become that much harder.  Exhaustion. 

We are experiencing it at our house.  We have tried it all.  Without fail our son wakes up during the night.  Unlike infancy, when I just fed, changed and soothed him back to sleep this problem comes with a new set of problems.  When E spen wakes at any time, he is WIDE AWAKE.  There is no slowly getting up or partial arousal, he is as alert as if he had not gone to sleep.  So when he wakes in the middle of the night it is a challenge! 

When he turned 3 this problem started.  Prior to that, he was sleep trained to have a couple books, self soothe and go to sleep.  Even when he transitioned to a big boy bed.  We managed to teach him good sleep habits and our routine was consistent.  We never thought we would have sleep problems because he played so fast and hard all day that sleep was necessary to wind back up his energy levels! 

At age 3 we really began to notice extreme behavioral, physical and social differences between him and his peers.  And we began to have some sleep problems.  An occasional night wakening occurred.  It went from occasional to more often than not.  Now he is 4 and he wakes every night ~ and I mean EVERY!  His sleep habits are strange and hard for us but he never seems to appear tired or slow down at all.  Rarely does he fall asleep during the day and if he does, we wake him so that we don't mess up what little routine we have. 

He doesn't wake up crying or from dreams.  We have thought about nightmares, night terrors and all of the common issues.  He just wakes up alert.  Like he has had enough sleep and his day is ready to start!

He goes to bed easily.  A couple books, milk and he goes to sleep easily.  Bedtime at our house for him is 8pm.  Most typically around 10:30pm he wakes and needs to use toilet.  Most of the time we can get him back to bed quickly and without much problem.  Then sometime between midnight and 4am, he wakes.  There is nothing from any book or advice or blog or suggestion that we have not tried!  We have let him cry, let him stay up, given melatonin, fed him, let him sleep with us, slept with him.  He wakes and is engaged and ready to go.  Unfortunately engaging mommy means mommy can not go right back to sleep!  And thus the exhaustion! 

He will eventually settle back down every night.  Right next to me.  No exceptions.  He has to have his B (pacificer ~ yes still, at night to calm the oral needs) and fuzzy bear (that is really not a bear but a lump of soft fur).  No matter the temperature, he loves the weight of the blankets and my arm.  We have the weighted blankets, bears, pads but they are not the same as mommy.  This is unfortunately how we have "fixed" our sleep issue. 

There is virtually no way to DO any more activity then we already do.  My child is active 100% of the day.  We have limited his tv/ipad watching to 1 hour a day and that hour is before noon.  We have limited or removed all artificial color & most processed foods.  We have limited sugar and don't let him have any after 3pm.  It gets better but he wakes and we accommodate the strange needs. 

I know there are other parents that feel this exhaustion.  And frustration.  We want our son to have good sleep habits so that he can function at the highest best level.  Sleep is an important ingredient in our lives.  I will continue to function at near deprived levels until a miracle happens or we learn the secret to our little boys sleep pattern! 

Sensational Summer Fun

We wait and wait for summer in our house!  Summer means we can be outside for longer periods of time not only because the day is longer but because it is finally warm (or hot).  Summer means we don't have to put on layers of uncomfortable clothing; we can go outside with barely anything and leave the shoes behind!  Ahhh we wait for these short few months! 

For my sensory little boy, summer is the most magical time.  Clothing tends to annoy him so he lives for the moments when he can just live in his swim shorts all day.  Shirt & shoes are totally not necessary.  Unless we are going shopping.  Stop by our house at any moment and you will find him in just shorts!! 

We are outside much of the day even when temperatures reach high into the 100's and the humidity spikes.  We find shade and drink water or koolaid and eat frozen treats.  We make mud messes, finger paint our bodies and the house, chalk up everything we can.  We squirt the dogs with water guns and throw water balloons.  We turn on the water slide in our back yard and the "fire hose" and we use our imagination to put out dangerous situations.  We go to the pool nearly every day and swim in the deepest area, dive for random toys, talk to strangers, jump off the dive board and soak up the warm rays of summer!  We take trips to the zoo and search out interesting animals.  We go to the park and play tag, swing off the monkey bars and climb up the slide (yes that's right UP it because it is fun!).  We put a small pool on the trampoline and jump in and out of it.  We call it splash zone!  We ride our bikes, skateboards, ATV and scooter.  We take a break and go ice skating.  We go on nature hikes and bring home groovy rocks or pinecones.  He plants his own garden and waters it and eats it (this year it is strawberries and mint).  We find bugs and worms and put them in the bug box or dig a hole for them.  We play in the sandbox and hide treasure or his little body!  We make volcanos and mountains explode! 

And when it is time for a rest we lay on the couch eating snacks and watch movies.  Our favorites right now are WRECK IT RALPH, RISE OF THE GUARDIANS, PARANORMAN & HOTEL TRANSALVANIA.  In fact, if you have missed any of those, you should watch them.  They are great!  Can't go wrong with a summer of odd movies!  We play with the wooden train set or the million matchbox cars.  We crash things.  We smash things.  He helps me make no-bake cookies and frozen treats.  We rarely use our oven in the summer so we have to be creative.  Stirring and mixing and cooking are good inside activities. 

Summer fun...  can't happen all year because we live where the sun sets early and the cold sets in for long months.  Months when we are afraid to know the temperature and more afraid not to know.  Months when we have to shovel a path to get out before we can think about fun.  Months when we have to take long minutes putting on all the gear just to stay warm.  Summer is a time to enjoy every moment.  Car trips and travel.  Beaches and ranches and mountains.  Summer is for fun!

We enjoy our summer to the fullest... what are you doing!?

Sensational Time in Florida

We recently returned from Florida!  It was an awesome family vacation!  For our sensory kid it is heaven!  The sand & surf are calming.  Imagine the quiet stretches of sand and the sound of the waves.  The weight of the water and the sand.  Allowing your small body to be crashed and smashed to the ground over & over by the waves.  Being buried under mounds of warm wet sand.  Digging and searching for treasure!  The smell of salt and fish.  The warmth of the sun and the mist in the wind.  Tasting the fish that is freshly cooked.  He was sensory happy for 7 days.  The beach is a beautiful place that clears the head and heals the soul!  For our son, the beach is the most relaxing place.  He was able to sleep soundly and play for long stretches of time.  He was comfortable in his skin.  There was no crashing and smashing into people.  He had the beach to do that to him! 

And we can feel like we can make it another few months in Nebraska because we have the beach calling us back.... Soon soon... for it is a healing place for a sensory kid like Espen!

Enjoy a glimpse of our fun time!! 

Click here to view these pictures larger