Miracle or Not

Today we are just nearly med free ~ 5mg of Focalin and some caffeine.  That is minimal compared to what we have been doing.

We got here after 2 very long terrible weeks.  We switched to a new ADHD medicine, started it May 27.  By May 28 I had contacted the doctor and he added more.  For the next 10 days we tried.  We tried really hard and tried to keep an open mind.  Our life was even harder than normally.

His impulses were all over.  He was unpredictable at best.  He was mean spirited and the line between impulses and just terrible behavior was blurred beyond recognition.  He nearly stopped eating.  He was sleeping about 4-6 hours a night.  It was taking Doug up to 3 hours a night to get Espen calm and asleep (it is a one man job and mommy never does it).  He was ON all the time.  I was having a hard time trusting when I took him some place we could handle it.  He was having terrible melt downs and I never saw them coming.  He was crashing into people and things.  He was chewing obsessively on his hands, toes and clothing (to destruction).  He was pulling out clumps of hair.  The safest place he has the most fun at, therapy, he was not managing and twice the therapist came out to tell me how rough and terrible it was for ONE HOUR.  It was extremely hard for me to pack the meds around with me in the heat.

We cried.  Complained.  Struggled.  Tried to "be cool" and normal.  Doug & I were tired and stressed.  We had very little time together because we were in constant management mode.... just managing one behavior after another.  Espen was OFF.  We could see he was tired and probably hungry.  He wanted to be good but nothing was lining up.

So I stopped.  Stopped giving him the medication.  It was the only thing we had changed (besides starting summer).  I eliminated the thing I suspected was the problem.

In 3 days he has had just 5 mg of Focalin and caffeine each day.  We have done very limited 'public' activities.  He is happy.  He has returned to sleeping 10-12 hours a night (which he desperately needs).  He is falling asleep within about 30 minutes.  He is not chewing on his hands, clothes or feet and the hair pulling has stopped.  He is impulsive but manageable.  I can predict how much time I have after giving him the 5 mg I have for grocery shopping or intense 'public' activities.   He has a giant appetite - one we have not seen for months.  He is mindful.

For a few days we are going to ride this out.  I am not going back to the medication that posed so many problems right now.  As we approach school time, we know we will need to boost him so that his mind can focus and his body and be still but I am not sure the new medication is the answer.

There is no miracle for ADHD.  There is no perfect solution that helps every day.  There are moments of perfection but those may be fleeting.  Often good moments are overlooked because we are so conditioned to manage bad behaviors and extreme impulsiveness.  We seek the answers from the professionals and pray it works.  There are no answers, with ADHD, there are only trials.  Each person responds differently.  Each medication interacts in each body uniquely.  We each have to make very hard impacting choices in regard to treating this wonky mental health issue ~ there are no right or wrong choices.  Medication in the most minimal sense while teaching and modeling good behaviors can only lead to success.... and a few hard days!