PEE AGAIN.... I am going to loose it...

Used to be a time when I blogged a lot about our 'poop experiences'. You can look back here and here and here and see a few of my tearful trials and pleas for anyone to compassionately understand.  I developed expert skills at cleaning random things from virtually everywhere.  We never ran out of duck tape to keep his diaper and pants on at nap/rest time and cleaning supplies to clean the endless string of messes.  My problems were much larger than any I had heard about or imagined and no one confessed to similar issues.

And now at age 7 I am at my most stressed wits end with curious issues.  I waver because it could be: "busy" boy and not making it;
flat out LAZY;
not able to feel things until to late;
freaked out by sounds;
or just plain testing my patience.

He has had a weird bout with accidents of late resulting in constant need for a spare pair.  We don't leave home without a second/third pair of pants.  Even when reminded and forced to bathroom, we have experienced accidents. They happen anywhere, at any time.  If I could get a handle on them, I would.

He neglects to flush the toilet.  He runs and refuses.  There is not a thing I can do about the sound a toilet makes when it flushes.  Public restrooms are often worse than our home.  He tries to be as far as possible when the "WOOOSH" of water happens.  And at home, he just leaves it.  As imagined, it is grossly annoying.  I can tolerate it IF he is making it in the toilet and I am not cleaning up a mess. Pick my battle so to speak.

I have discovered poop in the trash.  I have accidentally come upon wet pee saturated carpet in his closet (discovered it while searching for the horrible pee smell).  I have cleaned poop from the shower.  I have cleaned pee from the walls and floor and toilets.  Today I tossed a shower curtain and all the toys from the tub when I discovered he has been peeing in the shower in the mornings so he does not have to flush.

I have bribed.  Yelled.  Taken privileges.  I have cried.  Cleaned.  Found a way to get urine smells from my carpet and shower.  I am a professional cleaner of sorts.  I have been calm and compassionate and only developed a slight eye twitch.  I have hugged him even when he is a mess and told him I loved him but that I do not love pee.  We own "Everyone Poops" and "Bear in Underwear" ~ both encourage good bathroom habits.

I am at my wits end.  I have mentioned, complained and told the pediatrician and therapist.  We do not think it is a "plumbing" issue but more sensory, stubborn, curious....  After our latest incident, I have decided he will have to be monitored for a while in the restroom.  This of course made him really mad.  I have no other solutions.

The struggles are very real my friends.  I have a library of literature about sensory processing disorder, ADHD and behavioral issues and nothing touches on bathroom issues to the extent that I have questions and need answers.  The struggle goes beyond a battle of wills between knowing what he should do and actually doing it.  The struggles are never ending and deflating.

Today when my husband gets home, he will hear how I single-handedly scoured the bathroom from top to bottom, eliminated some toys from our household, calmly managed to get the truth from my child! So you see I am in fact an expert on cleaning urine from things.  I do it often and efficiently.  It is not a chore I relish.  If you come over, you will never know it and it is safe to sit anywhere.   And how is that for a Friday?  Just a regular day in "paradise"...

Back to school note to my son

My amazing son, you may not know the lengths I have traveled to get you here.  The sleepless nights and worried filled days.  The adult decisions I have had to make that I never thought I would think about.  I have paved the way as best as I can for you.  I have made every attempt to set you up for a successful year and now all I can do wait and help you along the way.

I pushed nearly every possible "must do" aside and let our summer just be time together and large fun.  I have traveled around town providing us with stimulating entertainment and the love and support of friends who accept you as you are.  There were meltdowns and tears and no one was bothered, just accepted us in the place we are in and you needed that.  We have been busy, there is but one thing on both of our "summer bucket lists" that is undone, and alas, I just do not have the energy or the funds to make that happen.  Summer we will always look forward to because we manage to live our lives to the fullest.

But now, love, we have had to prepare for school.  We must relinquish our days of sunny freedoms to the long days ahead full of learning and social norms.  I have taken you to the doctor and therapist for med checks and on going therapy.  I have given you a med break for weeks this summer and then continued with limited medication so that I could help you to gain weight.  Weight you desperately needed to gain.  I have fed your body and soul with healthy food and loving energy.  The last few nights, I have worked really diligently to get you back onto a sleep schedule so your little boy body is rested and ready. In this I am failing, you fight rest like a solider fights the enemy, to the death. But we have tried and that matters.  I have schlepped you along to the shoe store for new shoes and fought you on the price of a backpack.  I have washed and labeled all your sensory tools and fidgets so that you have them when and where you need them.

I have emailed introductions to the teacher, nurse and "team" so there are no surprises and you are greeted with readiness to help you succeed at this new school.  And we have visited more times than most so that you are comfortable finding the bathroom and classroom.  I have surrounded you with encouragement and introduced you to the people you will be spending your days with.

So now I just pray.  Pray that these people at this new school love you for you.  That they accept your challenges and help you find ways to adapt and grow.  Most importantly, I hope they help you learn and that you can like to learn.  It will not be easy but maybe there will be one thing you like to learn and we can build on that!  I pray they are tolerant and fair and when necessary, brave.  It takes bravery and courage to learn, question and communicate when you are an adult and we need them to have strength to do that for you and every child who may be different.  I pray they have the same compassion and humor your last teachers have had because we need that!

My prayer mostly is that they will find a way to reach you and teach you.  It is the hope all parents have.

Summer is over, it was enormously fun, but now the work starts....  your way is paved as best as I could get it.  And no matter what happens, I am here... I am here with love, support, enthusiastic encouragement, strength to get us through the rough patches, courage to stand up when you need me to, but most of all love.

**and now to put the list of things I have put off back on my plate... :)**